


Pearl of Novalon

by Hyperionova



Series: A Tale in Slavaria [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Betrayal, Love Triangles, M/M, Royalty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-04-12 09:57:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 79,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19129717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperionova/pseuds/Hyperionova
Summary: Sehun had always felt different. The world never missed an opportunity to point out to him that he was different. But he had never expected to fit among misfits and bastards.Head over heels in love with the royal bastard, Sehun vowed to do anything to pledge his allegiance to the man. Even at the expense of those who trust him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kai_maaya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kai_maaya/gifts).



> Warning: There are mentions of abuse, graphic depictions of violence, and mentions of human trafficking. Homophobia. Sehun is also androgynous in the story (i.e. he bears an appearance of both a man and a woman—does not have female reproductive organs).  
> Here's a [visual thread](https://twitter.com/seraphicsekai/status/1127502544379494400) for the story!

# P R O L O G U E

 

 

 

The City of Novalon was easily one of the most enchanting places in all of Slavaria. Its people were as beautiful as its streets and the ocean that overlooked the east of the city. It was the emerald of the country. A jewel that was roofed by a vast and great canvas of blue that was often speckled with soaring gulls and sailing clouds.

As the warm breeze softly caressed through the strands of his ruddy red hair, he calmly listened to the symphony played by the sound of the waves that beat against the walls of the city and the cawing gulls in the skies.

The day came with such promise. Hearts felt full. The sunrays that poked through the slits in the clouds touched the ground that was walked by Novali men and women alike. The air smelled of the salt from the sea and the sizzling sands of the streets.

He glanced over the railing of the balcony he was standing idly on. Children ran through the streets with full bellies and cheery songs.

Not all of Slavaria was as prosperous as Novalon, where wine spewed out from one end of the city and gold from the other. Its strategic location on the trade route gave it most of its appeal. The rest came from the noblemen and women that resided there. Meanwhile, many other cities and provinces scuffled for a fistful of good grains.

In spite of that, Slavaria was a regal country where peace prevailed, even with the recent death of their late King. In a few moons, however, Slavaria and her people would see a new King ascend the throne when the Crown Prince Fredegar Skyborn came of age. His coronation would be celebrated in every corner of the country, in every house, on every street, there was no doubt about that.

The wind carried the sound of the bell that pealed from the city tower to the edge of the city where he now stood, safe and secure in his home. The balcony overlooked the harbour and the sea, making way for a picturesque view that he could never get enough of. As much as he loved home and being close to his mother, he could not wait to get away.

To go somewhere he would find adventure and love. Somewhere he could be someone on his own account.

“Milord,” called a servant.

He did not turn around immediately as he continued to behold the sight laid out before him. “Is he here?” he asked the servant in a monotonous voice.

“His Lordship is on his way, Milord,” answered the servant. “Your mother has asked us to help you get dressed forthwith.”

He was dressed. But not dressed enough to entertain royalty. With a sigh, he pulled away from the railing and stepped back into his bedchamber where the servants awaited him with folds of silks, boxers of jewellery, canisters of rose and gold powders and bottles of perfumed oils.

He stood calmly while the servants undressed him and ushered him into the bathing chamber, where he was bathed in rosewater, sandalwood soap and wormwood oil. As he sat in the tub of warm, fragrant water, he stared at nothing, unblinking and lost in his thoughts with the servants scrubbing his back gently. One of the women kindly kneaded his shoulders, forcing him to relax while another rifled her slender fingers through his wet hair, massaging his scalp with some wormwood oil.

As composed as he seemed, his heart was in a turmoil. It was a feeling he had not been able to shake off since he was informed of the banquet he and his family would be hosting tonight. He felt like the young boy, who shyly hid behind a wall, peering over it only to steal glimpses of the man he had fallen in love with at the tender age of thirteen, again.

Except that now, since he had blossomed into a twenty-year-old, he no longer wanted to just steal small glances and long for soft touches.

He stepped out of the water and stood still while the servants wiped the dampness off his fair, supple skin and soft, chestnut-coloured hair. They were two of his best features, many used to say. He had inherited his mother’s skin and his father’s hair. When he was a child, his mother used to tell him that he could be spotted in any crowd by his beautiful, bright head. His siblings, however, had the hair of their mother. Auburn with a hint of black.

He let the servants clothe him next. The attire was a little more extravagant than usual, but that was also because he was to be presented before a royalty. Not for the first time, though.

Born as a nobleman’s only son, he had been in the presence of many peers of the realm and blue bloods. He had even been to the King and Queen’s palace in Skairon countless times, accompanying his father and the rest of his family. He did not think that even his red head could stand out in that crowd. His father did not particularly make an effort to introduce him to the royals and their court. He was the man’s shame after all.

“Do you prefer the sapphires or the emeralds, Milord?” asked a servant, holding up two boxes that held jewelleries made of sapphires and emeralds respectively.

He licked his lips and looked at the sapphires. “Those,” he muttered coolly.

Nodding her head, the servant retrieved the belly chain from the box and fastened it around his svelte, lean waist. It was made of gold and was embellished with the glimmering stones of blue. He was then prompted to put on the undershirt while the servants stroked the sides of his neck with drops of perfumed oil and stood on stools to comb his hair.

He glanced down at his heavily embroidered deep blue and green overcoat as another servant tightened the gold laces all the way up to the collar that hugged around his neck. She then clasped a silver neck chain around the neck as his eyes dropped to the sapphire pendant hanging on it.

The overcoat fitted him like a glove. It was tailored for him after all. He was taller than most in the house. Not many Novali clothes looked good on him.

The house usually bustled with at least fifty to sixty people, including the servants and the people who often visited his father to discuss business or some other matter. His father was a renowned man in Novalon and most of Slavaria. He was born noble and made a name for himself in the trade of winemaking. But today, it was more crowded than usual. The last time it had been this crowded was last year.

He closed his eyes when the servant dusted some rose and gold powders over his cheekbones. He was not overly fond with them. They made him look like one of his father’s whores. But he knew their visitor might appreciate him looking his absolute best.

Once he had put the rings on his fingers, he turned around to face his reflection in the mirror. He exhaled a heavy and shaky breath. His mother oftentimes preened on the fact that he was one of the most beautiful Novali boy. It was all that he had. His beauty. And it was not enough.

The door was sprung open before the twins burst into his chambers. “Brother! Brother!” cried Taina, rushing to his side. “He’s here! He is on his horse! With his guards! Mother and Father are welcoming him by the gates as we speak.”

His heart skipped a nervous beat.

Ciana grabbed onto his hand and beamed brightly, her dark hair braided and adorned with pins of pearls. The fourteen-year-old twins were attired in opulent red and yellow gowns, their cheeks dusted with rose powder.

“He is _so_ handsome,” remarked Ciana breathlessly. “He looks like a lion. Proud and majestic, Brother!”

He smiled and chuckled lightly at his sisters, as he recalled himself gushing over how handsome the man was some seven years ago when he saw him for the first time. He had not stopped gushing since. Only difference was that he did it silently.

“Let us go down now,” rasped Taina. “and welcome him.”

As he wended his way downstairs, hauled by his little sisters, he held his heart in his mouth. The last time they had seen each other was many moons ago, almost a year now. His letters were never returned. He understood why. The Prince was a busy man.

“It is mindboggling why he not taken a wife,” said Taina as they descended the stairs.

“If he waited a couple more years, I could be his wife,” replied Ciana, grinning wildly. Mother would not approve of her speaking or smiling as such.

“You wish,” snorted Taina. “We both know if he were to take one of us for a wife, it would be me.” She held her chin up and simpered.

“Why is that?” asked Ciana, making a face.

“Because I am prettier.”

“We are twins, though.”

“I said what I said.”

“Enough, you two,” he interrupted, taking hold of their skinny arms. He knew that the Prince would take a liking to neither of the twins.

When they reached the bottom of the staircase, they ran into their older sister, Kilah. She looked up at them and shook her head.

“What are you all dressed up for?” she asked with a scoff.

“Mother wanted us _all_ to look our best,” spat Ciana at their sister.

Kilah crossed her arms over her chest in the most unladylike manner, which would have really upset their mother had she been here. She was clad in her one of her simple gowns and had her hair down with a thin coronet around her head. She did not like to doll up for others.

“And look at you all looking like a bunch of common trulls.”

“Kilah,” said a stern voice before their eldest sister, Ferhin, walked up to them with their youngest sibling, Hanita. They had both cleaned up well, too. But Ferhin was always cleaned up well. She often saw herself as their mother, filling her position when needed. She was the calmest of the girls and the most mature. She was wise and patient. Not a hair out of place. She would make a proper lady to a nobleman one day.

“Are you fighting?” asked their four-year-old sister, clinging onto Ferhin’s gown.

“You will speak with manners today, Kilah,” Ferhin told Kilah, who was now scowling. “Come now. Father expects us at the gardens.”

They all followed Ferhin outside to the gardens where men were dismounting their horses and drawing their reins toward the stables. There was a gentle laughter, followed by a deep and gravelly voice that could make anyone’s heart beat faster.

“It is I who should thank you for your invite,” said the voice that had haunted his dreams for endless nights.

“My Prince, we are honoured to host you today,” said their father. “We were hoping you would spend the night, too after the banquet. There is good wine, and a table of food fit for a King.”

“That does sound wonderful. And I am happy to extend my stay before I ride for Awein.”

Their mother turned around and smiled at them before briefly frowning at Kilah. Shaking her head disapprovingly, she beckoned them forward.

“You remember our children,” said their father. “This is my eldest, Ferhin. My second, Kilah. My twins, Taina and Ciana. My youngest, Hanita. And this is… my son, Sehun.”

He did not sound so proud when introducing him.

The Prince smiled at every one of them, but his icy blue eyes settled on Sehun for a moment longer. A corner of his lips quirked up to a mischievous smirk that turned Sehun’s knees to water.

“I remember them,” the man said in a low voice, keeping his gaze fixed on Sehun.

He had not changed much since the last time Sehun had seen him, which was a year ago. He wore his blond hair slightly shorter now, even though he had always worn it short. His beard was thick but trimmed on his square jaw.

Sehun felt his heart pound against his chest as his gaze fell on the Prince’s smirking lips. He remembered it all too well. The way those lips had scorched against his own on a warm, summery night. As he recalled all the parts on his body that those lips had touched and savoured that night, his cheeks grew intensely hot and red. He lowered his head.

“Your Grace, shall we take this inside and put a winecup in your hand?” offered his father.

“I would like that very much,” said the Prince.

The bastard Prince of the late King. Prince Alvar Skyborn of Slavaria.

He had the body of a warrior. Tall and burly with a thick, powerful neck. His hands were rough and large. Sehun remembered the way they had held his small waist when he was only eighteen. They had done more than just hold his body.

Alvar was a man in a league of his own. If only he weren’t a bastard son who was born out of wedlock, he would make a strong King.

Nevertheless, he owned many lands and led many people who were loyal to him. In many ways, he was loved all across the country, even as a bastard.

There could not be a person in the country who would not fall for his charms. He was honest, kind, generous, strong, strict when necessary and was a good man.

Sehun was nothing but a child when he fell for those charms.

“Was the ride here comfortable?” inquired their father as they made their way to the drawing room.

“As comfortable as it can be with your balls squashed against the back of a horse,” replied Alvar.

Kilah and the twins giggled behind him. Ferhin glared at them sharply.

Chuckling, their father said, “It has been a while since you were last here.”

“I did not have much business in Novalon in the past year. And… well, with everything that happened lately…” He ran a hand through his thick hair that was cropped short at the sides. Sehun’s breathing came out short and struggled.

“We are very sorry for your loss,” said their mother. “It has been a great loss for the entire country.”

“I’m sure,” sighed Alvar. “But even Kings could not battle the illness that strike our bodies.”

“He was a good King, and I’m sure he was a good father to you.”

He was not. He was a good King. But he was not a good father to Alvar. Sehun knew that because Alvar had told him.

The Prince did not reply to that. When some of his guards eventually joined his sides, he told them to guard him from a distance because he was safe here.

“Children, you may go now,” said their mother when they reached the drawing room.

“Aw, Mother. Can’t we stay?” begged Ciana, who was dismissed.

Sehun glanced over his mother’s shoulder and looked at the Prince. Alvar spared him no look as he sauntered into the drawing room with his father.

Sighing, he turned around and started to walk away. He should get ready for the banquet tonight, anyway.

He was, however, dragged into the sunroom by his sisters.

“He is the most handsome man I have ever seen!” exclaimed Ciana. “Did you notice how big his hands are?”

“Ciana,” chided Ferhin. “It is inappropriate to speak of a Prince like that.”

“He’s not going to hear us,” she snorted. “How did Father even become friends with a Prince?!”

“He knows the royal family,” said Kilah as she lounged on one of the feather pallets on the floor. Sehun took a seat next to her and grabbed a bowl of fruits.

“He supplies them with the best wine in the country,” added Ferhin. “The Prince has been coming over for dinners every now and then.”

“I had not noticed that he was so good-looking before,” said Taina.

Hanita climbed into Sehun’s lap and opened her mouth, asking her brother to feed her. Sehun bit into a grape and popped half of it into his sister’s mouth. She leaned against his chest as she chewed on it happily.

“You have been awfully quiet,” Kilah told Sehun. “Have you nothing to say about the Prince?”

Sehun glanced to Ferhin, who was staring at him. Then clearing his throat, he said, “No.”

“Ferhin,” gasped Ciana. “You must marry him! Oh, you must marry him! Make him court you!”

“I do not wish to marry the bastard Prince,” said Kilah.

“Nobody asked you to,” spat Ciana. “You are too ugly for him, anyway.”

Kilah stuck her tongue out at her sister.

Sehun fed Hanita with more fruits while he listened to his sisters argue back and forth about who deserved the Prince more.

“He is a guest in our house,” said Ferhin at one point as a servant, sent by their mother, came in to serve them some jasmine tea. “I am sure he would not appreciate all of you treating him like a prey. Not to mention he is a Prince.”

“A bastard Prince,” Kilah said again. “Even he does not know who his mother is. He was only told that she was a chambermaid his father had knocked up on a night when he was half seas over, too drunk on wine to remember his name. She ran away from the palace as soon as she gave birth to him.”

Sehun clenched his jaw. “Nevertheless, he is royalty and a Skyborn,” he spat in his sister’s way. “If your words were heard by him or someone else, he has the right to mete out punishments in line with lese-majesty. So, I suggest you watch your tongue, Kilah Before you get it cut off.”

Everyone in the sunroom quieted down for a moment, gawking at Sehun as though he were a ghost.

Ferhin shook her head lightly and took a sip of her tea. “Sehun is right. Watch what you say for as long as he stays here,” she said.

Sehun gave Hanita’s head a kiss before he rose to his feet and excused himself to be sent to his chambers. When he was there, he summoned the servants and ordered them to bring him his white and gold tunic along with some sashes for him to wear tonight at the banquet.


	2. Chapter 2

# C H A P T E R   O N E

 

 

 

The Novali music that coursed through the feast hall beat against the soles of his feet and against his chest. The people of Novalon were known for their feasts and festivities. Their men could drink like animals and without inhibition. Their women were beautiful enough to make a man weak in the knees with a single glance.

The Prince’s guards were ordered to empty as many casks of wine as they wanted and bed as many women they could handle tonight. It was not as if a man like Alvar needed much protection from other men, anyway. Sehun had seen him with a sword.

He had not really seen many swordsmen in his lifetime, but he knew for a fact that not many men could wield a sword as masterfully as Alvar Skyborn could.

“When does Your Highness plan to return to Skairon?” asked Sehun’s father, seated at one end of the table in the feast hall while the other men clanked tankards and drained them like pirates.

Alvar, nursing a winecup in his hand, took a moment to answer as he glanced at his men around the feast hall with a smug smile etched to his lips.

Sehun had not been able to stomach much of the food on his plate. He found his eyes to wandering to the man every few heartbeats, wondering if Alvar would look at him.

“Perhaps three fortnights after my arrival in Awein,” Alvar said at length. His eyes met Sehun’s then. His smile widened when Sehun blushed and looked away with his stomach turning in knots.

“You will be there for your brother’s coronation, will you not?” asked Sehun’s mother.

Sehun felt his sisters, Ciana and Taina, kicking each other’s feet under the table. One of them giggled softly and nodded her head toward the Prince.

“I hope to,” said Alvar. “If I am not hindered by something that comes up at that time.”

“The Queen Regent must be counting the days,” she sighed.

“What do you think of your inexperienced half-brother taking the throne after your father’s sudden passing, Your Grace?” asked Sehun’s father.

The table was suddenly quiet. Ferhin and Kilah’s eyes widened simultaneously. Sehun glanced to his father in disbelief. Clearly, the man had had too much wine.

Alvar arched an eyebrow at the man. “What do I think?”

“Yes, yes,” said the man, almost drawling. “I am aware that he is the rightful heir to the throne. But he _is_ a boy, and the boy has not even seen a single war. He has never left the palace. All that he knows about the people and ruling came from the inked pages of a book. What does he know about being a King?”

“Darling,” called Sehun’s mother, reaching a hand out to her husband. “Perhaps it is time we retired for the night.”

“I am only saying that, Your Grace,” he told Alvar. “there is a better candidate for the throne.”

Alvar cleared his throat and took a swig of his wine. “I will see to it that my brother rises to the throne,” he said sternly. It was not always that he used that tone, but when he did, it usually meant that he was gravely serious.

Sehun’s father bowed his head slowly, exhaling heavily. “Pardon me if I have overstepped, Your Grace.”

“I suggest that you do your part to pledge your allegiance to him forthwith,” said Alvar. “I am certain that you are well-informed of the tradition that every noble household is required to send largesse to the new King in the form of service or gold. Perhaps pledging your allegiance with what you value the most might save your neck one day for so carelessly admitting your disfavour for your Crown Prince.”

Sehun noticed the way his father’s face reddened while his mother worriedly frowned at her daughters.

“We ought to call it a night,” said his mother with a nervous smile. “If you would so kindly excuse us, My Prince.”

Alvar gave a curt nod of his head. “Thank you for the wonderful meal and a hospitable company, Lord and Lady Avniel.”

Everyone but Alvar rose from their seats as their father and mother stood up.

“See to it that the Prince and his men’s needs are taken care of,” their mother ordered the servants before she turned to her children. “Girls, head to bed.”

Ferhin ushered her sisters out of the feast hall at once before any of the drunk guards could turn their attention away from the courtesans that were entertaining them.

Sehun paused for a moment to glance at Alvar who knocked back another cup of wine. The Prince did not look at him as he shot up from his seat and glanced to a servant, who led him out of the feast hall.

As he strutted past Sehun, his blue eyes lifted to gaze at the brown ones. Sehun felt his heart flutter in that instant. It was the same gaze that had made him weak the first time those cold eyes had regarded him as more than just a little boy.

“Sehun,” called Ferhin when she found him standing idly in the feast hall by the table. “Will you go to bed now?”

Sehun glanced at the Prince’s guards who were enjoying themselves after days of riding without much rest. “I will,” he lied.

As he started past his sister, she caught his arm. “May I have a word with you before that?”

He nodded and followed her out of the feast hall. In the corridor, she fixed him with a dubious look.

“I hope you know what you are doing,” she said quietly.

Sehun blinked. “I’m not doing… anything.”

Her brows dipped low in concern. “He is notorious for having many lovers with no intention of marrying any one of them.”

Sehun rolled his eyes then. “You are wrong about him.”

“Sehun—”

“You do not know him,” he spat furiously. “You do not know what he feels for me.”

“What… do you think he feels for you?” she asked, frowning.

“I… He loves me.”

“Did he tell you that?”

Sehun bit his tongue. “No, not in those exact words.”

“No, not in any _words_. Oh… Sehun. You are young, so you believe what you want to believe. And love can make you foolish and blind and ignorant.”

“Ferhin, I am not foolish,” he said through his teeth.

“No, you are not, Brother. I’m sorry. But if he loved you, he would not come back a year later after… everything that he has done to you.”

“He is a Prince. He has other responsibilities. Besides, he told me that he would come back for me. And he has.”

He regretted telling Ferhin everything that had happened between him and Alvar. But he was at his lowest, missing the man more than he could ever tell him, longing to see him again. In that vulnerable moment, Ferhin had found him crying in his bedchamber. He had broken down to her that day, telling her that he was in love.

“So, what you are saying is that you will go back to him,” she said.

“Without question. You should just worry about how Father is about to send you off to Skairon as tribute to the new King,” Sehun replied and shoved past her, heading back to his chambers.

It made the most sense that Ferhin would be the largesse. She would be one of Prince Fredegar’s consorts or if he did not deem her worthy, she would just be his whore. If the Prince preferred someone younger, then it would have to be Kilah. Sehun did not believe that his father would give away trunks of gold that took him decades to earn when he could forge an alliance with the royal family by whoring one of his daughters out.

Though he started for his chambers with clenched hands at his sides, he found himself heading in the direction of the guest quarters in the west wing.

The last time he had slinked off to the west wing in the dead of the night after the rest of his family had gone to bed was the last time Alvar was here.

When he reached the guest chambers, he stood before the door with his insides twisted with anxiety. He was not even sure if the Prince would want to see him now. Not that he had ever turned Sehun away when he approached the man.

Drawing a deep breath, he pushed the door open and entered before quietly shutting it behind him. In the dark, his eyes squinted as they searched the room for the Prince. They eventually turned to the open doors of the balcony through which the moonlight and the smell of the sea flooded in.

And facing the sea was Alvar, shoulders slumped for once as he was leaning over the railing. Sehun tried to calm his heart as he took a few steps toward the man.

It was true that they had not spoken in months. What should he even say to the man he loved? What was he expecting to hear from the man in reply?

He wondered if Alvar were lost in his thoughts and had not noticed his presence. But then the Prince, without turning around, said, “I was hoping that you would come.”

Sehun’s breathing quickened. In a soft whisper, he said, “Me too.”

Alvar straightened up and turned around then to face Sehun with a blank expression. “I wanted to come sooner,” he said. There was not really a hint of guilt. But he explained himself, anyway. “I had missed you.”

Sehun’s jaw fell slack. He wanted to run into the man’s arms. But he collected himself and closed the distance between them, joining Alvar on the balcony at his side.

“I had missed you, too,” he muttered, holding the railing. The stone was cool against his palms. He shuddered when Alvar placed a hand on top of his, curling his fingers around it. He shyly lowered his head.

“I still remember the first time you had come into my room on a night much like this one,” said Alvar, snaking an arm around the back of Sehun’s waist before settling a hand on a corner of it. “You were very young then. And so pure and naïve. I see that not much has changed.”

He removed his hand from Sehun’s and gently held his chin instead, lifting it so that he could meet Sehun’s eyes. He smiled. He had turned thirty-six this year, Sehun realized. But the man still looked as handsome as ever.

Sehun raised his hands to Alvar’s chest and let them rest there as he gazed up into the man’s eyes. “I love you,” he blurted out in a breath then.

Smiling, Alvar cupped Sehun’s face in his hands and leaned his head down.

As their lips touched, Sehun clenched his eyes, hands fisting around the Prince’s shirt. His eyes watered, and a sob rose in his throat. He had missed the man so much.

Alvar kissed him softly, as though he were the most delicate thing in the world. His beard, however, scraped Sehun’s skin mercilessly, leaving it red. Sehun held his breath while Alvar savoured his lips one by one, his hand dropping down to press against the small of Sehun’s back to pull him closer.

Sehun finally gasped for a breath when Alvar pulled back. He lovingly caressed Sehun’s cheek with a callused hand. “You are so beautiful,” he purred, brushing his lips against Sehun’s forehead. Then drawing away, he led Sehun back into the room and kissed him again, hands gracefully and steadily removing the sashes from Sehun’s shoulders before undoing the laces of his tunic. Sehun let him. He knew he would let the man do anything he wanted.

It began when he was thirteen. At the time, it was an infatuation that was meant to pass with years. But the more the Prince visited the best winemaker in all of Slavaria whenever he rose past the City of Novalon, the more Sehun’s attraction toward the man grew. Soon, before he knew it, he was falling in love with everything that the man did.

He began to dedicate most of his time to learning about the royal family, Prince Alvar Skyborn in particular. Just in his twenties, the Prince had led the army into battles as its Commander for years and won all of them before he was given most of the lands in the south of Slavaria to take care of and the new Captain of the King’s Guard was appointed as the acting Commander of the army during war times. The provinces and cities under Prince Alvar thrived better than the others. He was a strong leader and a convincing diplomat. Skills which the new King would certainly lack for the first few years after his ascension.

Whenever Sehun was in Skairon, invited by the royal family, he used to look for the older Prince. Of course, he was young and insignificant to the man then. It was not until he had turned eighteen and stepped into his manhood when the Prince had even taken a good look at him. He had acknowledged Sehun’s blushes and subtle advances immediately.

During one of his visits, he had curled his hand around Sehun’s wrist after dinner one night and told him to come see him in his room later in a whisper.

Sehun would never forget how nervous he had been that night, making his way to the Prince’s room. Or everything that had happened after that. It had not stopped there. Every night that he had spent on Alvar’s bed, under the man, holding onto him like he never wanted to let go was engraved to his brain like a branding iron.

He shivered when Alvar was done undoing all of the laces of his tunic. Breaking the kiss, he tilted his head to press his mouth against Sehun’s neck.

Sehun tossed his head back, baring his neck, and moaned as Alvar’s beard pricked his skin there. The Prince hooked an arm around Sehun’s waist, dragging his mouth down to Sehun’s collarbones before he went lower, peppering Sehun’s chest and belly with soft, fluttering kisses that were complemented by the roughness of his beard.

Burying his fingers into Alvar’s short hair, Sehun gasped for air, wanting to go on his own knees to taste the man in his mouth again.

Alvar rose back to his full height and shoved Sehun to lie down on the bed before undressing him. Sehun whimpered softly when Alvar latched his lips to his nipple and sucked on it while his hands fumbled to unlace Sehun’s trousers.

Then kneeling up between Sehun’s legs, he yanked the trousers off and stripped Sehun down to his drawers. Before tugging them off too, he bowed his head to pelt the insides of Sehun’s thighs with kisses.

Even though it had been a while since they had been together, Sehun did not feel uncomfortable. He loved the man. He knew there was nothing to be uncomfortable about.

He realized then that Alvar had not answered his confession earlier.

The sound of Alvar’s rugged breathing reverberated through the room as he removed his shirt and discarded it on the floor and hurriedly unlaced his pants.

Sehun sat up and craned his head to look up at the Prince with yearning eyes. With one hand fisted around his hardening, thick cock and the other clamped against a side of Sehun’s face, Alvar dipped his head low to kiss Sehun’s eager lips.

“Turn around,” Alvar then murmured against Sehun’s mouth.

Breath hitching, Sehun lied back down and turned onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. He trembled as Alvar kissed along his spine, slithering up his back before he reached for bedside table to retrieve the oil canister.

He worked Sehun through and through with his fingers first while his teeth bruised the back of Sehun’s shoulder. When he finally slid into Sehun, the world shut down around them. In that moment, it was just them. And Sehun could not ask for anything more. He felt all of Alvar. His body was crushed under the Prince’s, his insides tight around Alvar’s cock. He wanted to be ruined. He needed Alvar to make him his and only his.

Someday, Sehun hoped, Alvar would take him away from here and that they would be together. He was not sure when it would happen, but he was willing to stay optimistic.

To him, it all seemed very simple. He loved Alvar. And he believed that Alvar loved him, too. Perhaps he was too naïve after all. Or he simply chose to turn a blind eye to the doubts as Ferhin had suggested.

But he knew he would do anything for Alvar. He would do anything for them to be together and for Alvar to love him back.

At first light, he roused to the sound of Alvar’s heavy and steady breathing. He was not sure when either of them had fallen asleep. Raising his head from the Prince’s chest, he stared at the sleeping man for a moment, admiring the blond lashes that framed his eyes.

Pressing a light kiss to Alvar’s lips, careful not to wake the man up, Sehun climbed out of the bed and winced as his lower body caved in agony. It had been a long while since he had done it, so he had expected it to bring him some discomfort. Nonetheless, he wore it with pride and would not hesitate to do it again if Alvar wanted him.

He half-heartedly slinked out of the room and headed up to his own. He did not want to push his luck. If the rest of his family found out, he would not only lose face but also whatever respect his father had left for him.

It was bad enough that Sehun was such a disappointment to his father. He did not want him to know that his only son was also bending for another man.

Back in his own chambers, he stepped into the bathing chamber and washed himself promptly before crawling into the bed, where he stayed awake as the sun rapidly clambered up the morning sky. Perhaps Alvar would take him with him this time. Perhaps this would be the year that Sehun would finally find a purpose in life and matter to someone.

He shut his eyes before the brewing tears could fall from them.

* * *

He was summoned to join his family and the Prince in the gardens later that morning. On his way, he ran into Hanita, who immediately held her arms up with a soft, “mmh”, asking him to lift her. Her hands were clamped around flowers she must have plucked from the gardens.

Picking her up, Sehun gave her chubby cheek a kiss and said, “Have you breakfasted?”

She nodded her head as she tucked a yellow flower behind Sehun’s ear. “ _Pwetty_ ,” she giggled. She returned Sehun’s kiss on his cheek before she asked to be lowered back to the ground.

As she ran away with her short legs, Sehun called out to her, “Be careful.”

He then found his way to his family. His sisters looked up at him from the table they were seated at. “Good morning, Brother,” said Ciana as Sehun took his seat. He glanced to the other table that his parents and Alvar were occupying.

“Good morning,” Sehun replied, tearing his gaze away from the Prince, whose fair hair glimmered under the bright morning sun.

Ferhin was staring at him, gracefully waving a fan in her hand before she glanced to Kilah, who exhaled loudly. “Do not slouch, Kilah,” she told her. “And do not pout like that.”

“I am bored,” said Kilah. “Why must we sit here and pretend like we enjoy breakfasting together out in the gardens?”

“We are entertaining the Prince,” replied Ferhin.

“By sitting here like stones?”

“I am enjoying myself,” said Taina, glimpsing Prince Alvar with a smirk. Sehun followed her gaze and felt his heart clench strangely as he looked at the man he had made love with last night.

It seemed as though his parents and the Prince were engaged in a serious conversation.

“He is almost forty, Taina,” spat Kilah. “You are being distasteful.”

“So? The older the men are, the more experienced they would be,” said Taina, shrugging. “He is a Prince at that.”

“You are a child,” said Sehun. He knew his sisters fawning over the Prince was nothing to be fretted over. Still, it made him uncomfortable.

“I am not a child,” spat Taina. “I have bled.”

“That is enough,” chided Ferhin then. “We will speak no more of this.”

Sehun looked away as a servant filled his cup with some warm tea. That was when he noted the distress in his mother’s face as she listened to what her husband and the Prince were discussing.

“What are they talking about?” he asked his sisters. “Mother looks troubled.”

“Why do you care?” asked Ciana. “It is none of our business.”

Sehun faced Ferhin with a frown. He felt bad for lashing out at her yesterday and saying those mean things to her. He did not want her to be sent away to Skairon to become the new King’s consort. He wanted none of his sisters to be pawned away.

He knew if their father had a choice, he would have whored his disappointing son out without a second thought. The man loved his daughters. They all made him proud because, one day, they would become wives to powerful men. They stood, sat, ate, slept the way he had wanted them to. But not Sehun. He had wanted a red-blooded, rough-and-tumble son, who would pick up a sword and make his old man proud. But all he got was a weak-wristed boy, who refused to be anything that his father wanted him to be. In a way, it was not his father’s fault that he was loathed. Every man wanted a strong, virile son.

Sehun was not sure why he turned out the way he did. He did not want to hold a sword. He liked jewellery, painting, reciting poems, visiting animal shelters, and flowers. It might have been because he had grown up with only sisters who loved all those things, too. Or perhaps he was the way he was because he was born that way, and no one was to be blamed for it. Either way, he was an embarrassment to his father. Something that should be hidden away.

“You must admit,” Ciana said at length. “That man would make a fine King.”

“He is third in line for the throne,” said Kilah.

“Third?” asked Taina.

“Should anything happen to Prince Fredegar, his mother will remain Queen Regent until Prince Fredegar’s heir comes of age. And if anything happened to the Queen Regent in that time, God forbid, the royal bastard is the only heir left to the claim of the crown.”

“I do not remember anything about Prince Fredegar,” said Ciana, taking a sip of her tea.

“Because you were young when you last saw him,” said Ferhin.

“What is he like, then?”

“Incredibly handsome,” said Kilah, smirking.

“I bet he is not more handsome than Prince Alvar,” said Taina.

“Oh, you have no idea.”

“Is he really that handsome?” asked Ciana.

“Rumour has it that he has slept with half the women in Skairon, and he’s not even twenty-one.”

“Where do you get your information from?” asked Sehun, scoffing. “Nobody knows much about the Crown Prince. He is very private. Besides, he is not the type to lay around with commoners.”

“Where do _you_ get your ‘reliable’ information from?” retorted Kilah, her smile widening.

Sehun clenched his teeth. He looked at Alvar after a moment. He hoped to get some time alone with the man before he left.

* * *

Later, as he meandered his way to the drawing room, summoned by his father, he heard his blood drum in his ears. His father never asked to speak with him. Especially not alone. Dread filled his chest. Could he have found out about Sehun’s affair with the Prince? Was he about to disown Sehun for it?

He was surprised to find Alvar and his mother along with his father in the drawing room when he entered.

“You wanted to see me, Father?” he said diffidently, eyes flitting to the Prince, who was sitting regally in the chaise lounge, with his legs crossed. He gave Sehun a faint and brief smile when Sehun bowed his head before the Prince.

“Sehun, darling,” his mother called, her voice thick with distress. “Please, sit down. Your father and I have something important to discuss with you.”

Alvar rose to his feet then and buttoned his overcoat. “I will leave you alone, then,” he said and took his leave, strutting out of the drawing room with pride in his strides.

Sehun took his seat and glanced to his father, who was facing the window, nursing a winecup in his hand.

“What is it, Mother?” he asked.

His mother did not answer as she hung her head and sighed sadly. Sehun grew increasingly agitated, seeing his mother’s anguish.

“You will go to Skairon in two weeks’ time,” said his father then in a dull voice as he sipped his wine.

Sehun blinked confusedly. “I will?”

His father turned around but did not look at Sehun as he decanted more wine into his cup. “The Crown Prince is recruiting soldiers for his new Guard. Many of the members of the King’s Guard are retiring.”

Sehun was not sure why his father was telling him this. And he certainly did not see how it was related to him having to go to Skairon. But he waited for his father to say more.

“The noblemen are sending their able sons to take the new King’s coin and enlist,” added his father. “I will not sit around and blanket _my_ son in the safety of my home while the other noble sons are doing their part to serve our new King.”

The pace of Sehun’s heart slowly began to quicken. “I… I am not sure that I follow you, Father,” he said quietly.

His father looked up at him then. With a hateful glower. “You will enlist. If you get through the training, you will join the new King’s Guard. If not, you may return home as a failure and another disappointment.”

Sehun stopped breathing for a moment as he rose to his feet. “Father, you cannot be serious.”

“Do I look like I’m jesting?” growled his father as he slammed the winecup down and took a step forward to Sehun.

“What your father is trying to say is that,” his mother said, standing up to put herself between her son and her husband. “we must do our bit to pay largesse to the new King. We cannot afford to look cheap with our allegiance, son.”

“So, your plan is to sacrifice me?” Sehun spat.

“Sacrifice you?” his father spat through his teeth. “You are a man. It is about time you dropped your pretty pearls and picked up a sword and brought some honour to this family.”

“I do not know the first thing about fighting or guarding, Father,” he rasped. “You are deliberately sending me as largesse so that you could get rid of me and not any of your daughters.”

“I am glad you can at least catch up on that so quick,” scoffed his father as he picked his winecup up again.

“Your father does not mean that,” his mother whispered to him, pressing a hand to Sehun’s back.

“He does,” Sehun said with a sob rising in his throat. He looked at his father again. “You will never accept me. I will always be a disappointment to you.”

“You have learned that well, haven’t you?” said his father without an ounce of culpability in his tone. “You are in no position to argue here. You will leave for Skairon in a fortnight.”

“To join the new King’s Guard?” Sehun let out in disbelief. “Me?”

“You will join the training,” the man said. “You will not get past even that. If you do not get yourself killed in the capital, you will be back here, covered in your gold dusts and silks in no time.”

Sehun’s eyes stung with tears. “What did I… ever do to you?” he exhaled. “Why do you hate me so? I am your son.”

“You may be my blood, but you are no _son_ of mine. Now, get out.”

Sehun stared at the man for a length, hands fisted at his sides before he turned on his heel and stormed out of the room with furious tears running down his cheeks.

It was not what he had expected. He had not seen it coming. He did not think that his father would consider him valuable enough to be offered away as an instrument of allegiance. But it made sense. Why would he give away one of his precious daughters when he could kill two birds with one stone by sending his ropy son away? He would get rid of Sehun while pledging his allegiance to the new King.

Sehun always knew that his father had no love for him. Even so, it struck him hard.

As the evening began to befall the city with a faint darkness, he sat in the gardens, staring at the flower bushes aimlessly. Perhaps his fate would change before he would have to leave for Skairon. Perhaps Alvar would take him away.

“ _Bwother_?” he heard Hanita’s tiny voice before he glanced to her. She clung onto the edge of the bench Sehun was seated on and looked up at him with big, wide brown eyes. She then stretched her arms out to Sehun.

Sighing, Sehun picked his baby sister up and settled her on his lap. “Hey,” he whispered and brushed his lips to her temple.

“You look sad,” she mewled, resting her head on his shoulder. She should not be wandering around the house like this at this hour. Where was her governess, Sehun wondered.

Perhaps it was a good thing that his father had chosen Sehun as a largesse to the new King. This way, none of his sisters would have to leave home.

Still, Sehun knew nothing about being a soldier. He was not like the other noble sons, who grew up with swords and ambitions to become a dueller or a warrior one day.

He lifted his head and glanced at the man, who had walked into the gardens and was approaching him. His chest tightened.

“Go play,” he muttered to his little sister and lowered her from his lap.

As she hurried away, he rose from the bench and faced Alvar.

He bowed his head and said, “Good evening, Your Highness.”

Alvar smiled as he sank into a seat on the bench before patting it, beckoning Sehun to sit down beside him. Once Sehun had seated himself again, the Prince curled a hand around the back of his neck and drew him in for a soft kiss.

Sehun let out a heavy breath as he pulled back from the chaste kiss. “Someone might see,” he muttered.

“I am a Prince. What will they do?” he scoffed.

“Well, _I’m_ not a Prince. And my father certainly will find ways to punish me in the worst ways possible. I believe he already has, though.”

He dropped his head, frowning at the grass. He felt Alvar’s hand press against his thigh. “You are not happy about his sudden decision,” noted the Prince.

Shaking his head, Sehun murmured, “It is not a sudden decision. He has always wanted me gone.”

“And why have you stayed?”

Sehun felt his eyes prick. “I had nowhere else to go.”

Alvar took hold of his hand then. “You have a chance to go somewhere now.”

“It is not the same. I cannot fight. I will embarrass myself there. I would not fit in. It is… far from everything that I know.”

“You do not know that for certain,” said Alvar. “Noblemen’s sons go to the capital to serve the King and his family all the time. More often than not, they are given privileges that the common soldiers aren’t. So, I would not be too worried. You will have your own quarters at the palace instead of the barracks. You will be cared for, and you would have an opportunity to return home whenever you want.”

Sehun blinked. “Did you… I… I mean, you have no part to play in this, have you?”

Alvar released his hand and sighed heavily. “I might,” he said. Sehun gaped at him. “I heard that your father was planning on sending you away to a country beyond the seas. I told him that you would be of more use if you were sent to Skairon to serve my brother. I promise you, you will be safe there and closer to home.”

Sehun breathed hard. “Why? Can I not just… go _with_ you?”

“Sehun,” he said and kissed Sehun’s cheek gently. “You must learn some independence first.”

Sehun’s heart swelled at that. He raised a hand to a side of Alvar’s face and stroked his beard. “I will miss you.”

“We will see each other in Skairon,” said the Prince as he rose to his full height. He then held a hand down to Sehun. As soon as Sehun had taken it, he pulled the boy up.

“We will?” let out Sehun as Alvar put a hand on his waist. Suddenly, he saw a silver lining that removed some weight from his chest.

“I ride for Awein at nightfall. Will you do me the honour of keeping me company until then?” asked the Prince with a coy smirk that weakened Sehun immediately.

He nodded his head. “Of course, Your Grace.”

* * *

Alvar must love him after all if he were looking out for Sehun’s welfare. And he had a point. They would be able to see each other more often if Sehun were in Skairon.

Even so, he could not disregard the fact that his family was sending him away to train to become a member of the King’s Guard. His father was right, however. Sehun would not even make it past the training.

As they lay on the bed, bathed in sweat, catching their breath, Sehun drew his fingers along the solid muscles of Alvar’s abdomen, head resting on the man’s heaving chest.

“How do you know I will be safe in Skairon?” he asked quietly.

Alvar stroked his arm for a moment before he sat up and picked up his trousers from the ground. “My men there will keep an eye on you.”

“You would… do that for me?”

Alvar glanced back at him and smiled. “Of course.” He rose from the bed and pulled his trousers on. While lacing them, he kept his eyes on Sehun. “The only thing that worries me is that… your loyalty will be with my brother now.”

Blinking confusedly, Sehun sat up and stared at the man. “What do you mean?”

Alvar’s piercing blue eyes bored into his brown ones then. The Prince leaned forward and took hold of Sehun’s chin between his fingers.

Licking his lips, he said, “He will be King. He is young. He has the Queen Regent, a powerful court and a formidable defence on his side. I would not blame you if your affection was swayed.”

Sehun pulled away, scowling. “Do you think so low of me?”

Straightening up, Alvar arched an eyebrow at him. “Your father has been very pronounced about where their loyalty lies. What about you?”

Sehun knelt up and covered himself with the eiderdown, his scowl softened into a frown. “My loyalty to you will never waver,” he said shakily. He did not quite understand why Alvar was provoking the discussion. “But am I not… supposed to be loyal to my King?”

“Fredegar is not _your_ King, my love,” said the man. Sehun was surprised to hear the Prince such a thing. It was uncharacteristic of him. Plumping back on the bed, Alvar cupped a side of Sehun’s face. “Who is your King?” he asked in a low growl, each word laced with a command that sent a shiver down Sehun’s spine.

He wordlessly stared into those icy eyes for a moment with his heart hammering against his ribs. Then almost breathlessly, he said, “You are.”

Alvar’s lips stretched into a predatory smile. “You said that you love me,” he murmured, leaning in to brush their lips together. “Do you swear your loyalty to the man you love?”

Sehun nodded his head, splaying his fingers upon Alvar’s chest. He was panting for air now, almost whimpering. “I do.”

“Then never forget it,” said the Prince. Pressing one last kiss to Sehun’s lips, Alvar rose from the bed again and pulled on his shirt. Sehun could not calm his heart as he pondered over what the Prince meant with what he had just said.

“When will I… see you again?” he asked, crawling to the edge of the bed, looking up at the man with glassy eyes.

“Sooner than you think,” said Alvar. “We will be together again before you know it.”

Sehun steadied his heartbeat, convincing himself that he believed the Prince. They would be together again and eventually, forever.

“I just have one favour to ask of you.”

Sehun gawked at the man in surprise. Favour? What favour could Sehun possibly give a Prince? “A… favour?”

Alvar nodded. “My brother is very young to be King. He might make some mistakes along the way. And he might have enemies he does not even know of. I need your help. I need you to keep me posted on everything that goes on over there.”

“Me?”

“Yes. Should anything out of the ordinary happen in the capital, will you let me know?”

“Oh.” Sehun sat up straighter. “You want me to… report to you, Your Highness?”

Alvar chuckled softly. “What if I am?” he asked, taking hold of Sehun’s face in his hands.

Sehun blinked at him. “I do not understand.”

“The more you bring to me, my love, the sooner we’d be together,” said the Prince. “Again, do not forget where your loyalty lies.”

“I would never, My Prince,” Sehun breathed out, kneeling up and gazing into the man’s eyes like a lovesick pup. He wanted Alvar to pledge his love, too. He longed to hear the man tell him that he loved him. He had been waiting for it since the first time they had kissed.

Alvar softly cupped his chin and drew his thumb along a side of his jaw before he backed away without giving Sehun the kiss he was hoping for.

“Your _King_ ,” the Prince spat as he turned his back to Sehun to pull his overcoat on.

“You should be,” Sehun muttered then. Alvar faced him again with a complacent smile that brought Sehun a sort of satisfaction. “You should be King.”

Alvar bowed and kissed him. Deeply. Lovingly. Then pulling back a little, he swiped his thumb along Sehun’s lower lip. With a shaky breath, Sehun rose to his knees and walked his hands down the Prince’s chest.

“I will be.”

* * *

Sehun stood on the balcony that overlooked the front yard of the house with the fine hairs on the nape of his neck sticking up.

“I will miss him,” said Taina with a huge sigh, standing beside Sehun with her chin planted in her hands, elbows on the railing of the balcony as she watched the Prince and his men mount their horses.

Kilah rolled her eyes. “You did not even say a word to him,” she remarked.

“I know,” sighed Taina. “Missed opportunity.”

Ferhin shook her head disapprovingly but did not comment.

Sehun returned his gaze to Alvar, who reined his horse toward the gates. He would see the man again soon.

He and his sisters spun around when they heard the doors swing open. Ciana burst into the room and hurried to them, her face paled and eyes bulged out.

“Is it true?!” she exclaimed with a gasp, looking at Sehun.

“Is what true?” asked Taina.

“You are going to Skairon!”

“You _are_?” Taina gasped, turning to Sehun. Kilah pulled away from the railing to gape at Sehun in disbelief. Ferhin did not seem surprised, but she looked away with a frown.

Sehun licked his lips and nodded his head slowly. “It was not my decision,” he muttered.

Ciana’s eyes reddened at once. “No!” she cried and threw her arms around Sehun’s waist, burying her face in his abdomen. “You are not leaving us!”

Exhaling heavily, Sehun wrapped his arms around his sobbing sister. “It is not up to me, Ciana.”

“Hold on,” said Kilah. “Why are you leaving for Skairon?”

“As largesse from the house to the new King,” said Ferhin with a composure none of the other sisters had. Sehun was glad that Hanita was downstairs with their mother.

“What?!” cried Taina. “Why doesn’t Father just give away some gold?!”

“The other noblemen are pledging their allegiance with gifts far more valuable than gold,” replied Ferhin sadly. Sehun wondered for how long she had known that he would be the one. “The daughters will be sent as prospects for consorts, the sons as prospects for the King’s Guard and army.”

“That isn’t fair!” Taina spewed. “Is it conclusive? Must you really leave?” she asked, looking at her brother with tears brimming in her eyes.

“Father has made up his mind,” said Sehun as Ciana pulled away from him to wipe her face with a handkerchief. “We cannot voice objections to his words now, can we?”

Kilah was uncharacteristically quiet. But the grief was palpable in her ashen expression.

“You are to join the army?” asked Taina, grimacing. “You are no soldier, Brother.”

“Not the army. I hope,” he said. “But the training for new guards for the Crown Prince.”

“How can _you_ be a guard?” said Kilah at last. “Has Father gone batshit mad?”

“Kilah,” Ferhin chided. “Do not disrespect our father like that.”

“I am not disrespecting him, but you must admit, how in the world did he figure that our brother would make a fine guard of the monarch?” she scoffed, sounding absolutely appalled. “I am sure even _I_ can wield a knife better than he.”

“You are not wrong,” Sehun told her, smiling pitifully. “But it is not the end of the world. Father says that I may return if I do not make it into the King’s Guard. Which I will not. So, I will not be gone forever.”

“But for long enough,” bleated Ciana. “It is far from everything that you know, Brother. Skairon is the capital. It is not like Novalon.”

“I am aware. If it were up to me, I would never leave any of you. But if I don’t go, then… Father might make one of you go.” He looked to Ferhin then.

Kilah pulled a face. “You mean, Ferhin would be sent as a prospect for consort?” she said angrily.

“Or you,” Sehun sighed. “It will be all right. I will be all right.”

He tried to sound as reassuring as he could, even though he did not believe his own words.

“When do you leave?” questioned Taina.

“Father says in two weeks,” he replied.

No one said anything more as they stared at the night sky and the quiet city before them.

* * *

When the day finally came, the day that Sehun dreaded the most, he did not know if he would even survive so far away from home on his own, in the capital where nothing was certain.

Hanita would not stop crying. Sehun tried to calm her down by making promises he was not sure if he would be able to keep.

“You will write to us every week, won’t you?” said his mother, holding his face in her hands, with tears in her eyes.

Sehun nodded. “Without fail.”

All of his sisters were crying. Even Ferhin’s eyes were glassy as she held Hanita in her arms.

“The Queen Regent will be expecting your arrival,” his mother said, holding out a sealed scroll. Accepting it, Sehun leaned forward to wrap his mother in an embrace. “Be safe.”

“I will, Mother,” he said and turned to his sisters. He gave the twins a tight hug before facing Kilah with a thin smile. “We will see each other. You may visit me, and I will come see you whenever I could.”

Kilah bowed her head and hugged him briefly before withdrawing to wipe her eyes before more tears could fall from them.

When he turned to Ferhin and Hanita, his heart broke. He held his arms out and tore his little sister from Ferhin.

Hugging his neck, Hanita sobbed uncontrollably. “Don’t go, _Bwother_ ,” she begged between her sobs.

“I will not be too far from you,” he told her and peppered her wet cheeks with several kisses before handing her back to Ferhin.

“Make the right choices, Brother,” was all that Ferhin told him.

Sehun took a look at his family one more time. His father was not present. Sehun was not surprised. The man probably had better things to do than bid his son farewell and a safe journey.

As he turned to the carriage that was awaiting him, he clenched his hands tightly. He did not know what his fate had in store for him hereafter. But he was determined to brave it with whatever courage that was instilled into him.

He did not want to make his father proud. But he did want to survive, and he did want to prove himself to the man he loved. If Alvar wanted this for him, then Sehun would gladly do it.

After all, his loyalty would always lie with Alvar Skyborn. He would do everything he could for them to be together. For Alvar to want him unconditionally.

As he climbed into the carriage, he waved his family goodbye and leaned back against the seat. He then closed his eyes and tried to calm his thundering heart as a drop of tear rolled down his cheek.

 

 

# C H A P T E R   T W O

 

 

 

The air was always warmer and drier in the capital. It had indeed been a while since he was last here. The absence of the smell of the sea already made him homesick. He had only been to the City of Skairon with his family. This would be his first time here in this grand and big city on his own. And that left his nerves on edge.

He peered out of the window of the carriage as it rocked into the city that was bustling with thick throngs of people. It was as he remembered it. Busy, loud, crowded, discordant and endless. The three-day ride had worn him out. His back was sore, and he had had managed to catch very few winks when the roads were smooth.

The heat of the afternoon licked at his neck as a bead of sweat trickled down it. He could not wait to get out of the carriage and stretch his back. Then, he would appreciate a cold bath to scrub all the muck and dust his skin and hair had collected from the roads. But first, he would have to make his way to the palace.

He glanced out the window again when he heard the hucksters clamouring by their stalls on the streets. Everywhere he looked, he saw men, women and children scurrying about. Doors were opened and shut every second. The buildings here were considerably larger than those in Novalon.

The people of Skairon were also different to the people of Novalon. The Skair men were bigger than Novalis. Their women were not as pretty as the women of Novalon. The Skairs looked like uncouth barbarians for the most part, in spite of living in the capital. Their manners did not agree with those of a Novali. They were too loud, too rude, too crass and certainly, too uninhibited. It made sense, though. In order to make it in the cutthroat city, they would have to be tough.

Their skins were darker as they have toiled under the sun days on end. Most of the men sported a beard, and the women wore kirtles with holes. Whenever Sehun visited the capital, he steered clear of the commoners. Not because he held prejudice against them. But they certainly held plenty of bigotry for the noble. Especially those from a pretentious city like Novalon.

The men of Skairon, in particular, always regarded Sehun with some aversion. It was not every day that they saw a boy embellished in silks and gems and smelled like roses.

As daunting as it all was, he told himself that he was still noble and had the favour of a Prince. He wished Alvar had extended his stay a little longer. There were so many words left unsaid. Sehun knew the body of the man all too well, but he had yet to learn the heart.

The searing midday sun parched his throat. He reached for the waterskin on the floor of the carriage and drained it. The warm droplets of water did little to quench his thirst.

When he perked his head out the window again, he could already spy the great palace, its towers standing tall and formidable, its walls manned with guards. Flags that bore the Skyborn sigil adorned the gates and the bailey.

Skairon was not a city as enchanting as Novalon. However, it had its own charm. The ceaseless and sleepless city made his heart beat faster and his blood pump.

This would be his home for the next few moons, he realized. None of his stays here previously lasted longer than a week. He had stepped into the city without a solid promise, and that was terrifying. There was no certainty as to what would become of him in this city.

* * *

As he awaited the Queen Regent’s arrival in the throne room, he restlessly chewed on the inside of his cheek and neatened the front of his overcoat. It was noticeably creased, and he hated it. He was in no shape to be in the Queen Regent’s presence.

The seneschal in the corner of the room eyed him funnily, and so had the guards at the entrance when they welcomed him.

He bit his tongue and kept his head low.

“Announcing the arrival of Her Majesty, Queen Reyinza Silverborn,” the seneschal called out after a moment, and Sehun spun around to look at the Queen Regent, who gracefully walked into the throne chamber.

He bowed at once, holding his breath. It was not the first time he was presenting himself to the Queen. But it was the first time he did not have one of his parents introducing him to Her Majesty.

“Your Grace,” he rasped as she stopped before him.

“Welcome, Lord Sehun Avniel of Novalon,” she said. The title had never hit his ears right. He could never get used to it either because no one back home ever treated him like a ‘lord’.

Sehun raised his head and met the Queen Regent’s slim smile. “It is an honour to be Your Majesty’s home again. I give you my apologies for not being presentable enough. The days on the road have been unsparingly warm.”

“No apology necessary,” said the Queen. “I heard from Lord Avniel that you wish to offer your service and allegiance to my son, who will soon be crowned as King of Slavaria.”

It had not been Sehun’s wish, but he nodded his head, anyway. “Yes, Your Excellency.” He held the scroll out to her advisor, who was standing by her side along with the personal guards and her abigail.

“It is always honourable and wonderful when another noble lay down his comfort to show his gratitude to the monarch,” said the Queen Regent. “It is unmatched allegiance. The royal family will not forget your house’s generous largesse.” She then turned to her advisor. “See to it that this young lord is well-accommodated.”

“Yes, Your Grace,” said her advisor.

She looked at Sehun again with a smile. “And I hope to see you at dinner tonight. It will be our thanks to you and your father, who has been gracing our tables with rich and good wine for many years.”

Sehun bowed his head again as she turned around and ambled out of the throne room, leaving her advisor behind. It must be difficult, to smile the way she did, when she had just lost her husband. But he supposed it was the duty of a Queen to offer solace in the face of adversity.

“The seal of the eldest Prince,” commented the advisor as he broke the seal and unrolled the scroll. Sehun looked at the old man, blinking. “Ah. You are to be given your own quarters within the palace.”

Sehun kept mum as the advisor condescendingly read through the contents of the scroll.

“Come with me,” the old man then said once he was done perusing the scroll. Sucking in a deep breath, Sehun followed the man out of the throne room. “Do you know my name?”

He had definitely heard it before, but he was not sure if he remembered it.

Noticing his silence, the man said, “My name is Halwert.”

“Ah, yes. I remember now,” Sehun muttered as they sauntered along a hallway. “My name is Sehun.”

“I know,” said the Queen’s Advisor. “If you came here expecting kind treatment, you are better off running back to your delicate city.”

Sehun winced.

“You are to join the King’s Guard, is that why you’re here?” Halwert then inquired.

“Y-Yes,” Sehun let out.

“Why not jump off a cliff? Is that not an easier death?”

Sehun halted in his tracks, frowning. “I’m sorry.”

Halwert stopped and stared at Sehun for a moment, mustering him from head to feet. “I hope you know what you are doing.” With that, he turned around again and led Sehun through the hallway until they reached an outside corridor. “But do not worry. You are not the only noble’s son with a weak wrist who wants to serve the new King. There are many more who have come to kiss the Crown Prince’s foot without knowing a single thing about combat and servitude.”

That did not ease Sehun’s worry.

“If you are to serve the monarch, you must forget all about where you come from. Here, you are not a noble. You are a servant.”

Sehun felt his heart pound then.

Halwert paused and faced Sehun again. “You will be given a room to stay in the palace, as per Prince Alvar’s request. But you will report to the barracks and the Captain of the King’s Guard. You will not report to the Queen Regent or the Crown Prince. You will sleep in the palace, but you belong with the palace guards. And they will not treat you as a lord. Am I understood?”

Sehun nodded his head shakily. “When do I… start?”

“Whenever the Captain tells you to start,” said Halwert, turning on his heel. Sehun hurried after him, glancing at the courtyard they walked past. When would he get to meet the Crown Prince, he wondered. The last time he had seen the Prince felt like an eternity ago.

They stopped when they reached a room in the corridor. It looked like a servant’s shelter. Sehun’s stomach clenched as Halwert pushed the door open.

It was dark and small with a bed and a trunk.

“The Queen has summoned you to dinner,” said the advisor. “You will make an appearance. Later, I expect you to head over to the barracks and bring me an approval letter from the King’s Guard.”

Sehun swallowed hard and bit back on the sob that climbed up in his throat. Whenever he was here with the rest of his family, he had only received respect and kindness. Never in his life had he ever been treated with such condescension. He already wanted to go home.

“Is there anything else you wish to know?” asked Halwert.

Sehun licked his lips before saying, “If I do not qualify to be in the King’s Guard, what happens then?”

The Queen’s Advisor scoffed. “ _If_ …?” He shook his head. “My Lord, you will be sent home. Unless you find another to be useful to the monarch here.”

With that, he left Sehun alone.

Walking into the room, Sehun glanced around it. It had a small bathing corner and a garderobe of its own, so he was grateful for them. He did not think he could share a bathing chamber with the Skairs.

The pallet on the wooden bedframe looked thin and probably was. Sehun did not think that he had lain on anything but soft, feather mattresses since the day he was born. He was not sure how lying on a straw pallet would feel like, but it would not be a pleasant thing, he was sure.

Exiting the room, he wandered along the corridor again, looking for a way to get to the bailey where his carriage still awaited him with his belongings.

He kept his head low as he crossed the courtyard when he saw a couple of palace guards sneering at him. He hoped that, eventually, he would stop feeling like a fish out of water.

The palace was different when it was not roaring with celebrations. It was less crowded for one and quieter. He found a well on his way, realizing that if he needed water from now on, he would have to fetch it himself.

A group of servant girls giggled as they walked past him. They curtly bowed their heads at him.

Sehun hugged his arms around his body self-consciously. He was too pale, too skinny, too small to be in Skairon. Everyone looked at him like he was a sore thumb sticking out.

At least his father was not here to frown at him in disappointment like he used to everywhere they went together.

He was bound to get lost a few times in this palace, he was certain of it. It was enormous with eight towers. His heart swelled when he realized that this was where Alvar was raised, trained and educated. He wished that, one day, he would be able to see the chambers the Prince grew up in. This was the home of the man he loved.

That somehow calmed him a little.

The carriage driver was waiting by the carriage, tapping a foot on the ground impatiently. He bowed his head when he saw Sehun approaching him.

The sun was burning Sehun’s skin. He wanted to hurry back into the shade forthwith to save his sizzling skin.

“Thank you for waiting,” he said and frowned at the three heavy trunks. He was not sure if he could even lift one of them. His mother and sisters had packed abundantly.

“Do you need help?” asked the carriage driver.

“Yes, I would appreciate some help,” Sehun sighed.

The carriage driver averted his gaze to the boy running across the bailey. “You there! Boy!” he called.

The boy, who must be in his late teenage years, halted abruptly to look at the carriage driver with an angry lour. “What?!” he yapped aggressively.

Sehun flinched. The boy looked and acted… strange.

“Come over here!” called the carriage driver.

With a pout, the boy started toward them. Though he looked young, he was almost as tall as Sehun. He was not dressed like a noble and was in rags, so Sehun assumed that he was a servant of some sort. He had a shock of messy black hair planted on his head and was all skin and bones. His green eyes stood out like gems.

“What?” the boy spat at the carriage driver, his hands balled into fists, as though he were about to fight the man for no reason.

Sehun grimaced at him.

Noticing Sehun’s discomforted expression, the boy’s jaw fell slack for a moment like he was met with a ghost before he started to furiously scowl at Sehun.

“Help us with these trunks,” said the carriage driver. “We’ll give you a coin.”

The boy turned back to the carriage driver and hissed. “Who are you?” Without waiting for an answer, he looked back to Sehun. “Your hair looks funny. What is that?” he asked, pointing at the medallion resting against Sehun’s chest.

Eyebrows knotted in worry, Sehun took a step back from the peculiar kid.

“That looks pretty,” the boy gasped and lunged at Sehun with a grubby hand reaching for the medallion.

Before he could touch it, Sehun’s hand flung up and struck the boy across the face.

Jerking to a standstill, the boy’s mouth fell open as he gasped, holding onto the side of his face that was just slapped.

Sehun scowled at him. “Stay away,” he warned the boy.

That was when the boy’s eyes began to well up with tears. Bursting into a sob, he spun around and sprinted away.

Huffing, Sehun wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Who is that?” he asked the carriage driver.

“I do not know, My Lord,” said the man, gaping at Sehun. “An odd lad, no doubt.”

“Well, let’s try and lug these to my room, shall we?” he sighed and picked up a trunk with both hands.

When they had finally managed to drag the trunks to his new room, Sehun picked out a couple of coins from his pouch and handed them to the carriage driver, even though his mother had already paid the man’s fare.

“Thank you, My Lord,” he said and began to walk away before he stopped in his pace, gawking over Sehun’s shoulder.

Sehun heard heavy footsteps that approached him from behind. Curious, he turned around to look at what had the carriage driver horrified.

Before he could register anything that was happening, his head was thrown to a side with a brutal blow that quaked his brain. All breath was knocked out of his lungs as the pain quickly spread over the side of his skull. It took him a moment to realize that he had just been hit in the face with a bare hand that wielded the strength of a beast.

He blinked a few times to clear his blurry vision and drew in some deep breaths to get some air. Then slowly, he raised his throbbing head to look up at the tall man standing before him with clenched fists and squared shoulders.

He had a broadsword hanging at a hip and was clad in a black shirt, tucked into his trousers, unlaced at the top to expose his haired, sweaty chest.

As Sehun’s gaze rose, it surveyed the man’s sharp jawlines that were covered by a thick layer of dark stubble. He eventually met a pair of green eyes that were speckled with brown.

Pressing a hand to his throbbing cheek, he stared at the taller, muscled man with an involuntary tear streaming down his face.

He looked familiar. Sehun had seen the man before.

Green eyes looked daggers down at him before they softened with something like surprise and guilt.

Sehun dropped his hand from his reddened face and looked to the eccentric boy he had hit earlier. He was hiding behind the tall man, smiling.

“Don’t you ever dare put your hand on him again,” said the man through his grit teeth.

Sehun blinked at him lazily, panting hard. And then as his head cleared, he recognized the brute. Aaden Ragnavor, Captain of the King’s Guard.

His first day here, and he was already in the man’s bad books. Perfect.

He saw the Captain release and clench the hand that had struck him as he turned around and stomped away with a protective arm wound around the boy.

Sehun’s heart galloped up to his throat, his eyes staring at the boy who stuck his tongue out at him.

* * *

He had not moved from his seat on the pallet for a long time. He refused to believe that this day could get any worse. He could not get those green, fierce eyes out of his head. How dare he hit a noble? How dare he…

Sehun planted his bruising face in his hands and broke into a quiet cry. To come to think of it, not once in his life had he ever been hit. His father had his way of hurting Sehun, but he had never physically harmed him.

But today, a man he was not even related to and had never had a single conversation had struck him across the face. As furious as he had looked initially, his expression had strangely shifted when he took a good look at Sehun.

Perhaps he had realized that Sehun was a highborn. Perhaps he realized that Sehun was not someone who could handle a blow that ruthless.

Sehun wanted to hurt him back, nonetheless. Nobody had ever inflicted such a pain on him in his life. It hurt his pride, too.

A lowborn bastard dared to insult him like that?

Sehun did not care if he were the goddamn Captain of the King’s Guard and the Commander of the army. He had hit a noble, and he would pay for it. Sehun was not sure how and when, but he would get even.

Wiping the tears from his face, he finally picked himself up from the bed and undressed himself. It took him longer than it usually did when he had servants assisting him. He cleaned himself with the water in the basin. His bruised cheek stung when he rubbed it with some lye soap.

He cried again, reliving the moment he was so embarrassingly struck down by a man. The worst part was that he did not think that he deserved it. His first day in Skairon, and he was already stepped on and humiliated.

How would he survive in this city?

Once he had dressed himself in a clean tunic, he made his way toward the feast hall. That he knew where to find.

He had half-heartedly left his room. The day could not get any stranger for him. He dawdled through the hallways with his stomach in knots. He hoped the rose powder had concealed some of the bruise on his cheek. Perhaps he could have worn a duller tunic without any embroideries, but he did not own one.

A guard who sauntered past him fixed him with a judgmental look. Sehun pursed his lips tightly and pressed a hand to his clenching belly. He tried not to blench every time someone looked in his way.

When he reached the feast hall, he was disappointed to find no one but the servants there. Letting out a nervous breath, Sehun walked over to the table the servants were setting and took a shy seat.

The servants gave him a look and a simper as they laid out the platters on the table.

After waiting for a long while, he finally heard voices. He rose to his feet and looked to the entrance through which a group of guards walked in before they took their position in the feast hall.

Sehun gulped when he saw Halwert and a few other noblemen enter the hall. Their gazes immediately darted to Sehun, who stood by the table awkwardly.

Halwert muttered something to the other men then. Their eyes widened as the corners of their lips quirked up into a funny smirk.

“Lord Sehun son of Avniel,” said Halwert as he approached the table. “will be joining us for dinner tonight. The Queen Regent requested it.”

“I hear that you are sent here as a largesse for the Crown Prince,” said a man Sehun did not recognize. As everyone took their seats at the table, Sehun slowly sank back into his own.

“Yes, I am,” he muttered.

“My own daughter is the new King’s prospective consort,” said the nobleman.

Sehun tried to smile, but his face hurt.

“You are the son of the famous winemaker in Novalon, are you not?” asked another nobleman.

Sehun bowed his head in agreement. “My father owns the Novali Winery,” he said.

“I know many highborn sons would be honoured to serve the new sovereign,” said another. “But you do not seem like a soldier.”

Sehun exhaled shakily.

“I am surprised that your father sent you and not one of your beautiful sisters,” said the first nobleman. “who I’m sure would have been a better—”

He was cut off when the seneschal announced the arrival of the Crown Prince of Slavaria.

Sehun shot up from his seat along with the others. He nervously glanced to the doors as the guards escorted a blond-haired, tall, broad-shouldered young man, dressed in embellished overcoat with a golden sword at his side.

His cleanshaven face was familiar and _beautiful_. It was not only familiar because Sehun had seen it before. But because it resembled a face that graced his dreams at night.

He saw Alvar’s sky blue eyes. His sharp nose and angular cheekbones. His golden hair that was slightly longer and swept neatly. His youthful comeliness staggered Sehun for a moment.

He was not at all what Sehun remembered him to look like. He had changed a lot in the last two years.

For one, he looked bigger and taller. He had also stepped into the cusp of adulthood.

“What are you all standing for?” he said in a cool tone as he casually sauntered into the feast hall and headed for his seat at the end of the table.

However, he came to a sudden halt as his eyes fell on Sehun. He looked confused for a moment, as though he could not believe his sight.

“Who are you?” he asked, pointing directly to Sehun.

Flustered, Sehun stared at the Crown Prince for a length while searching for his voice. He looked an awful lot like Alvar that it astounded and dumbfounded Sehun.

“I asked you a question,” he said, starting for his seat again. While everyone sat down too, Sehun stood still and cold like a statue in winter. As the servant pulled it out for him, he plumped into it and arched an eyebrow at Sehun. “What are you? A mute?”

Sehun cleared his throat. “N-No, Your Majesty. My name is… Sehun. My Father is Lord Avniel of Novalon.”

“Ah!” exclaimed Prince Fredegar with a snort. “Yes, I remember him. All our best wines come from him. They help my mother sleep at night.”

“Pardon me, Your Grace,” interrupted Halwert. “He is sent here as a gift of allegiance from the Avniel house.”

“Oh, good. Another one. The palace is getting crowded by the day,” said the Prince disinterestedly as he picked up his winecup. The servant promptly decanted some wine into it. “Don’t I already have plenty of prospects for consorts?”

Sehun’s face burned in embarrassment. He was wrong when he thought earlier that the day could not get any worse. There was something about the way Prince Fredegar looked at him and regarded him. His nonchalance was spiced with a hint of affront.

The more Sehun looked at him, the more he was reminded of Alvar and the more he could not speak or breathe.

Swirling the wine in his cup, Prince Fredegar cocked his head to the side and studied Sehun thoroughly. “Unless you are here to serve me in some other way,” he said.

“He is here to try out for the King’s Guard, Your Majesty,” said Halwert.

Prince Fredegar broke into a booming laughter. “You have got to be joking,” he sniggered and took a sip of his wine. “Is that what you’re here for? I admire your confidence, Lord Sehun.”

Sehun pathetically nodded his head and kept it hanged. “I am sorry if you do not deem me worthy, Your Grace,” he muttered quietly.

The Crown Prince fell silent then, the humour wilting from his face as he stared at Sehun unblinkingly for a while. Exhaling a heavy breath, he looked away and drank more wine.

“You may sit down,” he told Sehun.

Taking his seat, Sehun glimpsed Prince Fredegar once more. It felt strange to be dining at the same table as his lover’s brother. Before this, even though Sehun’s family was familiar with the royal family, he had never had a full conversation with one of Alvar’s family members. He supposed Fredegar was the only family Alvar had left.

_Fredegar is not your King…_

Alvar’s words rang in his head in that moment.

They were brothers by blood. Alvar was the firstborn. He had won the late King countless victories from the day he learned how to grip a sword. The people knew Alvar. They respected him and trusted him. So did Sehun. Immensely.

The future King he was faced with at the very instant was still a boy. He carefree, smug boy, who did not look like he took any of this seriously, who adamantly refused to be a man. And he certainly did not possess the essence of a King.

But his sister had not been wrong. Prince Fredegar might just be the most handsome in the country. Even looking at him made Sehun blush.

“Must we really wait for my mother?” the Prince groused at length once he had grown out of patience. “I am famished, and the food is getting cold.”

“Your Grace, we ought to not to disrespect Her Majesty, the Queen Regent, who has invited the young lord to sup with her tonight,” said Halwert.

Prince Fredegar huffed exasperatedly and knocked back another cup of wine before he fixed his gaze on Sehun. The longer he stared, the hotter Sehun’s face grew.

“What happened to your cheek, Lord Sehun?” he inquired with more curiosity than concern.

Sehun unconsciously touched his bruised cheek then. He was not very good at lying. The only times he ever lied had been for Alvar. He would do anything for Alvar.

He should inform the Prince of the Captain’s misbehaviour. He should demand that the man be punished for assaulting a son of noble birth.

“I… fell, Your Majesty,” he ended up saying instead. He knew what he _should_ have said. So, he did not know why he didn’t. Perhaps it was because he had never tattled on anyone in his life. He never complained. Well, he did not really have anything to complain about, even though he grew up with five sisters.

“You fell,” scoffed Prince Fredegar. “Well, you would make a _fine_ addition to the King’s Guard.”

Sehun sighed in dismay at the Prince’s mockery. He supposed he ought to get used to the Skairs walking all over him if he were to stay here for quite some time.

When the Queen Regent finally joined them with her guards and abigail, she looked at her son disapprovingly.

“Egar, you mustn’t drink so much,” she chided him gently as she took her seat on the other end of the table.

Putting the winecup down, Prince Fredegar let out a loud breath and leaned back in his seat.

“Lord Sehun,” called the Queen Regent. Sehun lowered his head to her at once.

“Yes, Your Majesty,” he said in a steady voice. She was beautiful for her age. She was a lot younger than her late husband. Before King Skyborn married her, the people believed that Prince Alvar would be the heir to succeed him. But his Queen had given birth to a beautiful baby boy, head full of gold hair and two blue gems for eyes. The King had named his new son the Crown Prince.

Sehun wondered if that ever dejected Alvar. It must have. Even though the man had not explicitly stated it, during the nights they had spent together, he had heard stories of how Alvar was mistreated by his father, who snatched everything he was promised away and gave it to his half-brother.

“Once again, we are honoured to receive your service,” the Queen Regent told him.

Prince Fredegar did not seem so honoured. He did seem amused, however. He would not stop staring at Sehun like he wanted to pull Sehun apart and inspect him inch by inch until he found something extraordinary.

“I am the one who is honoured to pledge my house’s allegiance to the new King,” Sehun said as diplomatically as he could. He was taught how to speak with composure in the midst of royalty. Even though he did not mean what he said, he said it convincingly.

It was then when Prince Fredegar began to guffaw. All eyes turned to him, most of them seemed unsurprised by his sudden reaction.

“Egar,” his mother called with a sigh.

“I’m sorry, Mother,” snorted the Prince. “I just… pictured our beloved Aaden’s face when he finds out that this pretty little flower wants to join his fearsome battalion.”

Sehun knew that the Prince meant that as an insult. But he blushed at ‘pretty little flower’ nonetheless. Alvar told him that he was as beautiful as a flower once. He also said that Sehun was the pearl of Novalon. Perhaps the reason he had so easily fallen in love with the man, disregarding the fact that he had been infatuated with the Prince since he was a child, was all the sweet, honeyed words Alvar had purred into his ear on their first night together.

The Queen Regent did not seem to be affected by her son’s quip. She glanced to Sehun with a stoic expression. “I hope you will introduce yourself to the King’s Guard at the barracks tomorrow,” she told Sehun. “You need not worry, Lord Sehun. Especially since you come with the good word of Prince Alvar.”

“What?” said Prince Fredegar then. “He came on Brother’s goodwill?” He looked at Sehun again. “You know my Brother well?”

Sehun swallowed before speaking. “A little, Your Grace. He is a good friend of my father.”

The Crown Prince looked sceptical. “So, what good word did my brother put in for you?”

Halwert spoke next. “He has requested that the young lord be given a place to stay within the palace.”

“Hmm,” hummed the Prince. “If my brother is vouching for him, then make sure that his stay in the palace is met with comfort.”

“I can manage, Your Majesty,” Sehun interjected. The last thing he needed right now was for both Princes giving him special treatment. He knew it would not bode well for him with the others. “Thank you, but I am here to _serve_ you, My Liege. I cannot expect comfort and repose.”

Prince Fredegar gave him a look that could have meant a million different things. In the end, he sighed and nodded. “Suit yourself.”

When the dinner finally came to an end, Sehun wended his way back to his new room, where he lit a candle to fight the eerie darkness. He then sat down to quill his family in Novalon a letter saying that he had reached the capital safely.

Then for the rest of the night, he tried to fall asleep. In spite of being completely worn out, sleep did not come easy to him that night as he reminisced Prince Alvar’s brief stay in Novalon. He hoped that he would get to see the man again soon. And when he did, he would tell Alvar that he deserved to be King. Not Fredegar, who was still wet behind the ears.

* * *

He woke early the next morning, even though he had not managed to catch much sleep. Noticing that the basin was empty, he wandered out of his room at dawn to fetch a pail of water from the well. It was not the hardest chore he had done, but he had never had to heave water out of a well before. He did not think it would be this hard.

As he fumbled with the rope, struggling to pull up the pail, a pair of strong hands caught the rope before it could slip from Sehun’s grip.

In the gentle dark of daybreak, Sehun squinted at the man who smelled like cold water and lye soap. His heart began to race as his eyes fell on the shirtless body that was chiselled to perfection. The firm and solid muscles of his body bore some scars that ran a chill down Sehun’s spine.

“Careful,” he heard the familiar voice say before he looked up at the Captain’s face.

He was not sure if it were anger or fear that shot to his head then. But he released the rope.

Grunting, the Captain tightened his grip around the rope and scowled at Sehun. His damp hair fell over his glaring green eyes. Sehun’s gaze dropped to the man’s prominent and well-defined waistlines that were bared by the trousers that sagged at his hips. Sehun’s eyes unheedingly strayed to the trail of hairs below the man’s navel before it disappeared past the waistband of the loosely laced up trousers.

He coughed lightly and averted his gaze, louring while the Captain drew the pail of water up the well. Then grabbing the full pail, he settled it on the ground and faced Sehun again with a scowl.

This was Sehun’s chance. He should slap the man back. Give as hard as he got. He could not get his hands to cooperate, however.

When he glanced at the Captain again, he found the man to be staring at one of his cheeks. Then pining Sehun with a cocky look, he turned around and walked away. Rivulets of water were still trickling down his muscled back.

Maybe Sehun could throw a stone at his head when he was not looking. Play the coward’s game.

Bastard. He did not even apologize for what he had done to Sehun. Either he was betting on Sehun not doing anything about it or he was completely fearless.

Picking up the pail, Sehun started toward his room.

* * *

He went looking for the barracks when the sun had come up. He was nervous. He looked down at the shirt he was clad in. It was embroidered in red and green. It was the simplest article of clothing he owned apart from his undershirts. He had even forsworn his jewellery, except for the belly chain around his waist.

The bruise on his face had faded a little. He was glad for that. But his embarrassment had not waned.

He found the stables. It was ten times larger than the stables back home. His heart beat hard as he stopped before them, wanting to go in there and pet some horses.

Even the morning sun was blistering hot. He rolled the sleeves of his shirt up and continued looking for the barracks.

“Hey, you there,” he heard a female voice call out to him.

Halting, Sehun turned and blinked at the woman who was seated on the balustrade with a whetstone in one hand and a sword in the other. She was staring at him with narrowed eyes.

She was clearly a woman, but she certainly was not dressed like one. Sehun could not believe his eyes. He had never seen a woman dressed so… obscene.

She was clad in leathers and rags, her toned arms exposed. She was also wearing a pair of trousers. Though her lips were rosy and red, the rest of her skin looked hardened and rough. Her long, dark hair was braided with a few shorter stray strands falling over her face. For a moment, Sehun considered the idea that she might be a man. But she had breasts and no bulge at the front of her pants.

He looked away, realizing that he was leering at her rudely. Putting the whetstone away, the woman sheathed her sword and rose from the balustrade. As she started toward Sehun, he felt his heartbeat quicken.

“What’s a pretty lad like you doing out here instead of cosying up in the palace beds by the hearth?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Though she looked like a woman, she did not act like one. There was a certain crassness in her tone and a masculine ruggedness in her strides and speech. Sehun was confused.

Then he realized that this was probably how confused other people might be when they looked at him.

He cleared his throat before speaking. “I’m… looking for the barracks,” he said, trying not to show his curiosity and bewilderment in his grimace. The last thing he wanted was to make someone else uncomfortable the same way everyone had been making him whenever they regarded him like a puzzle they wanted to solve or just a strange, peculiar thing.

“The barracks?” echoed the woman. She could not be much older than Sehun himself.

“Yes.” He rubbed the back of his neck that was starting to sweat.

“Well, you’re heading the wrong way,” she said and nudged her head to her right before she started walking in that direction.

Sehun hesitated for a brief length and followed her.

“Why are you looking for the barracks?” she inquired casually.

“I was told to bring the Queen’s Advisor a letter of approval from the King’s Guard,” he said.

The woman halted in her tracks to pin him with a disbelieving look. He almost thought that she was about to spew an insult at his head.

Instead, she arched an eyebrow and asked, “Where are you from? Certainly, not from the south, judging by your pearlescent skin and teeth.”

Sehun took that as a compliment. “I am from Novalon.”

“Huh! I knew it,” she scoffed and proceeded toward the barracks. Sehun hurried to keep up with her long strides.

She was also at least a foot taller than him and had wider shoulders than he did. All that aside, she had a pretty face. Her olive skin matched the colour of her hair.

“You must be an idiot,” then came the insult.

Sehun blinked at her. “Why?” he asked softly.

Snorting, she rolled her eyes. “You are a nobleman’s son from Novalon. Why would you ever leave that paradise?”

Sehun frowned, looking down. “It was not much of a paradise for me,” he muttered. “My father… made me leave it, in any case.”

She fixed him with a sidelong glance then. “Ah. Then perhaps you and I have more in common than I thought.”

“What?”

“My father also made me leave my home,” she said with a sigh. Sehun noticed the way her hand tightened around the hilt of her sword. “Except that I am no noble like you.”

Sehun eyed her from head to toe. “Why are you… here, then?”

“Same reason as you,” she said and stopped to meet Sehun’s gaze. “I had no other choice.”

Nodding his head slowly, he went after her again. “I have never seen a woman… with a sword before,” he admitted.

“I have never seen a man with hands like yours,” she replied.

Sehun looked down at his dainty, slender fingers and then glanced at hers. He did not take offence. He did not want to have hands like hers. Rough and callused.

“Do you… live here?” he then asked. “Are you a servant?”

“Do I look like a servant?”

Sehun rubbed his arm with a hand. “Well… no.”

“They call me Skullmane,” she said.

“Who’s… they?”

She did not answer as she picked up the pace of her strides. She walked like a man, too. She had a sword. She might be a palace guard, but she was not dressed in uniform. Besides, there were no female guards.

Skullmane… That could not be an actual name, could it? It certainly did not sound like a name one would give to a person, let alone a woman.

“Is that your name?” he asked.

Once again, she did not answer. He glanced back at the palace that was behind them now. And ahead, he spied a building, detached from the rest of the palace. Its doors were unmanned.

“What do you need an approval letter for?” she asked.

“I do not know,” he muttered. “Halwert demanded that I bring him one.”

As the reached the building, she pushed the doors open and ushered Sehun inside.

He paused for a moment as the strong whiff of dirty socks, unwashed trousers, smelly boots, open bottles of cheap ale and a few other foul stenches struck his senses.

“Oh, my,” he let out, gasping for air. How could anyone live in an effluvium like this?

Oh, right. Men. Skair men, in particular.

He heard a cacophony of voices, clamouring and crying on top of one another.

“Welcome to the barracks of the King’s Guard and the palace guards,” said Skullmane from behind, not sounding one bit distressed by the dank air.

“God,” Sehun murmured and waited for the woman to lead the way again.

“What did you say your name was again?” she asked as she strode forward.

“I did not.” He sighed. “My name is Sehun.”

“Such a pretty name for a pretty boy.” She did not sound sincere with that compliment.

Walking down the hallway, he stayed close to her as the voices grew louder. Amidst the stench, he could smell freshly baked bread, too.

“Skullmane!” someone cried all of a sudden before he heard a roaring laughter as they walked into a vast hall that was filled with tables and benches. It was thronging with men who were clad in uniforms. However, some were sporting a commoner’s attire, like a tunic and a pair of breeches. They also did not look much like a guard.

Sehun whimpered and stopped, shuddering at the beastlike guards, who were slamming their tankards on the table, guffawing thunderously while the ale spilled from their mouths and soaked their beards.

Barbarians.

“Where were you?!” said the man, who lurched towards Skullmane. “We were waiting on you!”

She drew a dagger from nowhere and held it to the man’s throat with a smile clinging to the corners of her lips. “A little too drunk a little too early in the morning, don’t you think, Ragepelt?”

Ragepelt?

What kind of names were these…

Without replying to her question, _Ragepelt_ took a step back and stuck his nose up to sniff the air around him. He looked more like an animal now.

Then scratching his thick, brown beard, he said, “What’s that smell?” He perked his head and looked to Sehun over Skullmane’s shoulder. His eyes widened.

The other men in the hall quieted down as all of their heads turned toward Sehun.

“My, my, my,” said a bald guard as he rose from the bench. “Who have you brought here with you?”

“He’s from Novalon,” said Skullmane. “A noble. So, I suggest you keep your ale-slicked fat fingers off this one.”

“That’s a boy?” said Ragepelt. He leaned over to the bald man and whispered, “That’s a boy, eh, Steelshout?”

“Looks like it,” said Steelshout. “Has no breasts. Perhaps has a cunt.”

“We shall find out,” chuckled Ragepelt. “I’ve always wanted to fuck a red cunt.” He smirked at Sehun’s red hair.

Skullmane rolled her eyes and raised her dagger again. “Get near him and the only red cunt we’ll be fucking today is your bleeding hole.”

“Please, don’t cut anyone,” Sehun whispered to Skullmane, raising a hand to hold her arm.

Ragepelt burst into a laughter. “Oh, we’re just messing with ya. Come! Join us for some ale and bread, laddie.”

Skullmane looked back at him as she stuffed the dagger back into a boot. She then took a seat between the men at a table and made some room for Sehun to join.

Sehun almost turned around and left. But he had a job to do. So, he took a shy seat between Skullmane and Ragepelt. For a long moment, there was no sound, as everyone gathered around him and gawked at him stupidly.

He had never felt more uncomfortable in his life.

Then Ragepelt bellowed out a laugh that had everyone laughing, too. Everyone but Skullmane who only shook her head.

Sehun could not tell if these men were drunk or just mad.

“Ale?” Ragepelt then offered him.

“Oh, no, thank you,” he rasped.

“You will have some!” spat the man as he filled a tankard to the brim.

Sehun did not like ale. He never had. It always left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“What? You don’t drink?” asked another guard. He had a tattoo on his forehead that spelled _Asscrusher_. Sehun shivered.

“Only wine,” he muttered.

They laughed once more. “Wine?!” yapped Ragepelt. “That’s the drink of women and little fillies. Ale is the drink of men!”

“What brings you here?” asked Steelshout.

Sehun blushed at all the men staring at him with unblinking eyes. He had never been in a room with so many men at once. “I have come to see the King’s Guard.”

“Well, you’re looking at it,” said Ragepelt.

“Oh…” Sehun glanced at the men gathered around him. He knew this wasn’t all of them. Some must be on their duty right now. He really hoped the King’s Guard was not only made of savages like them.

“He wants an approval letter,” said Skullmane as she tore a piece from the bread.

“What sort of an approval letter?” asked Steelshout, rubbing his bald head.

Sehun let out a shaky breath before saying, “I wish to join the King’s Guard. I want to start my training.”

That moment, a brutal silence descended upon the hall like a wet blanket. All eyes were blinking at him in disbelief, mouths hanging open.

Sehun lowered his head.

“He’s not joking,” he heard someone whisper in the crowd.

Then he saw a young man stand up. Unlike the others, he did not look surprised. His bushy eyebrows were drawn into a scowl. His frame was too small to be considered a Skair. He certainly could not be from around here.

And if Sehun’s judgment was right, the man must be of noble birth, too.

“So, they are just letting anybody in here now?” spat the man. “What qualification do _you_ have to try out for the King’s Guard?”

Sehun swallowed hard and kept mum because he did not have an answer. He had absolutely no qualification.

“That’s what I thought,” scoffed the man. “Run back to where you came from, you little cocksucker.” With that, he stormed out of the hall.

“You must forgive Golddust over there,” said Steelshout. “We were rough to him when he joined us. Bit of a conceited little bitch that one.”

“Well, I would be too if I had a daddy that crapped gold,” remarked some other guard.

“What’s your name, boy?” asked Asscrusher.

Licking his lips, he said, “Sehun.”

“Well, you’re Honeypearl now!” announced Ragepelt. “Tell me, Honeypearl. Why do you want to join the King’s Guard?”

Sehun exhaled heavily. “I must… offer my house’s allegiance to our new King.”

“So, you’re one of those sacrificial goats,” pointed out Skullmane. “Do you not have any beautiful sisters that would be of more use to the new King?”

Even though Sehun knew that he should not be comfortable with the way they spoke, it did not seem like they said those things to hurt him. They were just being their crude selves.

“I have five sisters,” he said and dropped his gaze, frowning sadly. He was already missing them. Especially, Hanita. He hoped that she did not miss him too much that she could not stop crying. He wished he would get to see all of them again soon.

“He looks sad,” he heard Asscrusher whisper to Ragepelt.

“Boy,” sighed Ragepelt then, throwing a heavy arm over Sehun’s shoulders that almost crushed them. Sehun winced in discomfort. “I believe the man you want to see for your letter of approval is Strongstare.”

“Strongstare?” repeated Sehun.

“The Cap’n,” said Skullmane as she drained a tankard of ale. God, Sehun had never seen a woman knock back a drink like her.

“C-Captain… Aaden Ragnavor?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yeah. He is the guy you want to see,” said Ragepelt. Sehun clenched his jaw.

“Does it… have to be him?” he asked diffidently.

Skullmane cocked a curious brow at him. “Wow, your face can pull like a sour puss,” she commented. Sehun sighed. “You will find him in the Captain’s Hovel behind the training arena behind the barracks.”

Sehun gnawed at his lower lip worriedly. When he raised his head, he found the men to be gawking at him again with open mouths, their eyes staring at Sehun’s lip that was curled between his teeth.

Letting it go, Sehun bowed his head. “Thank you,” he muttered. “I ought to go… look for him now.”

As he rose from the bench, Ragepelt jolted up to his feet, too. “Let me show you the way, Honeypearl,” he said.

“Ragepelt,” huffed Skullmane.

“Don’t you worry,” said the man. “I put my hands only on pretty things that have a pretty twat between their legs.”

Sehun was a little reluctant to follow Ragepelt through the barracks. The man was huge and burly. His dark, curly hair was an uncombed muss, and he reeked of ale.

“He’s a bit of a loner,” said Ragepelt as he dawdled in front of Sehun. “You met him?”

Sehun relived the slap in that moment and recoiled unconsciously, raising a hand to touch the faint bruise on his cheekbone. It did not hurt as much as anymore.

“I have… seen him several times.” Standing close to the late King with one hand fisted at a side and the other resting on the hilt of his broadsword. Sehun had not really noticed anything else about him.

“Then you would not know he’s not a fan of spoken words,” said Ragepelt. “So, I would advise you to keep it short and quick.”

“He must be an impatient man.”

“Oh, not at all,” said the guard. “In fact, he is the most patient man I know. When I first joined the King’s Guard, no one thought I had a prayer. I was a street rat. In just two years, that man transformed me into what I am today.”

A vulgar, indecent, oafish boor?

“Sad he can’t find anyone, right?” Ragepelt sighed.

Sehun did not understand what that meant. He also did not care. Whatever praises he had had heard about the Captain and was about to hear, he refused to believe them.

“Don’t think that bothers him, though. I don’t know how he has not gone mad without fucking a woman in years.”

Sehun wished the man would stop talking about the Captain. “He can’t reject me yet, can he?” he asked innocently.

“Of course, he can,” said Ragepelt. Sehun’s heart sank. “He has a knack for these things. Has a sharp eye for particularly the good ones. I would follow the man into a dozen wars.”

How good could he be, Sehun wondered. Must be at least as good as Alvar if the late King had dismissed his own son to appoint Aaden Ragnavor as the Commander of his army.

As they walked through the training arena, Sehun glanced at the few men sparring each other. They looked young. He wondered if they were also new recruits. Some of them stopped to glower in Sehun’s way when they spotted him.

“Do you… think he would reject me?” he asked Ragepelt. Even if the Captain would not dismiss him for his lack of experience and skills, he certainly had enough reason to not be in Sehun’s favour.

As he had so _eloquently_ expressed yesterday with a hand to Sehun’s face.

Ragepelt stopped to take a good look at Sehun out in the sunlight. With a raised brow, he scratched his beard and leaned in so close that Sehun could smell the ale in his breath.

“Are you sure you’re a lad?” he asked Sehun in a whisper.

Sehun flinched back and grunted softly at the man, frowning. Ragepelt blinked and ran a hand through his hair.

“So pretty is all I’m sayin’,” he said and pointed ahead at the hovel on the other side of the training arena.

It was small. It was not where he had pictured a Captain of the King’s Guard would reside.

“It’s right over there. Come on,” he said and led Sehun forward. “To answer your question, Honeypearl, I don’t think he would reject you without giving you a chance to prove yourself first. That is the kind of righteous man he is. Sometimes, that drives us crazy.”

“Righteous?” Sehun muttered.

When they reached the hovel, Sehun waited while Ragepelt rapped a fist on the door. It opened almost immediately.

Sehun reflexively jerked back with his heart skipping a nervous beat. His head craned up to look at the man clad in uniform. His black overcoat, that was hugging his broad shoulders, laced all the way up to the collar that was tight around his neck, was decked with fine chains of silver. The pads on his shoulders were embellished with ornate silver pins. He looked like a Prince in his own league.

His green eyes instantly fell on Sehun. His brows furrowed at once, jaw locked, lips pressed into a thin, mean line.

“Captain,” Ragepelt rasped. Sehun was surprised to realize that the Captain was taller than Ragepelt. “We have someone who wanted to see you.”

The Captain stepped out of the hovel and slammed the door shut behind him. He then stood still with his arms crossed over his chest. He stared at Ragepelt for a moment before he turned to glare at Sehun.

He finally understood why the man’s nickname was Strongstare among the guards in the barracks.

As much as Sehun wanted to glare back at him, those green eyes made it impossible to look at them with any hint of courage. He found himself lowering his head as he recalled the blow he had received on the face yesterday.

When he looked up at the man again, he found the Captain to be staring at a side of his face. Then gripping his jaw, he averted his gaze.

“What is it?” he asked in the gruffest voice. The veins in the back of his hands protruded when he clutched at the biceps of his arms.

“Honeypearl here is looking for a letter of approval,” said Ragepelt, throwing an arm over Sehun’s shoulders. Sehun tried not to stagger in his steps.

“Why?” The single-worded question cut through Sehun’s skin like a knife. Mostly because the Captain was looking at him again.

“Uh… Laddie wants to try out for the King’s Guard, I suppose,” answered Ragepelt. “He’s here as the new King’s largesse.”

That was when the tall bastard turned to Sehun and took a step toward him. Sehun almost retreated. With a lockjaw, Captain Aaden cocked his eyebrow at him.

“Don’t you speak for yourself?” the man spat through his teeth, although his tone sounded calm. Sehun looked up at him with burning cheeks. “Do you have a stone in your mouth?”

Sehun scowled at the man then. With a deep breath, he opened his mouth and said, “I… I need your approval to join the training. The Queen’s Advisor demands that I bring him your approval.”

Unfolding his arms, the Captain carded his fingers through his black hair. He had the most lustrous, beautiful hair Sehun had seen on a man. He wore it nicely, too. His stubble looked slightly thicker than it was yesterday. When Sehun looked into his eyes again, he noticed that the man had long, dark eyelashes.

He was still a brute, nonetheless.

“What’s your name?” he Captain demanded a moment later.

Choking on his words, Sehun stuttered his name out. “Sehun… Captain.”

“Son of?”

“Avniel.”

“Sehun, son of Avniel, do you have a referral from either the Prince or the Queen Regent?”

“Uh… No,” he muttered embarrassedly.

“Then go and get one first. I do not know you. I, thus, cannot vouch for you.” With that, he shoved past Sehun, a hand casually resting on the pommel of his sword that was shaped like the head of a lion.

Sehun closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. “What a pretentious attack dog,” he spat under his breath. Ragepelt’s eyes bulged out as his lips stretched into an amused grin. It was then when Sehun realized that he had not exactly used his inside voice to comment.

His heart began to punch into his chest as he turned his head halfway around to look at the Captain, who had come to a standstill and was pinning Sehun with the blackest look.

Sehun’s breath died. He prepared himself for a second blow from the man. He had clearly heard Sehun’s pithy comment.

Ragepelt started cackling beside him. “Honeypearl just called you an attack dog, Captain!”

Sehun gasped and looked at Ragepelt in horror. “No, I didn’t. Why would you say such a thing?!” he hissed at the man before glancing back to the Captain, who was still louring at him menacingly. “I…”

Much to his surprise, the Captain strode away without any retaliation. He noticed how the man clenched and released his hands again. That was a strange behaviour, Sehun thought.

When the man was out of earshot, he finally breathed again.

“Wow, you almost shit your pants,” remarked Ragepelt. “Does Strongstare scare you that much?”

Sehun did not think that he was _scared_ of him. Well, was he…? Perhaps he was.

“Thank you… Ragepelt,” he muttered with a sigh. “I ought to get back for that referral now.”

“Hope to see you back here, Honeypearl.”

 

 

# C H A P T E R   T H R E E

 

 

 

He waited an entire day to approach the Prince Fredegar. He had not eaten all day. He did not know where to find some food. Back home, he was summoned down for every meal. He did not have to go look for them. And he was sure that he could not just waltz into the feast hall and expect to be fed by the servants.

Perhaps he was supposed to eat with the other guards at the barracks. Oddly enough, the idea no longer horrified him. He had made not one but two unlikely friends today. He did not have many friends in Novalon. When he was young, the boys his age would not play with him, and the girls were uncomfortable with a boy around. So, he never made many friends. The only ones who would play with him were his sisters.

When he was older, the other noble boys treated him like an odd creature that needed to be experimented with. They’d call him names. Sehun never really was affected by them. But he knew they did not want to be his friends.

But these Skair men were the furthest thing from noble and even though they looked at Sehun with curiosity and confusion, they did not insult him. They called him pretty and _Honeypearl_. Sehun liked that. He knew he was not supposed to, and his father would be very disappointed if he found out that his son had earned the name ‘Honeypearl’ on his first day at the barracks. But he liked it nevertheless. It sounded like an endearment amidst names like Skullmane, Ragepelt, Asscrusher, Steelshout and… Strongstare.

He could blame the other boys, who did not want to play with him, for his lack of friends. Not entirely. Whenever he had the chance, he preferred to stay home and listen to his mother recite poems and narrate fables and fairy tales to his sisters. He would sit in a corner of the room and be mesmerised as his sisters, listening to those adventures and romances, which he hoped to live one day. If his mother had been disappointed in him for not being more interested in picking up a sword, she never showed it. His father, on the other hand, evinced his manifest displeasure at every opportunity. With time, Sehun began to get used to it.

The Queen Regent was busy with other matters when Sehun requested a meeting with her. He was glad, however, that at least Prince Fredegar had agreed to see him.

When the King’s Clerk opened the study’s door and welcomed him in, Sehun entered with some hesitance in his steps.

“The Prince will see you now,” said the King’s Clerk as he ushered Sehun into a room.

He stopped and bowed his head when he was presented before Prince Fredegar, who was seated at a desk with piles of scrolls and parchments laid out before him. He rubbed his temples and looked up at Sehun with a tired frown.

“Speak,” he said in an order.

Sehun cleared his throat. “Your Majesty. Pardon me for troubling you once again,” he said.

“You’re not troubling me,” said the Crown Prince, averting his gaze from Sehun.

Sehun fell silent for a brief moment. The Prince looked so incredibly young compared to his older brother. Yet they somehow resembled each other so much that Sehun found it difficult to form his words in the Prince’s presence.

Prince Fredegar leaned back in his chair and tilted his head at Sehun curiously. “Something caught your tongue, Lord Sehun?”

Sehun bit the inside of his cheek and drew a breath. “Your Excellency, I had brought myself to see the King’s Guard at the barracks today. And even though I met with the Captain of the King’s Guard, I was not given a letter of approval, which the Queen Regent’s Advisor had demanded before I join the training guards.”

“Is that so?” The Prince’s tone sounded smug and unconcerned. Sehun could not tell if the Prince were trying to mock him again.

Blushing, Sehun lowered his head. “Captain Aaden… told me to bring him a referral from Your Majesty,” he added.

“Hmm,” said Prince Fredegar. He then was silent for a stretch as he continued to stare at Sehun, as though he were looking for answers in Sehun’s body.

A moment later, he rose from the desk and made his way around it before he leaned back against the edge of the desk. Sehun tried not to raise his head and look at those familiar blue eyes.

“How well do you know my brother?”

The question caught Sehun off his guard. He glanced up at the taller man and blinked. “Your Highness?”

The Prince’s stony expression was different from what Sehun had seen of him the previous night. “I did not think that my brother had friends close enough to mete out favours to.”

Sehun did not know what to say, so vacantly stared back at the Crown Prince.

Then heaving a sigh, the Prince said, “The clerk will quill you a referral forthwith.”

Sehun nodded his head. “Thank you, Your Grace.”

“No, hold on,” said Prince Fredegar just as Sehun turned around to take his leave. “Why are you here?”

Sehun did not answer him immediately because he knew the Prince was asking for the truth. With blood pulsing in his temples, he said, “I want to serve you, Your Grace.”

The Prince arched a golden brow. “Surely you must have other ways to serve me than to force yourself to do something you are not comfortable with.”

Sehun’s heart clenched at that. It might have been the first time someone had understood him so soon in spite of it being only their second conversation.

He kept his gaze low as he replied. “My house wants to pledge its allegiance to you, our new King. I am honoured to be here, Your Grace.”

Prince Fredegar’s eyes narrowed. He shook his head lightly and said, “You may leave.”

Sehun bowed and ambled out of the room. He waited a while longer and collected the referral letter before exiting the study.

By the time he headed back for the barracks, the night had descended a shroud of darkness over the land. Torches were lit along the courtyard and corridors. Although Sehun was partly glad that the day was nearing its end, he knew that it meant that he would soon have to face the morrow.

His stomach grumbled as he made his way toward the barracks, clutching the scroll signed with the seal of the Crown Prince in his hand. He was exhausted, even though the day had not been all that taxing. He was, however, hungry.

He wondered what his sisters would be doing right now. They would probably be done with supper and would be getting ready for bed. He missed Hanita, and he missed reading bedtime tales to her.

Walking around the barracks, he meandered through the empty training arena. His heart raced a little when he noticed the faint candlelight through the window of the Captain’s Hovel.

He gave the door a couple of knocks and waited for it to open. But it never did. Perhaps he could leave the scroll at the doorstep. Or he could wait for the Captain to come back.

In the end, he turned for the barracks. He was not sure what made him walk that way. It might have been the smell of roasted pork and potatoes that wafted out of the barracks.

“Honeypearl!” he heard Ragepelt roar as soon as he walked into the dining hall of the barracks. “You’re back!”

The big man rushed to his side and threw his arms around Sehun to crush him in a brutal embrace. Whimpering, Sehun pulled away from the man who still reeked of foul smell. The hall was thundering with hungry men, who tore into the meat like wild animals. Some of them more interested in the bottles of ale than the food.

“Come,” Ragepelt said, ushering Sehun toward a table. “Sit with us.”

Sehun did not refuse as he was seated at the table. He looked at Skullmane, who lifted a tankard at him and nodded her head before quaffing the ale like a man.

“What do you like?” asked Steelshout, plumping on the bench beside Sehun. “Help yourself. You could use some meat on that bone of yours.” He curled a hand around Sehun’s arm and shook his head, clicking his tongue disappointedly. “Did Mommy and Daddy not feed you enough?”

Sehun looked away embarrassedly. “They did,” he muttered shyly.

“Then why do you look like you haven’t been fed for ages?” asked Ragepelt, sliding a platter of sliced pork meat toward Sehun.

Sehun’s mouth watered. He picked up a small piece of the meat with a fork and took a bashful bite, discomforted by the men who were watching him eat.

“I’ll be damned,” let out Ragepelt, gawking at Sehun’s mouth. “You eat like a girl, boy! Come on! Tear into that meat!”

Sehun shook his head. “I… can’t,” he whispered and took another small bite.

“Small mouth,” he heard Steelshout mutter to Ragepelt.

Sehun ignored them for a moment and ate the food offered to him heartily. He had never appreciated a meal as much as he did in that moment. That was when he realized that he had never had to starve for a single meal.

When he thought he had had enough, he looked for a napkin to wipe his mouth. He looked at the men at the table who were gawking at him.

“Can I get a napkin?” he asked politely.

“Uh,” let out Ragepelt as everyone searched around them for a napkin.

“We don’t use napkins here,” said Asscrusher, rubbing the back of his bullneck.

“Will this do?” asked another man, whose name Sehun had not learned, handing Sehun a dirty rag that was clinging to his hip.

Sehun frowned. “I… Thank you,” he said and accepted the rag, anyway. He did not use it, however.

He eventually looked over to the other noblemen sitting at a table, who were glaring at him. Especially Golddust. Sehun wondered if he had seen the boy elsewhere. He might have at some parties, but he could not quite recognize that pale face. He had called Sehun a ‘cocksucker’. Could that be intentional?

Looking away from him, Sehun noticed the man sitting at the furthest corner of the hall at a table all by his lonesome. No one was sitting with him. And even though he had his back turned to Sehun, the latter could easily recognize that black uniform.

With a small gasp, he shot up from his seat and started toward the table the Captain was occupying.

“No, where are you going, Honeypearl?” whined Ragepelt, frowning.

Sehun did not answer him as he approached the Captain. When he reached the table, he stopped a few feet away from it and calmed his pounding heart.

He took note of the Captain’s dishevelled appearance. It was the end of the day, and the man had his overcoat and shirt unlaced at the top, his hair a tousled mess, his green eyes sheening with fatigue when they looked up at him.

Even the very brief glance made Sehun’s lungs hurt. The Captain turned his gaze back to the bread in his hand and bit into it.

Sehun took a step closer to the table.

“I… have the referral you asked for,” he muttered, holding the scroll out to the man.

Huffing heavily, the Captain rose from the bench and faced him. He was scowling for no reason, Sehun thought, getting a little tired of this tension between them. He still did not know what he had done to deserve that slap. Was the Captain just trying to defend that dirty, weird boy, who was behaving inappropriately with Sehun? Who was the boy to the Captain, anyway?

Without saying a word, the Captain took the scroll out of Sehun’s hand before he turned and walked out of the hall.

Sehun remained where he stood for a moment, gathering his breaths. He had wanted to make the man pay for what he had done, but the longer it took, the more Sehun feared the man.

He was not sure what he was doing when he went after the Captain.

Out in the training arena, he halted when the Captain stopped in his tracks to look back at him with a grim moue.

Gripping the hem of his shirt at the sides with his hands, he asked, “Can I… start my training now?”

The Captain did not answer immediately. The moonlight danced so gracefully in his harsh eyes. Then he stepped forward. Sehun almost recoiled but managed to hold his position as the older, taller man closed the distance between them.

For an instant, Sehun thought that the Captain would hit him again. Especially for what he had said behind the man’s back this morning.

But he only stared at Sehun’s face with a hard glower. Then at length, he said, “I did not mean to hurt you.”

Sehun blinked. Was he… apologizing?

Clenching his jaw, he said, “You would not have raised your hand if you had not.”

The Captain clearly had not expected the response. He winced as though Sehun’s words had stung him. For some beats, he did nothing but stare blankly into Sehun’s eyes.

Then grinding his teeth, he spat, “I did not mean to hurt _you_.”

What was that supposed to mean, Sehun wondered.

“I raised my hand without thinking. I did not think that you’d be so…” the Captain trailed off, looking a little flustered. The man was not as eloquent with his words as he was with his stares.

All resentment drained from Sehun’s heart, nevertheless. He sighed and dropped his gaze. “It’s all right,” he let out quietly. Was it all right? He did not know. But it had been a long day, and he found it difficult to stay mad at a man who looked so exhausted.

The Captain was even more flustered now. Not even his sun-kissed skin could hide the redness that spread over his ears.

Then making a guttural noise in his throat, the man turned on his heel. “I will hand the letter of approval to the advisor myself. You may begin your training here tomorrow at first light.”

Sehun bowed his head, even though the Captain was already walking away from him. He could not wait to go back to his room and collapse on the pallet.

Tomorrow would be tougher than today.

* * *

He showed up at the training arena at daybreak. He was surprised to find some of the guards up and about the arena, but there was no sign of the Captain.

“Ah,” he grunted, staggering forward when someone bumped into his back.

“Oh, I did not see you there,” a heard a familiar voice say. Turning around, Sehun looked at Golddust, who was smirking at him. Now that they stood much closer to each other, Sehun realized that the boy had a little more meat on him than Sehun did. He had some lean muscles but was short.

“Look at you,” said Golddust. “All primped and ready to become a guard.”

Sehun frowned but did not make a rejoinder as he turned away. He was forced to face the noble prick again when Golddust grabbed his arm and spun him around.

“You do not belong here,” the boy then spat.

“You are not wrong,” Sehun told him, yanking his arm free.

“You will be scurrying from this place crying before the day ends.”

“Golddust!” called a rough female voice. “Get to your practice.”

They both turned to look at Skullmane, who marched up to them with a lour etched to her face.

Dipping his head low, Golddust moved away from Sehun but not without pinning him with a foul look first.

Sehun sighed and faced Skullmane. “What can I do?” he asked, not having a clue of what he was supposed to do today.

“Well, for starters,” said Skullmane, eyeing Sehun up and down. “you can jump into something a little less obtrusive.”

Sehun glanced down at his tunic and frowned. “I do not own anything less obtrusive.”

“Come with me.”

As he followed her into the barracks, he flinched every time a guard smiled or whistled at him cheerily. He did not know what to make of it. Were they poking fun at him or were they simply amused? Either way, Sehun decided that it did not really bother him.

He waited while Skullmane fetched a pile of folded clothes from a trunk. “What is this?” he asked when she handed them to him.

“Something a little less obtrusive,” said the woman. “Change into them and meet me out in the training arena. We’ll see what you can do with a sword.”

Sehun looked at her confusedly. Why was she doing all this?

As though she had read his muddled mind, she said, “Strongstare put me in charge of you.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Are you disappointed?”

Not so much as disappointed as insulted. Why must he be trained by a woman? Not that Skullmane looked or sounded like one.

“No, I’m not,” he muttered.

“Good. Because I can wield a sword better than half the men out there.”

“But you’re not a guard,” he said. “You do not wear a uniform.”

Something shifted in her expression then. “Women are not allowed to be guards.”

“So, what do you do here?”

“I… I do whatever my Captain tells me to do. And so should you.” With that, she left Sehun alone in the room.

Quickly changing into the plain shirt and trousers, Sehun stepped out. He should have removed his belly chain, too. But he had not, so he could only hope that no one at the barracks noticed it. He did not want to give them one more reason to look at him like he was a puzzle they could not solve.

He grimaced at the shirt. It was not something he ever thought he would wear. But it was definitely more discreet.

When he stepped back into the training arena, he trembled nervously, eyes surveying the guards-in-training who were busy sparring with each other. Some palace guards were just returning to the barracks after their shift.

“Good morning, Honeypearl.”

He jumped and spun around to look at Ragepelt, who was clad in his King’s Guard uniform. “Ragepelt,” he breathed out. “Good… morning.”

“Good to see you back here,” said the man as he put his helmet on.

“Are you on your shift now?” asked Sehun. In the corner of his eye, he noticed Golddust and the other guards-in-training were glaring at him. They probably were not fond of Sehun being fawned over the other guards.

“Yes,” said Ragepelt, raising a hand to ruffle Sehun’s hair. “Do not be a thorn on Skullmane’s side. She’s not very nice when she’s angry.”

Sehun, surprisingly, did not flinch away from the man’s touch. He smiled and almost giggled instead. “I can imagine,” he said.

Steelshout and Asscrusher also gave Sehun’s head a pat as they strode past him with their helmets on their heads and spears in their hands.

“Hey, pretty boy,” called Skullmane from a side of the arena. “Are you going to get your butt over here or are you already thinking about quitting?”

Sucking in a big breath, Sehun headed over to her. “So, what do we do now?”

“Here,” she said and tossed a practice sword in his way.

Sehun gasped and jumped back.

While the other guards-in-training broke into a laugh, Skullmane stared at him with a raised eyebrow. “You were supposed to catch it,” she said.

Scratching the back of his neck, Sehun frowned at the sword on the ground. “I know… I just…”

When he picked it up, Skullmane it pried it out of his hand. “You don’t know how to hold a sword?”

Sehun shook his head. “Well, I was never required to.”

“Wow,” she let out and rubbed her temples. “That was what I was afraid of.” She set the sword aside and stepped toward Sehun. “Look. Strongstare left you in my supervision. I will not have you fall short on my account. So, you are going to everything I tell you to do with the best you have. Am I understood?”

Sehun nodded his head shakily. “I will try, I promise.”

“Good. Now, stand one foot until I say you may stand on both again.”

Sehun gaped at her as she backed away, arms folded over her chest. “Wh-What?”

“In the middle of the arena. Go.”

Sehun could feel his breathing quicken as he timidly started for the space in the middle of the arena. Everyone stopped to spectate him.

With nothing to hold onto, Sehun lifted a foot from the ground. In just a few heartbeats, he dropped it again. Skullmane leaned against a target board and tilted her head, prompting him to try again.

Puffing, Sehun lifted the foot again. He glanced at Golddust, who was sneering at him condescendingly.

He managed to stand on one foot longer than his first try. But he did not last very long. He was told to keep going, so he did until the morning sun rapidly brightened the sky.

Beads of sweat began to trickle down the nape of his neck and roll along his back under the shirt. He began to pant after a couple of hours, his heart thumping hard.

Skullmane never took her eyes off him, even as she sharpened her daggers. While the other guards-in-training trained with swords, bows, arrows, and spears, Sehun was struggling to stand on one foot for hours.

He thought his head was starting to spin. Or perhaps it was the world around him. Every time he lost his footing and dropped his raised foot back to the ground, he felt another onslaught of shame.

“At this rate, I am going to be proven right,” said Golddust at one point when he stopped before Sehun.

He tried not to let it distract him. He was afraid to even wipe the sweat on his face.

“You are from Novalon, aren’t you?” asked Golddust.

The sun was high up in the sky now, smouldering like a burning medallion against a canvas of blue.

“I have seen you before,” said Golddust, advancing toward him. “You pretentious little git that loves to hide behind his sisters’ kirtles. I never thought I would see you here.”

Sehun dropped his foot again and huffed exasperatedly at the boy. “Can you leave me alone?”

“No,” he spat and brought a hand to Sehun’s shoulder to shove it. Staggering back a step, Sehun glared at him. “Do you know who my father is?”

“Why? Did your mother not tell you?” Sehun shot back at him. Skullmane grinned from where she stood while the other guards burst into a chuckle.

“You little—” Golddust growled as he lunged at Sehun and shoved him back until Sehun stumbled and dropped to the ground. “You will pay for that.”

He hissed Sehun before he stomped away, heading for the barracks along with the others.

Sehun let out a heavy breath and pushed himself up, dusting his pants. “How much longer do I have to do this?” he asked Skullmane when she approached him.

“You will continue after lunch and will keep going until you think your stance is steady enough,” she said and jerked her head at the barracks. “But let us go inside and feed our bellies first.”

* * *

For the next two days, all that he was ordered to do was try and stand on one foot. The second day, even though his legs were sore and almost asleep, he managed to stand with one foot up for a lot longer than he had the day before. He did not even stumble as many times.

 During the next day, he joined Ragepelt and the others at a table. They asked him where he slept since he did not stay at the barracks like the others.

“You get to sleep in the palace?” asked Asscrusher.

Sehun nodded, his mouth stuffed with roasted figs. His eyes unconsciously searched the feast hall for the Captain. He was there, in the corner again, alone. It was his choice, Sehun figured. Because the other guards revered and respected the man. When he was done eating, he quietly made his way out of the feast hall.

That night, when he returned to his small, dark room, he dreamed of Alvar.

* * *

The rest of the week was tougher. Skullmane made him run laps around the arena every day. When he was not standing on one foot, he was running on both of them. Some evenings, Ragepelt, Steelshout and Asscrusher would join him, and they would cheer him on.

In that week alone, he was beginning to get comfortable around the guards at the barracks. He did not understand how those men and Skullmane could make him feel at ease the way the noblemen and women he had known his whole life could never.

One evening, as he strolled past the courtyard with Skullmane, he said, “You can be honest with me. You do not think I would make it, do you?”

Skullmane looked ahead and took a moment to respond. The skies above were turning into a gentle shade of purplish black.

“I know that I do not have what it takes to be a soldier,” Sehun said, almost laughing at himself.

“You have time until the coronation,” said Skullmane.

“That is only less than five moons away. I will not be ready by then. And I know the Captain will never let his company be compromised by letting a subpar guard like me into it.”

Skullmane came to a halt and faced Sehun with a hard gaze. “Look at who you are talking to, Honeypearl,” she said. “I am a woman. No man wants to see a woman best him in a duel. And I have bested twenty-seven men in duels. That is how I ended up here. And you know how? By being determined. I do what I want to do, and I do it with pride. I know what men think when they look at me. And you know what they think when they look at _you_. You want me to answer your question? Yes, I do not think you will make it. But you will not fail because of what the others think of you. You will fail because this is not what you want. You think you give your best. But you do not because at the end of the day, this isn’t what you want. Your heart is set elsewhere. Even an idiot could see that.”

She stopped herself to glance past Sehun’s shoulder. Sehun turned his head around to look at the Queen Regent, who walked across the courtyard with her advisor, abigail and guards. The Captain of the King’s Guard was also at her side, keeping his strides steady and his hands clasped at his back.

Green eyes looked to Sehun momentarily. The Captain turned his attention back to his Queen immediately, looking slightly disgruntled.

Once they were gone, Sehun faced Skullmane again. “It is not that I do not want to do my best,” he said. “But at the end of the day, the decision resides with the Captain, and I do not think that the Captain is all that fond of me.”

Skullmane arched a brow at him. “What made you think that?”

Sehun sighed. “The first day I got here… I got into a bit of a… fateful situation with him.”

“What?”

Sehun rubbed his cheek involuntarily. “He… hit me.”

Skullmane’s eyes bulged out. “He hit you?”

“Well, he apologized for it. Sort of.”

“He _apologized_?”

Sehun stared at her. “Why do you sound like it is impossible?”

“Because it is,” she said. “That man never apologizes because he never makes a mistake. And he certainly would not _hit_ someone like you. He loves a good fight, but he only picks on someone his own size.”

Sehun frowned. “I suppose… he did not realize that I was not his size in that moment but… he did not bother to find out. He walked up to me and struck me straight on the face. He did not care if I were a noble or not.”

Skullmane’s expression hardened. “What reason did you give him to act like that?”

“So, I’m the one who has to be in the wrong here?”

“My money is on you,” she said.

Sehun pouted. “I do not know. There was this… strange boy. And his behaviour was unseemly. I was uncomfortable, so I… slapped him. Later, he showed up with the Captain and took pleasure in me getting hit by the man.”

Skullmane scoffed, almost sniggering. “Ah. Now, it all makes sense.” She began to walk again. Sehun followed. “Strongstare has but a few weaknesses. I came here when I was seventeen. I have known the man since. In those six years, I learned that only very few things that can rile him up. He does not even take a lover because he does not want to have a weakness. But he would do anything for that boy.”

Sehun was more curious than ever now. “Who… is that boy?”

“His brother,” she said. Sehun gawked at her in disbelief. “Their mother died at childbirth, and the boy… was born with… some flaws. He is not like the rest of us. He is almost a man, but he has the mind of a child. Strongstare tried to get him treated, but all his efforts were to no avail.”

Sehun’s heart broke at that. “Oh,” he let out, a sob rising in his throat when he thought about the day he had hit the poor kid. God, he was the one who should have apologized. Not the Captain.

“He would not have hesitated to kill you,” Skullmane added. “But if you are still alive, then consider that his leniency towards you.”

It also might be because Sehun had started crying when the man had hit him.

“I hadn’t known,” he muttered weakly. “I never would have… done that if I had known.”

“I’m sure,” she sighed. “Do not beat yourself up over it. I’m sure he knows now that you didn’t know.”

“Still… I feel terrible.”

When they reached the barracks, Steelshout hurried over to them and said, “Hey, Honeypearl. You will be joining us tomorrow night, won’t you?”

“He’s too new and young for that, Steelshout,” said Skullmane.

“Too new and young for what?” asked Sehun.

Skullmane fixed Steelshout with a glare. “He will not be going with us.”

Asscrusher leaped onto the table and started making animal noises. “A bunch of us usually head down to the city for a few rounds of good ale and a good fuck at the whorehouse at the end of the week,” he bellowed at Sehun. “You should come along!”

As much as Sehun was interested in neither the ale nor the whorehouse, he wanted to get out of here for a change and chase a good time with the other guards.

“That sounds fun,” he said, grinning from ear to ear. “Of course, I’d love to go along.”

Skullmane looked at him with a grimace, but she did not comment on it as she walked away with a shrug.

 

 

# C H A P T E R   F O U R

 

 

 

He was told to pick up a sword the next day. Golddust, whose real name Sehun had learned two days ago, was watching him fumble with the sword. Unlike him, Golddust or Figo, which was his actual name, was good with a sword. He was not a great swordsman, but he was definitely better than Sehun. Everyone was better than Sehun.

“I will teach you the proper stance first,” said Skullmane. “A soldier is as good as his weapon. So, you must choose your weapon wisely. Are you comfortable with a sword?”

Sehun made a face and shook his head but tightened his hands around the grip of the sword.

“Now, you cannot hold a short sword with both hands,” said Skullmane. “Hold it with your dominant hand.”

Sehun loosened his left hand and let it drop to his side. Even that was clumsy.

Skullmane shook her head. “Why are you so stiff? Spread your legs wider. It will give you a better posture.”

Sehun did as she told him to do but still only saw disappointment and worry in her expression.

His attention was then distracted by the door of the Captain’s Hovel that creaked open before the Captain stepped out, dressed sharp in his uniform. His eyes instantly flitted to the training arena, where everyone was focused on Sehun in anticipation of his inevitable failure and humiliation.

Even from a distance he could see the Captain’s lockjaw and squared shoulders as the man started towards the arena.

“Get back to your training!” he snapped at the other guards-in-training, who were gawking at Sehun instead of concentrating on their own training.

Sehun was grateful for that. He tore his gaze away from the Captain, however, when he realized that the man was walking towards him.

“He’s too stiff,” Skullmane told the Captain when he stopped at her side. Sehun’s eyes fell on the Captain’s silver broadsword. He wondered if he would ever see the man wield that great and beautiful sword. “I am trying everything I can, but I do not think this boy could hold a sword.”

The Captain stared at Sehun for a long moment, as though he wanted to read Sehun’s mind. Then taking a step forward, he looked into Sehun’s eyes.

“Do you know how to dance?” he asked. What did that have anything to do with this?

Sehun gave a curt nod of his head, anyway. He thought about the night the Captain had issued that half-assed apology. Perhaps it was Sehun’s turn to apologize for assaulting the man’s disabled brother.

“This is just like dancing,” said the Captain. “Be graceful and limber. Clear your head and get into it.”

Sehun almost gasped when the man clamped a hand around his wrist and lifted it to lift the sword. “Captain…” he let out in a breath.

The man halted abruptly, eyes dropping to Sehun’s parted lips. Then scowling, his grip tightened around Sehun’s wrist. “Keep your elbow angled,” he ordered. “Your grip at your chest.”

Sehun held his breath and kept his eyes on anything but the Captain as the man folded his arm to an angle.

“Feet further apart,” he told Sehun, kicking Sehun’s feet apart. “Hips should also be angled.”

When he raised a hand to Sehun’s waist, Sehun could not stop the small gasp that escaped his lips. He was glad that it was not loud, but it was loud enough for the Captain to hear. His hand was cold against Sehun’s warm skin beneath the flimsy commoner shirt as it curled around the corner of the waist, the gold belly chain caught between his fingers and Sehun’s skin.

Though he instantly released the waist, his hand still hovered an inch away from it while his jaw loosened. The man blinked confusedly for a moment.

He then stepped away as though he had been burned. He was not looking at Sehun’s face anymore.

“If he does not get it right,” he spat to Skullmane. “have him practise it again and again until he does.”

With that order, he started for the palace, doing that thing with his hand again. Loosening and clenching it.

“You heard him,” said Skullmane, diverting his attention. “This is like dancing. I’m sure you’re better at that.”

Sehun blushed. “I am.”

* * *

When the day finally came to an end, Sehun returned to his room to get ready for his outing with some of the guards. He was excited. All those times he had been to Skairon, he had never had the chance to see what the city was like. His parents would never allow him or his sisters to wander about the streets.

Even though Sehun missed his sisters, he was beginning to enjoy his newfound freedom and independence. And that company of the guards was not half bad.

After washing himself, he looked down at the belly chain around his waist and recalled the Captain’s reaction when the man had touched it. His cheeks burned in shame just from thinking about the embarrassment.

He put on a tunic he liked. It had a small embroidery of a rose on the right corner of its hem, which his mother had made.

He hoped his letter had reached his family. And he hoped that they would write him back to let him know that they missed him.

Later, he met up with Ragepelt, Asscrusher, Steelshout, Skullmane and a few other guards at the barracks before they headed for the gates of the palace.

“I am so happy you are tagging along, Honeypearl,” said Ragepelt. “I can get you the best whore if you want later.”

“I will be fine, I think,” said Sehun uncomfortably. “Thank you.”

The men did not shut up as they wended their way through the streets. The babel surely would have awakened some people. Sehun did not mind, though. He smiled the entire way, enjoying all the merry songs the men were singing. Skullmane even joined them for one of the songs. Sehun wished that he had been familiar with the songs, even though his mother would have burned his tongue if he even uttered a line from those songs.

 _“Sweet as a tart, she owned my heart,”_ sang Steelshout.

Ragepelt continued. _“Though I was a runt, she offered me her cunt!”_

Sehun giggled despite himself.

_“Through the night for the horny knight,_

_She squawked like a hawk for his big mighty cock.”_

“Is that even a real song?” Sehun asked Skullmane, chuckling.

Skullmane rolled her eyes. “To men, it’s always about the cunt and the cock.”

Sehun sighed. He stopped suddenly when he spotted a stray cat in the alley they were cavorting through. Grinning, he skipped over to it and crouched to the ground to pet it. It purred and rubbed its head against his hand graciously.

When he rose back to his full height and turned to the others, he found the men to be gaping at him like they were witnessing a miracle.

Sehun was worried that he had offended them in some way, and the last thing he needed right now was to alienate any of them.

But then Ragepelt approached him with a slack jaw. “Honeypearl, I do not know who raised you,” he said in awe and draped an arm gently around Sehun’s shoulders. “but you are one soft laddie.”

Sehun bit his smiling lip, blushing. He could never get used to men paying him compliments. Back at home, they were sparse. Men often looked at him with despise. Especially the one that fathered him.

He was small amidst all the other men and Skullmane, even though he was not all that shorter than them. But they were well-muscled and incredibly bulked up. Even so, he felt protected and safe. It was a sense of security he never had so far away from home before.

They found a tavern eventually. The tavernkeeper was more than happy to serve the members of the King’s Guard and one small guard-in-training.

As they sat down at a table, the tavernkeeper brought over tankards of ale. Although Sehun took one for himself, he did not drain it instantly like the rest did. Skullmane was grinning at him.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she said with a shrug.

Holding the large tankard with both hands, Sehun pressed his lips to the brim and took a small sip of the bitter ale. He hated its taste, and he had no idea how the others could swallow it like water.

When they started singing again, Sehun could not help but beam with joy. Never in his life had he once imagined that one day, he would enjoy the company of brute, oafish men who had no manners or inhibitions whatsoever.

“Are you not drinking, boy?” asked a guard, whose epithet was Bonemight. He was the biggest man Sehun had ever seen. Tall like a giant, body with the might of three men. And though he was usually quiet, the ale made him drawl quite a bit.

“I am,” Sehun lied.

“Then drink up!” Bonemight exclaimed before knocking back another tankard of ale himself.

Sehun sipped once more and grimaced at the taste.

“Do you know what would really be great right about now?” said Ragepelt, clearly drunk.

“We all know you’re going to talk about a cunt, Ragepelt,” said Skullmane.

“You’ve got one, don’t you?” asked the man, leaning in to Skullmane. “You never show it, but you’ve got one. You ever let it get fucked?”

“By real men, sure,” she spat back at him.

Ragepelt laughed disgustingly and drank some more.

Sehun looked away from them to fix his gaze on the strange man, who was staring directly at him from a corner of the crowded tavern. For a moment, Sehun thought that he was mistaken for someone else. But then the man started to smirk in his way.

Although Sehun was flattered by it, he decided to look away. Perhaps he was reading the situation wrong.

And then the stranger walked over to the table. “Do you want to get out of here?” he asked Sehun in a gruff voice.

Recoiling, Sehun looked up at the man and shook his head diffidently. “I don’t know who you are,” he said.

“Who cares?” said the stranger, grimacing. “Come on now.”

The instant he put his hand on Sehun’s shoulder, Steelshout grabbed the man’s wrist and shot up to his feet.

Ragepelt drew his sword while Asscrusher’s hand flung up to clutch at the man’s neck at once.

“You want to know what they call me, ugly face?” said Asscrusher, tilting his head as he stared daggers into the stranger’s horrified eyes. “ _Asscrusher_. Because ass-crushing is what I do best. Now, I don’t know about you, but I am in the mood to do some ass-crushing at the moment.”

Skullmane huffed heavily, shaking her head as she drank. “Men,” she groaned.

As soon as Asscrusher released his neck, the stranger staggered away before he hurtled out of the tavern like his life depended on it.

“Motherfuckers,” said Ragepelt as he sank back in his chair, sheathing his sword. “You don’t worry, boy. We have your back.”

It was then when Sehun realized that he had stopped breathing. Swallowing hard, he looked at the three men, slightly dumbstruck.

He drank then. All of the ale without stopping to take a breath. Even though these men found him odd and amusing, they still saw a friend in him. Sehun had never had that before.

A few hours past midnight, the others decided that they were too drunk to get their cocks up. So, they teetered their way back to the barracks.

Ragepelt was the most drunk out of them all. He could barely see where he was putting his feet. The world had stopped spinning for Sehun, though. One tankard of ale was all it took to knock him out for a moment there.

Arriving at the barracks, they stopped in the feast hall when they found the Captain and his brother seated at a table. The man was trying to get his brother to eat some bread.

“Oh, shit,” hissed Steelshout as he hurriedly straightened his shirt and ran his hands through his hair. The rest did the same except Skullmane and Sehun.

The Captain looked up at them and scowled.

“Good morning, Cap’n,” drawled Ragepelt as he dawdled over to the man. “Good morning, Babyfigs.” He saluted at the Captain’s little brother, who started giggling at the man.

Shaking his head, the Captain tore another piece from the half a loaf of bread he was holding and held it out to his brother.

Sehun’s heart melted a little as he watched the boy he had so cruelly slapped the other day eat the bread from his brother’s hand.

And the Captain was still dressed in his uniform, although he had completely unlaced his overcoat.

As Ragepelt plumped down at the table the Captain was sitting at, he turned to the man’s brother. The others joined Ragepelt.

Sehun hesitated for a moment before he too took his seat on the bench across the Captain. He caught the way the man looked at him for a heartbeat before he turned his attention back to his brother.

“Do you want to hear a story, Babyfigs?” asked Ragepelt.

The boy nodded his head eagerly. “Yes!”

“You should eat and get to bed, Reyan” sighed the Captain.

“But I want a story,” said… Reyan. “You never tell me a story, Brother.”

Sehun was reminded of Hanita, who loved stories. He loved stories, too.

“All right. What about a riddle, then?” said Ragepelt.

Reyan clapped his hands. “Yes! I love riddles!”

The Captain sighed tiredly. The man looked exhausted.

“I come in oblivion, I will be gone in your wake. I make men better or worse when they try to reach me. What am I?”

Reyan gasped. “I don’t know,” he said, sounding more surprised than disappointed.

“Anyone else?” asked Ragepelt.

“A dream,” Sehun answered when no one else did.

“That is correct, Honeypearl.”

Reyan looked at Sehun then. He began to scowl. “You,” he spat. “I don’t like you.”

Sehun blushed feverishly when the Captain glanced to him. “I know,” he muttered.

“Reyan, that’s enough. We should get you to bed,” said his brother.

“No. Just a moment,” the boy pleaded, clinging onto the Captain’s half-laced shirt.

“I had a dream once,” said Bonemight, sounding miserable all of a sudden as he stared at the floor aimlessly with his head hung. “I wanted to be the best shoemaker in the country like my father.”

Steelshout nodded his head and patted Bonemight’s back. “I had a lover once. Back in the village. She was not all that pretty but had quite a good collection down there. We made promises to each other. We fucked every night in her daddy’s barn. I even put a baby in her belly. But then she got married to a bastard with a fatter coin purse.”

Sehun gawked at the man.

“What about you, Skullmane?” asked Steelshout. “What did you want?”

Sehun almost thought that she would not divulge anything. But then she did. “I wanted everyone to accept me for who I am,” she said with her head hung. “Whether I looked like a man or a woman. I never felt like I was a woman, though.”

“We accept you for who you are here,” said Ragepelt. “You ever wanted something, Babyfigs?”

Reyan nodded. “I wanted to see my mother and ask her to forgive me for killing her,” he said, dropping his head sleepily on his brother’s shoulder.

The hall went silent for a moment.

The Captain clenched his eyes.

Ragepelt grunted and huffed. “That’s rough,” he said. “I always wanted to fuck and marry the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“What about you, Honeypearl?” asked Asscrusher.

Sehun shook his head. “Nothing,” he whispered.

“Oh, there must be something,” said Ragepelt. “Come on. We don’t know much about you. Everyone wants something.”

Sehun felt his throat tighten as he thought about what he wanted. Then smiling to himself, he said, “I want to be loved so hard. Like in the storybooks. Like how the stars love the night. How the breeze loves the sea. With every inch of breath.”

Asscrusher, Ragepelt and Steelshout looked at him with tears in their eyes. “You will find a love like that, boy,” said Ragepelt. “You will.”

Sehun smiled as he crimsoned, lowering his head. He then looked at the Captain, realizing that the man was there, and he had just embarrassed himself yet again in front of the Captain.

But he was telling the truth. He was a sap. All that he wanted in this world was to be loved. It was probably why he had fallen in love with Alvar so fast.

“And you, Captain?” Ragepelt turned to the green-eyed man, who was staring at Sehun with a blank expression. “What do _you_ want?”

Gripping his jaw, the man finally looked away from Sehun and rose from the bench, dragging his brother up with him. “For you all to shut up and get to bed.”

“Oh, you are one hard man to break,” sighed Ragepelt when the Captain stormed out of the feast hall with a strong grip on his brother’s arm. As he dragged the boy away, Reyan frowned and waved the others goodbye.

He was a good boy. Sehun had seriously misjudged him. He felt even more terrible now. He ought to apologize to the boy when he got the chance.

That night, when Sehun climbed into his bed, his breathing slowly laboured as his body began to burn. He was not sure if it were the exhaustion from the day or if it were the alcohol. But he thought of Alvar, he thought of all the times the man’s lips had touched his skin. As all the obscene memories filled his head, his hand slithered between his legs under the blanket.

When he was done, he buried his face into the pillow and cried himself to sleep. He wanted to be loved hard. But deep within, he knew that the man he loved did not love him like that. Not yet.

* * *

In the following week, not only did he manage to get better at holding the sword in the right way, he was also able to swing it a few times at the wooden post.

Skullmane was brutal with her remarks and judgments. But Sehun appreciated them.

As the days went by, he genuinely wanted to be better. It was no easy task, and he knew that even if he were better, he would not make the cut. He doubted that he would ever been good enough. Perhaps with time. But he knew the Captain would not waste his time or the others’ on him for too long when he could be directing the effort somewhere more worth it.

He did not think that he would ever even want to wield a sword, let alone train alongside monstrous brutes. But he soon began to understand that these brutes were kinder to him than the noblemen would ever be.

Golddust stopped picking on him eventually when the others were around after Steelshout told him that he would put the boy’s head in the ice if he shoved Honeypearl around again. Bullies were not welcome at the barracks, and it was an order from the Captain himself.

Sehun grew more and more comfortable with his epithet, Honeypearl. No one called him by his real name anymore.

Then one day, a palace guard walked up to him while he was training in the arena and said, “You are being summoned by the Queen’s Advisor. He wants to see you in his study.”

“I am?” said Sehun, looking to Skullmane. He handed her the sword before he hurried toward the palace.

He went looking for the advisor at once. He had no idea if he had done something wrong. Or perhaps he was being let go early. In that case, Sehun was not sure if he wanted to go home so soon.

He missed his family, of course. But for the first time in his life, he was happy. He felt free and wanted somewhere that he was not supposed to belong. Oh, the irony.

As he reached the advisor’s study, he stopped in the doorway when he heard the Crown Prince’s voice.

“Not even the south,” said Prince Fredegar sternly.

“Your Grace, I worry that you might be making rash decisions,” Sehun heard the Queen’s Advisor, who would soon reassume his position as the King’s Advisor when Prince Fredegar was crowned King of Slavaria.

“While I respect that you are my counsel, I believe that my word is the command,” said the Prince.

“Of course, Your Excellency. I would not argue otherwise. But taking away his powers and dominion from the south might aggravate some situations.”

“I have an army to make sure that that does not happen.”

There was silence. Taking in a breath, Sehun entered the study. He was surprised to find the Captain of the King’s Guard in there along with Halwert and Prince Fredegar.

“Your Majesty,” Sehun rasped, bowing before the Crown Prince.

The Prince licked his lips and smirked, surveying Sehun. “You look different, Lord Sehun,” he commented.

Sehun did not know what to say to that. He looked to the Captain, who was standing still and stiff with his hands at his back. His eyes were on Sehun.

“How are things at the barracks?” inquired the Prince. “Are they treating you well?” He briefly glanced to the Captain.

Sehun struggled to understand the intention underlying the Prince’s unreadable expression. “Yes, they are, Your Grace,” he muttered.

“Tell me, Captain Aaden, does he have what it takes to be a good addition to the King’s Guard?” the Prince asked, turning to the Captain.

For a moment, the man did not look away from Sehun. Then he faced the Prince. “No, Your Majesty,” he said curtly. “He is pathetically unskilled and has no prospect of using even a butter knife right.”

Sehun gripped his jaw. He was not sure why that angered and upset him. Of course, the Captain spoke the truth, and of course, he had to speak the truth to his Crown Prince. If anything, it showed that the man was brutally loyal to the Prince. It was either that or he simply hated Sehun’s guts.

Prince Fredegar snickered and turned to Sehun again with that smirk that made Sehun’s heart beat faster. “Not even _your_ training can help him, Aaden?”

The Captain clenched and released his right fist out of habit. “It is a waste of time,” said the man. “and a waste of resources, Your Majesty.”

“How would you know?! You have never tried to train me,” Sehun spat at the man then without thinking even once. He snapped his mouth shut as soon as he had said it, wishing that he could pick the words up and stuff them back down his throat.

Prince Fredegar started laughing while the Captain gawked at Sehun with his jaw set tight. He did not flinch once when the Prince clapped a hand to his shoulder.

“He is feisty, isn’t he?” said the Prince. “I did not think he had it in him.”

Sehun scowled and looked away. Prince Fredegar sighed as he glanced over to Sehun again.

“Captain Aaden, why don’t you personally train the little lord here,” said the Prince.

The Captain’s eyes narrowed in either surprise or disbelief. “Your Majesty, I believe my job is to guard you and the Queen Regent. Not to train incapable and overambitious rahs.”

Sehun almost gaped at the man. He wanted to lunge at the bastard and grab his neck.

“Your job is also to heed my orders, is it not, Captain?” said the Prince with a faint smile. “I have faith in you. And if the stories about you are true, you can turn a twig into a tree. You can do it whenever you are not guarding me or the Queen.”

The Captain pressed his lips into a thin, strained line.

“I would like to see what he’s got,” said Prince Fredegar, smirking at Sehun now.

Sehun bowed his head as the Prince strutted past him but raised it once more to glower at the Captain, who followed after Prince Fredegar with a hard expression.

When they were gone, Sehun sighed and turned to Halwert. “You called for me?”

The advisor eyed him dubiously for a moment before nodding. “Yes. This came in for you today,” he said and held out a piece of folded parchment with a familiar seal.

Gasping, Sehun took it at once and grinned like an idiot. “A letter from Novalon?”

“From your family.”

“Thank you.”

He returned to his room for a while to read the letter. He could not stop his heart from pounding with exhilaration.

_Dear Sehun,_

_We are well over here. We hope that you have found a place in Skairon. We miss you dearly. All of us. Hanita lost a tooth some nights ago._

Sehun continued to read with a smile on his face. The letter did not say much, probably because there was not much that went on back home. But he was happy to read every word of it. The letter ended with his sister, Ferhin sending her love.

It had only been a couple of weeks, but it felt like a lifetime since he left home. He wished to see his sisters again soon.

* * *

Later that night, during dinner, Sehun told everyone that he had received a letter from his sister today.

“I have never seen you smile like that before, Honeypearl,” remarked Ragepelt with a mouth full of bramble jelly tart.

Sehun brought his fingers to his smiling lips. “I just miss them a lot,” he sighed. “And it’s only been two weeks.”

“It will get easier,” said Steelshout. “You will get used to it.”

“I hope not,” Sehun said, frowning. “I love them. And I don’t want to ever stop wanting to see them.”

The men at the table gave him that look again. The curious, amused, awestruck look. Ragepelt hooked an arm around Sehun’s neck and drew him close.

“You are a soft thing, Honeypearl,” sighed Ragepelt. “Sometimes I want to wrap you in some blankets and keep you in my pocket.”

Sehun giggled.

“You won’t have to miss them for long,” said Skullmane. “If you don’t improve, you will be going home sooner than you think.”

He heard Golddust snort derisively.

“It does not matter if I improve or not,” Sehun muttered, hanging his head. “I am no soldier, and I know that. I will never be half as good as _half_ of you.”

“While that may be true,” said Asscrusher from across the table. “you should not stop trying.”

The back doors of the barracks flew open all of a sudden, and all heads turned to look at the Captain who strode into the feast hall, still clad in his fully laced uniform with his sword hanging at his side.

Sehun’s stomach began to turn into knots as he watched the man approach the table he was sitting at.

“Up,” ordered the Captain when he reached the table. While he did not look angry, he certainly looked annoyed.

Sehun blinked at him worriedly but rose to his feet, anyway.

“The training arena,” then spat the man as he turned on his heel and began to walk away. “Now.”

“Oh, no,” he heard Steelshout mutter under his breath.

Sehun hoped that this was not about his little outburst in the advisor’s study earlier today. As furious as Sehun had been at the man in that moment, the anger was now replaced with dread.

“Did you get into trouble with Strongstare?” asked Ragepelt, looking as if he were ready to spectate some dramatic scene.

Drawing a breath, Sehun steadied his mind and started toward the training arena, where he had spent most of the hours of the day at.

He shut the barracks doors behind him as he gazed ahead at the Captain, who was unlacing his overcoat, standing near the sword rack.

Swallowing, Sehun approached him. “Captain?” he called in a weak voice.

The man did not respond as he peeled the overcoat from his body and dropped it to the ground. The rolling the sleeves of his black shirt up to his elbows, he picked up a sword from the rack and turned around to face Sehun.

Although his heart almost leaped out of his chest when the sword was lobbed in his way, Sehun managed to catch its grip for once. He then looked up at the Captain confusedly.

“Swing,” the older man ordered, eyebrows drawn into a scowl.

Sehun glanced up at the night sky momentarily. It was speckled with so many clusters of stars tonight. Then he dropped his gaze to frown at the Captain.

“What?”

“I said, swing,” said the Captain again through his teeth.

Sehun licked his lips. “I… I am sorry for what I said in there. I know you are tired. You should not have to—”

“I have orders. Now, swing.” He sounded angry now.

Sehun hated looking at the man. But he could not stop either. He felt like a kicked puppy. He should have just kept his mouth shut. He could see the exhaustion in the man’s eyes, and he knew that the Captain still had to take care of his ill brother for the remainder of the night.

As he turned toward the wooden post, the Captain stopped him.

“At me,” he said. “Swing at me. If you can get my skin to break, we may retire for the night. So, the sooner you do it, the sooner we’ll get to bed.”

All blood drained from Sehun’s face. Learning how to wield a sword was one thing. Hurting someone with it was another. And that someone being the Captain of the King’s Guard was even worse.

He looked at the other man sadly. “I don’t… want to,” he muttered, in spite of wanting to hurt the Captain several times before.

“You don’t _want_ to?” spat the man, teeth clenched, and jaw locked. “It’s a command, boy. You are not a lord here. You are a soldier, and I am your Captain. If you think you can tell me what you want or don’t want to do here, you might as well pack your belongings and go back to your little golden shell right this moment.”

It was the most words Sehun had heard the man say in one breath.

He tightened his hand around the sword and stood in proper stance. He did not want to swing at the Captain, but he also knew that he had no other option.

When he swung, however, his swing was short and weak, even though he had managed just fine when he was practising at the wooden post.

The Captain did not even flinch, having probably known that the blade would not even reach him with a short swing like that. But something about the indifference in his expression made Sehun lunge at him again, this time with a stronger swing.

It had the Captain taking a step back as he dodged the blow almost effortlessly. Sehun swung again without hesitating, convinced that he would never get a cut on the man. That was when the Captain shifted to the side as his hand flung up to seize Sehun’s wrist. Twisting it in his grip, he disarmed Sehun immediately and caught the sword as it slipped from Sehun’s fingers.

Tossing the grip of the sword in his hand, the Captain arched an eyebrow at him. “Is that all you learned in two weeks?” he asked Sehun.

“I learned what I was taught,” Sehun spat then.

“You were taught only what you will be able to learn,” the man snapped back, and swung the sword. Sehun gasped and almost ducked as the blade was launched at it. It stopped with an inch to slicing through a side of his neck.

He panted, chest heaving and heart galloping like a maddened horse. He then looked at the sword in the Captain’s grip. It was steady, unwavering like a stagnant water surface. Only years of experience and a certain talent for swordsmanship could gift a man with this sort of aptitude.

Sehun hung his head. “I’m sorry,” he said again. This time, he was apologizing for something completely different. “You were… right. I am… wasting your time.” He glanced toward the Captain’s Hovel and sighed. “I’m sorry about… what I did to your brother.”

The sword was lowered then.

He looked up at those green eyes that were staring back at him. Letting out a rough breath, the Captain flipped the sword in his hand and held its grip out to Sehun.

“Try again,” he said.

Taking hold of the sword, Sehun calmed his breaths and advanced toward the Captain, who dodged the first two blows simply by dodging them. However, when Sehun swung for the third time, the man drew his broadsword and blocked the blow.

Sehun winced as their blades clashed with a thunderous clang shortly before he lost his grip on his sword and dropped it.

“Pick it up,” the Captain ordered, but he sounded less hostile now.

Picking it up, Sehun tried again. And again. And again.

Until he was certain that his feet could not longer carry his weight. He dropped to his knees and gasped for air, bathed in sweat. He hated that the other man did not have a hair out of place, although he looked weary.

“We’ll try again tomorrow,” the man then said. “You will train with Skullmane in the morning and with me at night.”

Sheathing the broadsword, the Captain picked up his overcoat and started for his hovel.

* * *

“What did he say to you last night?” asked Ragepelt, leaning against a post with his arms crossed over his chest the next morning while he waited for his shift to start, watching Sehun struggling to move the boulder from one end of the arena to the other, as per Skullmane’s instruction. She said that it would help build his arm muscles and train him to have a better stamina.

“It’s none of our business,” said Skullmane.

“Honeypearl’s business is my business now,” said the bearded man. “What did Strongstare want?”

“He taught me… to swordfight,” Sehun grunted, shoving the boulder with every ounce of strength he had in his body, feet planted firmly into the ground. “He said that he would… teach me again… tonight.”

“The Captain?” rasped Ragepelt. “He’s giving you private lessons?”

Golddust and the other noble guards-in-training stopped whatever they were doing to gawk in Sehun’s way.

Pausing for a moment, Sehun wiped the sweat from his forehead and sighed. “Yes. The Prince ordered.”

“What?” spat Golddust as he stomped over to Sehun. “Why do you always the special treatment?”

“I would not call it ‘special’,” Sehun grumbled. He would give anything to stop this from happening. He did not want to spend another night with the Captain breathing down his neck.

“Wow. I wonder how you managed to wrap the Crown Prince and the Captain of the King’s Guard around your finger,” said Golddust.

Sehun scowled at him and whatever that he was insinuating. “If you want it so bad, why don’t you ask the Captain to train you, too?”

Golddust shoved him back then. Some of the guards began to chant, “Fight, fight, fight, fight!” around them.

That was when the bells in the towers were sounded. Alarmed for an instant, Sehun glanced at Ragepelt and Skullmane, who looked curious but did not seem to be unnerved. So, it could not be a threat.

“What is happening?” Sehun asked. The other guards-in-training also looked confused.

“Someone is at the gates,” said Ragepelt. “Must be someone important.” As he pulled away from the post and picked up his spear, Sehun went after him.

“Someone important?”

In spite of Skullmane ordering the guards-in-training to stay put, everyone trailed behind Ragepelt out of the arena and the barracks. Approaching the bailey, Ragepelt halted them.

Sehun rose to the tip of his toes to get a good look at the gates. He saw mounted horses. And as the gates opened, the guards bowed at the men who reined their horses into the bailey.

“Shit,” Ragepelt let out. “Get back to the barracks.” With the order, he pulled his helmet on and started toward the men who had entered the bailey.

Although the others heeded the order, Sehun stood stock-still, gawking at the incomers. At length, he ran toward the corridor so that he could get a better view.

His heartbeat was pulsating in his ears as he raced through the corridor. Coming to an abrupt halt, he peeked over the pillars and felt his chest clench when he caught a sight of the golden-haired man immediately.

Reining the horses to a stop, Alvar and his men dismounted them.

“Your Highness,” gasped a guard, bowing to the man. “We were not expecting you.”

“Where is the Queen Regent? I must see her forthwith,” said Alvar. Sehun’s breath died for a moment. It had not been all that long since he had seen the man. Even so, seeing him all of a sudden put him a trance. He held onto the pillar and bit his tongue. It was all that he could do to not to run into Alvar’s arms right that instant and kiss him. “Tell her that I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but a trouble down south needs her attention at once.”

Before he stepped into the palace, Halwert made his way out and welcomed the Prince with open arms. “This is a surprise, Prince Alvar,” said the old man, bowing to him. “You could have sent us a missive of your visit. We would have prepared a celebration.”

“I am not here for a celebration, Halwert,” said Alvar, sounding a little tired from the ride. He removed the gloves from his hands and started for the palace entrance. “Where is my brother?”

“He is being informed of your arrival as we speak, Your Highness,” said the advisor. “What is the matter? You seem troubled. What caused this sudden ride for Skairon, Your Grace?”

“Border skirmishes,” said the Prince. “Let us talk inside.”

As much as Sehun wanted to follow them into the palace, he stood his ground and clasped a hand to his mouth. Alvar was here. God, he was here!

 

 

# C H A P T E R   F I V E

 

 

 

He tried to relax and stay calm. Instead, he found himself pacing a hole in the floor of the hallways, wandering up and down the staircases restlessly. After hours of not succeeding in finding Alvar, he decided to head back to the barracks.

“Where were you?” demanded Skullmane when he walked up to her in the training arena.

Shaking his head, he said, “I’m sorry. I just got… distracted for a moment.”

Skullmane pulled a face but did not press him for more. “Well, get back to your practice.”

Sehun did not manage to stay focused as he blew through the rest of his routine. He could not wait to be done with the day so that he could go looking for Alvar.

He could not believe that the man he loved was right here, even though it felt like it was only yesterday when he had last touched the man.

Later that day, when he sat down in the feast hall for dinner, he could barely sit still as he nervously tapped his foot on the ground. Would Alvar come looking for him? He knew Sehun was here. Perhaps it would be better if Sehun waited until the Prince sent someone for him. That would be more romantic, would it not?

God, Sehun was such a sap.

“Ragepelt,” called one of the guards when the man returned to the barracks.

Plumping on a bench, Ragepelt removed his helmet and grabbed a tankard of ale before draining its content. “You would not believe what is happening in there,” he said.

Skullmane glanced at him sharply. “What is happening?” she inquired.

Ragepelt exhaled heavily and scratched his head, tousling his scraggly hair. “Prince Alvar is here,” he said. Sehun’s heart skipped a beat at the name.

“Yeah, I heard,” said Skullmane.

“Why is he here all of a sudden?” asked another guard.

“I am not sure, but it does not look like he is here for one big orgy,” said Ragepelt, chugging down another tankard of ale. “I bet Strongstare would know what’s he doing here.”

“Can’t we ask him?” asked one of the guards-in-training.

“Why would he tell _you_ anything, Mousefeet?” Ragepelt scoffed.

“It must be something important,” said Skullmane.

Much later, Sehun waited alone in the dark of the night in the training arena. He wanted to run back to the palace and look for Alvar. But he knew better than to cause a scene and attract attention to himself when he was around Alvar. So, he waited for the Captain in the training arena.

He was not sure if the Captain would show up, however. After almost a couple of hours of waiting, he let out a heavy sigh and glanced over to the Captain’s Hovel. The door was open.

Sehun noticed a silhouette slouching on the doorstep. Rising to his feet, he walked over to the hovel and paused in his pace when he spotted Reyan perched on the step with his chin planted in his hands and an upset pout on his lips. He looked mad.

Sehun cleared his throat to make his presence known. The boy raised his head and looked to Sehun. His eyes narrowed even more, and he scowled harder.

“Go away,” he spat at Sehun.

Sehun rubbed his shoulder and took a step forward instead. “Hey,” he said.

Reyan hissed at him like an animal, as though to scare Sehun away. “I don’t like you!”

“I’m not going to hurt you again,” Sehun told him, frowning. “I promise.”

Reyan fell quiet then, although he continued to look at Sehun like he was expecting him to pounce at any moment.

Swallowing, Sehun advanced another step closer. “Are you… waiting for your brother?”

The boy slowly nodded his head. There were both sadness and frustration in his expression. “I’m hungry.”

“And you do not eat without him?”

Reyan shook his head, hanging it.

“He must be busy,” said Sehun.

Reyan dropped his chin back into his hands. “He’s always busy. Sometimes, he is gone for weeks, and then he comes back without the sweetmeats I asked for. But I cannot even yell at him because he comes home with wounds and cuts. So, I feel bad for him. I just hate it when he makes me wait. He did not tell me that he was going to be late.”

It was hard to take the boy seriously. He was almost around Sehun’s age. Yet, he sounded as childish as Ciana and Taina when they were ten years old.

Sehun sighed. “I’m sorry,” he muttered at length. “I should not have… hit you the other day. I had… misunderstood you.”

Reyan did not look like he cared about what Sehun was telling him. He seemed too upset about his brother to be distracted by anything else.

“I can… go look for him, if you want,” said Sehun.

That perked the boy up at once. “Will you?” he rasped.

“I will try.”

“Then will you tell him to come back quick? I am very hungry.”

“Of course,” Sehun murmured and turned around. He paused to glance back at the boy. In that moment, he resented the Captain a little for making the boy wait. He could have at least sent someone to tell Reyan that he would be late.

As he wended his way into the palace, some of the palace guards smiled at him. Sehun recognized them from the barracks. Although the King’s Guard did not always hang around the palace guards, in spite of living in the same quarters, they usually gathered in the same feast hall during meals. That made it easier to get to know each other.

It was a relief. The guards no longer looked at Sehun like he was a mystery.

“Where are you off to at this hour, Honeypearl?” asked one of the palace guards when Sehun walked past him in the hallway.

Sehun’s heart fluttered when the guard called him by his nickname. He was overjoyed by the fact that the name had also stuck to palace guards.

“I am looking for Captain Aaden,” he said.

“Oh. I believe he is upstairs in Prince Fredegar’s study,” said the guard.

Sehun smiled at him. “Thank you.”

“No problem at all.”

It was strange. The instant the King’s Guard had accepted him, everyone else seemed to look at all the things that once made Sehun peculiar with endearment now.

Perhaps he could belong here after all.

As he made his way upstairs, he could not shake the jitteriness from his stride. Alvar was under the same roof as him. It both excited and unnerved him.

When he reached the study, the guards standing by the doors pinned him with a surprised look. “Are you here to see the Prince?” asked one of them without a hint of condescension in his tone.

Sehun shook his head. “Is the Captain in there?” he inquired.

“He is,” said the other guard. “But we cannot let anyone in. Orders.”

Sehun sighed. “Can I wait out here, then?”

Before the guards could answer, the doors of the study swung open and Prince Fredegar stepped out with bloodshot eyes and veins protruding in a side of his neck. He did not notice Sehun as he hurriedly stomped away with his hands balled into fists. Sehun could not tell if the Prince were furious or just tired.

Right behind him followed the Captain. Sehun lurched forward at once. “Captain,” he gasped.

The Captain halted to turn around and blink at Sehun in disbelief. Sehun waited a moment for the man to ask him what he was doing there. But Aaden only stared at him with his brows furrowed. Sehun noticed that he had trimmed his beard. It was a lot thicker yesterday.

Clearing his throat, Sehun blurted out, “Your brother is waiting for you. He says that he is hungry.”

He then took note of how the man clenched his jaw before he spun around and walked away. Sehun realized that this was not the right time. Something was wrong. Both the Captain and Prince Fredegar had looked disgruntled about something.

“Guard him. Day and night. Do not leave his side even for a moment,” he heard the Captain order the guards, who hurtled after the Prince at once.

Exhaling heavily, Sehun turned to the study when he saw someone else walking out it.

His knees turned wobbly almost immediately as his breathing seized, heartbeat stopping for a while.

Alvar stepped into the hallway, a few feet away from Sehun with a gentle, complacent smile playing on his lips. If there had been no guards around, Sehun would have thrown himself onto the man. Or at least, that was what he thought. He had been thinking that he would throw himself onto the man since he first started crushing on him at the age of thirteen. He never really had the courage to do it, though.

He waited for the Prince to say something with bated breath. But Alvar only licked his smirking lips and eyed Sehun from head to toe.

“Y-Your Highness,” Sehun finally let out, tilting his head forward.

The Prince gave a subtle nod of his head and started toward the stairs. As he climbed up to the upper level, Sehun felt his blood drum in his ears, his breathing shallow and difficult.

He eventually forced his feet to move and followed the direction Alvar had gone into. When he reached the top of the stairs, he found Alvar giving out orders to his men. As the guards disappeared down the hall, the Prince glanced over to Sehun and pinned him with a sultry look that made Sehun weak.

He then held a door open and waited. Sehun dragged himself forward and stopped for a brief moment when he passed Alvar.

“I did not think I’d see you here so soon,” he whispered, almost raising a hand to the Prince’s chest.

He stared into the two pools of cool eyes that were looking down at him with a hint of lust. He wanted to run his fingers along the man’s bearded jaw and nuzzle into his haired chest.

And then Alvar brought a hand to a side of Sehun’s waist to usher him into the chamber.

Sehun bit his lip as the Prince shut the door behind them. Alvar then brushed past him to remove his riding raiment. For a moment, Sehun wondered if Alvar would ask him about his stay here in Skairon. Or perhaps he would just drop everything and rush to Sehun’s side to kiss him until they ran out of breath.

 But then Alvar broke the silence between them with the question, “What have you learned since you got here?”

Sehun was not sure what he was referring to. So, instead of answering, he said, “How long are you staying?”

Alvar froze for a stretch. Then he turned around and cocked his head at an angle to stare at Sehun. Even in the dark, Sehun could see the gleam in Alvar’s eyes.

“Not for long,” he replied in a gruff voice, closing the distance between him and Sehun. “What is it, my love?” he whispered then, raising his hands to cup Sehun’s face. He gently swiped his thumbs along Sehun’s cheekbones, tilting his head and barely brush his lips upon Sehun’s.

Sehun weakly leaned against him, pressing his hands to Alvar’s chest, parting his lips as their breaths mingled.

But then Alvar pulled away. “Has your loyalty swayed so soon?” he asked, smiling.

Sehun blinked. “What?”

“Or am I still your… King?”

Sehun’s mouth turned dry. “I… I don’t know anything,” he admitted, recalling the promise he had made the man he loved.

“I see,” said Alvar. “Perhaps you haven’t tried enough.” He took hold of Sehun’s chin and tilted his head to a side to press a firm kiss to Sehun’s cheek before he backed away completely to remove his shirt. “Perhaps you need more of a motivation.”

“I do not understand… what you want me to do,” Sehun said sadly. He was disappointed in the way Alvar was treating him at the moment. His heart broke at the fact that the man would not even kiss him.

“I think you do,” he said as he poured himself a cup of wine. Taking a sip, he said, “You are a smart boy. You know what I want. You know what to do.”

He was right. Sehun did know what the man wanted. Perhaps he had never explicitly acknowledged it. But he knew. He knew when he called Alvar his King.

“What can _I_ do?” he asked, crossing the room to reach Alvar. “How could I… get you what you want? I’m… a nobody here.” He was a nobody everywhere.

He looked up at the man with glistening eyes. Alvar was silent. Then caressing Sehun’s cheek with the back of his fingers, the Prince smiled down at him.

“You are not wrong,” he said. Even though his voice was low, his tone sounded jarringly harsh. Sehun frowned deeper, feeling as though he had let the Prince down somehow. “I know many people who would do anything to prove their loyalty. Now, I do not doubt your love, I’m not sure if I can trust you, my love.”

That stung. “You can trust me,” Sehun rasped, almost pleading. “I will never betray you.”

Alvar smiled. “The night is getting old. It will be a long day for both of us tomorrow.”

Sehun understood what that meant. The Prince was not going to indulge him anymore for the night. It was upsetting as it was shocking. Sehun drew away from the man, hanging his head.

“I will take my leave then, Your Highness,” he muttered.

Alvar did not stop him as he slowly ambled out of the chamber. When he reached his own room, he dropped onto his pallet and wept silently into his pillow. He did not quite know what made him so miserable. Perhaps it was the fact that he had been so excited to see Alvar again, and he was dismissed so apathetically.

* * *

“What is happening?” Sehun asked Skullmane when he showed up in the training arena only to find all the guards and the guards-in-training gathered.

When Skullmane turned to him, she looked at him strangely. “Why is your face all bloated?” she asked.

Sehun chewed on his lip and rubbed an eye on the back of his hand. “I might be a little deprived of sleep.” It was not just that. He had also been crying all night. When he woke up this morning, he almost marched up to Alvar’s chambers and apologized for letting him down. He wanted to promise the man that he would do better. He would do anything to get him what he wanted.

He found Ragepelt and the others in the crowd, too.

“Oh, Honeypearl,” rasped Ragepelt. The sun had barely come up. Why was everyone up and gathered, Sehun wondered.

“What is going on?” Sehun asked the man innocently.

“Strongstare commanded an early morning assembly. We’re all rallied up for an announcement, I think. It can’t be good news.”

“It must have something to do with Prince Alvar’s stopover,” said Steelshout.

“I heard the Queen Regent is gathering her court,” said Asscrusher. “Has to be something big if it has her concerned.”

That was when Bonemight chimed in. “I overheard some of the guards talking about some border skirmishes. That’s why the eldest Prince is here. Trouble in his dominion.”

Sehun realized that the guards in the palace gossiped a lot.

“Well, can’t he take care of that himself?” asked Steelshout.

“He does not have an army,” said Ragepelt. “And he certainly does not own the authority to order a counterattack. I doubt that whoever that is causing the trouble would take the word of a bastard Prince seriously.”

“Ragepelt,” Skullmane hissed at him, shaking her head as a warning. “Watch your words. He is notorious for having eyes and ears everywhere. You would not want to wake up one day and realize that your head is no longer attached to your body, would you?”

Ragepelt huffed exasperatedly but fell quiet.

Sehun shuddered. He was not sure why Skullmane said what she said, but he knew Alvar would not do such a thing. He wished he could defend the man’s honour out loud with pronounced certainty. But he held his tongue, understanding that this might not be the place for it. These men were loyal to Prince Fredegar. Or at least they were loyal to their Captain and Commander, who was loyal to the reigning monarch. He still remembered when Ragepelt told him that he would follow the Captain into a dozen wars. And he knew Skullmane would forever be grateful to the man who gave her a second life. For as long as Aaden Ragnavor was loyal to Prince Fredegar, the throne and the army belonged to the Crown Prince.

Sehun wondered if it were just honour and duty that held the Captain steadfast. Prince Fredegar was the one true heir of Skyborn. But apart from that, Sehun failed to see any qualities that would make him a good King.

He drew himself out of his conduit of thoughts when he spotted the Captain at the front. It was fascinating how even amongst so many big, brutal-looking men, Aaden was able to stand out like a lone, scintillating star.

Sehun rarely referred to the man by his name, even in the privacy of his thoughts, without the title. But Aaden was a tough name. A good name for a good man.

Was he a good man? As far as Sehun knew, Aaden Ragnavor was a good man. He always had few words to say. He kept his orders brief and to the point. He had a brother he cared about dearly. He served the crowned head tried and true. He probably had some blood on his hands, though. No man could climb up to his position without blood on his hands. But Sehun doubted that he had any filth on them. In the beginning, he thought that the man had temper issues. But he was wrong. Aaden was patient. He was brutally honest, but he was not an impatient man. Except when it came to his little brother. But Sehun would do anything for his sisters, too.

Would he follow Aaden Ragnavor into a dozen wars, he wondered. Would the Captain serve Alvar if he were King instead of his half-brother?

“The palace guards,” Captain Aaden said, his voice booming across the arena. “are summoned here to be informed that their shifts are doubled for the next month. In my absence, the Ancillary Captain of the Palace Guard will be in command.”

“In his absence?” Asscrusher whispered.

“The King’s Guard!” the Captain then exclaimed. “The first division will remain on palace grounds, guarding the Queen Regent. The second division will accompany me for the next month as first line of defence for His Highness, the Crown Prince of Slavaria, Fredegar Skyborn, the first of his name, on his journey to Awein.”

Murmurs wove through the crowd then.

“Did he just say Awein?” hissed Ragepelt. “The south? Oh, my fucking granddaddy.”

Skullmane closed her eyes for a moment. “He is going to the border,” she muttered.

“And taking us with him,” groaned Steelshout.

“We ride for Awein in five days. Prepare for the journey forthwith.” With that order, the Captain left the arena.

Sehun turned to the others again with a frown. “Are you the second division?” he asked them.

“Unfortunately, yes,” said Asscrusher. “We’re the best… which is why we guard the precious cargo and not his mother.”

“Will the guards-in-training go with you?” asked Sehun.

“You heard the man,” said Skullmane. “You and the others will remain here.”

Sehun’s frown deepened. He did not want to be left behind.

* * *

At nightfall, during supper, Sehun was quiet at the table he was sitting at. The other guards were engaged in a heated discussion about what to expect on their forthcoming journey.

“Captain!” someone gasped when the man walked into the feast hall. “Why are we heading south to Awein? The men are curious.”

Aaden said nothing as he made his way to his usual table at the corner of the hall and plumped down before he helped himself to the food.

Ragepelt shot up to his feet and walked over to the table. The others followed, Sehun stayed put. “Captain, do you mind telling us what’s going on?” he asked Aaden.

Swallowing a mouthful of ale, the Captain looked up at the rest. “We have orders,” the man said monotonously. “Prince Alvar will set forth for south first. We will catch up with him at the encampment in the Ruins of Aerth.”

“What awaits us in the south?” asked Asscrusher.

“Hopefully, not much,” said the Captain tiredly. “We are simply escorting Prince Fredegar safely to Awein and back to Skairon.”

“So, we are not expecting a fight of any sort?” asked Ragepelt, sounding a little disappointed.

“We are not,” he sighed and took another swig of his ale. “But it does not mean we should not be prepared for it. It is impossible to be too chary on the borders.”

“The Queen Regent will be safe here. But is it really a good idea for the Crown Prince to journey south with his coronation only a few moons away?” asked Skullmane.

“The negotiations will not be taken seriously unless the Prince shows himself there. The King of Taitenia would not negotiate with an envoy,” said the Captain. “It is a good opportunity for Prince Fredegar to display his diplomatic competencies.”

“If he has any,” said Ragepelt.

The Captain looked up at him with a scowl.

“Sorry, Captain.” Ragepelt scratched his head. “We are with you. Without a shadow of a doubt.”

Aaden rose from the table eventually and turned to the table some of the guards-in-training were sitting at. “You four,” he said gruffly, looking to Golddust and his three companions. “You will be going with us. So, get your armours and weapons from the armoury.”

Golddust shot up to his feet and stood with his chest puffed out. “It will be an honour, Captain!” he gasped.

Aaden said nothing more as he started for the exit. He paused in his way to glance over to Sehun. With their gazes locked for a moment, the man squared his shoulders before he walked out of the feast hall.

Dusting the breadcrumbs from his lap, Sehun stood up and meandered out to the training arena, where the Captain awaited him.

“I could not be here last night,” the man said.

Sehun gnawed at his lip and approached the Captain with his eyes slightly lowered. “I know you were at work, Captain. I think your brother was more upset.”

Captain Aaden exhaled heavily, rubbing his temples. “He told me that… you spoke with him.”

“I owed him an apology,” Sehun muttered and looked into those piercing eyes. “I have… something to ask of you.”

Even though he outranked Aaden by birthright, he did not know why he felt so small every time he stood before the man. The Captain waited for Sehun to proceed.

Sehun nervously took a step forward. “I… want to go with you and the others to Awein,” he said anxiously.

The Captain blinked and cocked an eyebrow at him.

When he did not say anything in reply for a long time, Sehun said, “I know I’m not a soldier, but I will not be much help here either.”

“You are not a fighter,” he said and turned his back to Sehun to take off his overcoat. “You can’t even wield a sword right.”

“Skullmane is going. And she’s not even a guard.”

“I know that she will be of more use there than here.”

“Golddust is going.”

“Golddust can handle himself in a fight.”

“You said we are not expecting a fight,” Sehun blurted out. “Please. I will not be in your way. I could… help out with something.”

“Like what?” He sounded disinterested.

Sehun frowned. “Do you hate me?”

That paralyzed the Captain for a length as he let his overcoat slip from his fingers. Then he turned around and faced Sehun with a black look.

“Pick up a sword,” he ordered.

Sehun gaped at him in disbelief. The moment he advanced another step toward the man, he noticed the way Aaden clenched and loosened his right hand, his jaw set tight.

“I do not have all night, kid,” he spat.

 _Kid_? Kid?!

“I want to go,” Sehun said with a sharp breath, glaring up at the taller man.

“You have an order.”

“What if I do not heed it?” he asked, taking one more step forward. He stopped when Aaden withdrew a step. Then as though he had realized that he had just retreated from Sehun, the Captain cleared his throat.

“If you do not want to heed orders, then you should not have come here,” he snarled back.

“If you are not going to let me come along, then perhaps I will turn to one of the Princes for a favour,” Sehun said threateningly.

That was when Aaden’s expression shifted completely. He stared at Sehun for one long moment before he said, “If anything happens to you, I will be held accountable for it.”

“Then you can make sure nothing happens to me,” Sehun hissed. “You are a competent Captain, aren’t you?”

He heard the man swear under his breath as he looked away, glowering.

Heaving a sigh, Sehun said, “I will cause you less trouble than Golddust. I promise.”

Glimpsing Sehun’s pathetic face again, the Captain shook his head. “Suit yourself,” he said. “If you step out of line or slow us down, I will not even _consider_ letting you stay any longer.”

Sehun grinned at once. “Thank you… Captain.”

Rolling his eyes, Aaden drew his sword. “Grab a sword.”

For the next few hours, Sehun did not mind all the instances he stumbled or missed. He was about to go on an adventure. Even though it would not be the most exciting adventure, it would still be something he had never done before.

When he lunged at Aaden with a tight grip on the sword for the fourth time, the Captain blocked the blow with his broadsword before he caught Sehun’s wrist and yanked him forward.

All air was knocked out of Sehun’s lungs when he crashed against the Captain’s rock-hard chest. Releasing Sehun’s wrist, Aaden’s hand darted up to wrap around Sehun’s neck, his thumb pressing into a pulse point.

Sehun fought for breath, gawking up at the other man in horror.

“You move too slow,” said the Captain in a rough, shallow breath, keeping the hand curled around Sehun’s neck. Their chests were still pressed together, their heartbeats thundering against one another.

Sehun was not sure he was even listening. His fingers relaxed on his weapon. His throat was parched, his mouth dry.

And then Aaden’s fingers loosened around Sehun’s neck as his eyes bore into Sehun’s. His thumb then gently swiped over Sehun’s cheekbone, where his hand had once left a nasty bruise.

Sehun froze, eyes wide and horrified. The Captain had a rough hand, his fingers callused with blistered and hardened skin. His touch almost hurt.

Then as though he were suddenly slapped back to reality, the Captain flinched away, curling his hand into a fist. Sehun also stepped away as a flush rose to his cheeks.

“You… need to work more on your stance and reflexes,” the older man said in a struggled voice, as though there were a lump in his throat. “That is enough for tonight. Get some rest. I cannot teach you for the coming days. I have to oversee the preparations for the journey.”

He did not wait for Sehun’s response. Sheathing his sword, the man grabbed his overcoat before he wended his way toward his hovel. Sehun waited idly, watching Aaden push open the door of the hovel. He paused in the doorway to glance back at Sehun for a while before he shut the door.

* * *

Ragepelt was left in charge of the preparation for the journey they would soon embark on. Within two days, wagons were brought to the courtyard to be loaded with the necessities of the journey. Sehun stood by and wondered why the King’s Guard were loading swords and other forms of weapons when their Captain had promised them no fight. It could not hurt to be prepared, he figured. Rations and food supplies were soon gathered and loaded, too.

In the evenings, most of the King’s Guard went missing to be debriefed by the Captain and to discuss travelling strategies. During dinner one night, Sehun was happy to see Ragepelt and the others again.

When he rushed to Ragepelt’s side, the man faced him with a wide grin, even though he looked exhausted. Hooking an arm around Sehun’s neck, the guard said, “Did you miss me, Honeypearl?”

Sehun nodded his head and chuckled a little.

Skullmane beckoned them over to her table. “Any news?” she asked Ragepelt.

Tearing into a slab of buck meat, Ragepelt shrugged.

Asscrusher spoke then. “We will be on the roads only until we reach the borders of Doria. Thereon, we trail through the woods. Strongstare thinks it will deter any surprises.”

“It’s a good plan,” drawled Ragepelt with a full mouth. None of them seemed to mind that they were discussing the travel plans in Sehun’s presence. “We must keep it to ourselves. Strongstare does not want any of our plans to get away from the barracks.”

“It could be a good change of scenery for once,” said Steelshout, huffing heavily. “We could even find some pretty southern ladies.”

“And when we do, I’m going to fuck every single one of them,” roared Ragepelt before he guzzled a whole bottle of ale.

* * *

Sehun caught Reyan bolting across the courtyard the next morning. The boy was playing with himself, running in circles, laughing and scowling at nothing.

“Reyan?” Sehun called at once point.

The boy came to a halt and looked in his way. His laughter died as he started to scowl. “What do you want?” he asked angrily.

“What are you playing?” he asked.

Reyan pursed his lips for a moment, refusing to make conversation, even though Sehun smiled at him. Then at length, he spat, “You have weird hair.”

Sehun reflexively ran a hand through his flaming red hair then. It was getting longer. “Oh. Wait here. I’ve got something for you.”

Reyan’s eyes widened with curiosity. “Something for me?”

Sehun turned on his heel and raced back to his room. Retrieving the emerald medallion from his trunk, he returned to Reyan, who was waiting impatiently by the well.

His face immediately lit up when he noticed the medallion in his Sehun’s hand. His eyes sparkled just the way they had when they first saw the medallion on the day Sehun had slapped the boy.

“Here,” Sehun said, handing the medallion over to Reyan.

Grabbing it, the boy gasped happily. “It’s so pretty!”

“You can have it.” He hoped it was enough to earn Reyan’s forgiveness.

But then Reyan’s lips twisted sadly. He held the medallion back out to Sehun. “I’m not pretty enough to wear it.”

Sehun blinked. “Of course, you are,” he rasped.

“No, I’m not!” the boy yelled at him furiously. “I am not pretty like you.” He hurled the medallion at Sehun’s chest before turning around and running away.

Sighing, Sehun picked the jewellery up from the ground and wiped the scintillating green gem.

* * *

In the midst of the haze of the preparations, Skullmane did not notice when Sehun slipped away around midday.

He wandered into the palace, hoping to see Alvar.

The other night, when he had begged the Captain to let him come along, he had not thought much about why he wanted to go so bad. Sure, he did not want to be left behind when the people he had gotten close to were doing something important. He had said that he would not do anyone any good if he stayed. Perhaps what he had unconsciously meant was that he would not do Alvar any good if he stayed behind.

Unlike the Crown Prince and the Queen Regent’s quarters, Alvar’s chambers were unguarded. Sehun started toward them with a heavy heart.

He stopped in the hallway when he saw a servant boy exit the Prince’s chambers, his clothes dishevelled, his hair a muss. His olive skin bore patches of red. He did not pay Sehun any heed as he hurried along the hallway.

Sehun could not move his feet for a long moment, blank thoughts swimming in his throbbing head.

He eventually advanced toward the chambers again. Raising a fist to the door, he paused with his ears ringing. He heard Alvar’s order to enter when he finally rapped his knuckles on the door.

Walking into the bedchamber, Sehun found the Prince perched on the edge of the bed, lacing up his shirt. His eyes then strayed to the rumpled sheets on the bed.

Alvar glanced to him without looking surprised. He even smiled. Sehun swallowed a sob that rose in his throat and blinked the brewing tears away at once.

Rising from the bed, the Prince picked up a winecup from the bedside table and emptied it. “You should not be coming into my chambers as you please, my love,” said the man nonchalantly. “It will start raising questions.”

Sehun fumbled with the hem of his shirt, staring at the faint sheen of sweat on the Prince’s neck. “I came to tell you that I will be journeying to the south with the Crown Prince.”

Alvar’s lips stretched into a wider smile. “Is that so?” He crossed the room and lifted a hand to cup a side of Sehun’s face. Clenching his eyes for a moment, Sehun leaned into his lover’s touch. “Well, that is wonderful.”

As his eyes fluttered open again, they stared into the Prince’s blue ones earnestly. “I had missed you,” he let out, hands clinging to Alvar’s shirt. What exactly did he miss about the man? He could not say.

Alvar only smiled. Sehun wondered if the man no longer found him alluring now that he was not covered in silks and rose powder and pearls. He pulled away from Sehun and stretched his arms over his head.

“I will leave tomorrow,” he said, turning his back to Sehun. “But perhaps we will see each other on the road.”

Sehun bit his lip then, realizing that the Prince did not know of the King’s Guard travelling plans. “Captain Aaden does not plan on taking the roads,” he blurted out.

Alvar went still for a while. Sehun felt his breathing quicken. Then slowly, the Prince turned around and met Sehun’s glassy gaze with a soft smile. “Of course, he isn’t,” he breathed out and closed the distance between them again. Taking Sehun’s face in his hands, he said, “The roads would get my brother to Awein faster.”

“He plans to escort Prince Fredegar through the woods from Doria,” Sehun muttered, splaying his fingers on Alvar’s chest.

“Hmm.” Alvar bowed his head and brushed his lips upon Sehun’s. The kiss was so brief that Sehun was almost offended by it. But he still hung onto the Prince’s shirt, looking up at him forlornly. “I had missed you, too,” he exhaled and kissed Sehun once more before he stepped back. “Perhaps we would have a good time on my land down south. Wouldn’t you want that? To see where I live? To stay with me for a while?”

Sehun nodded his head eagerly. “Y-Yes.”

“Good,” he said and licked his smiling lips. “You make me… so happy, my love.” With that, he took his leave.

Sehun stood still in the chamber for long, gathering his breaths before he made his way back to the barracks.

* * *

Alvar and his men rode south at first light. Sehun watched the man of his dreams mount his steed and ride past the gates at sunup.

As he strolled down the corridor with a taut pain in his chest, he asked himself if he were doing the right thing.

People did anything for love, did they not? They were only loyal to the ones they loved. What he was doing was not wrong, was it? He was only trying to make the man he loved happy and trust him. He wanted Alvar to trust him the most in the world. But at what cost?

He thought of the kiss from yesterday. Alvar had kissed him so tenderly that Sehun thought that he would not mind betraying a few more of the King’s Guard secrets to be kissed like that again.

Perhaps he was blinded by his love for the man. He did not want to hurt anyone. But he doubted that there was a way for Alvar to rise to the throne without getting the Queen Regent and Prince Fredegar out of his way. However, Sehun was certain Alvar would not harm his brother.

In the end, he decided that he did not care about those things. He would do what he needed to do in order to be with the man he was in love with.

He came to a standstill when he saw Prince Fredegar and his guards in the corridor.

“Your Grace,” he rasped and bowed before the Crown Prince.

“Ah,” said Prince Fredegar. “How have you been, Lord Sehun?”

He winced at the word ‘lord’. He no longer felt like a noble, dressed in these commoner clothes. It felt like it had been forever since he had last dolled up in all sorts of finery. The only thing that he was yet to forgo was his belly chain.

“I have been well, Your Grace,” Sehun answered, looking at the taller man with his heart in his mouth. He did not know Prince Fredegar very well. But he knew that the Prince would not stand around idly if he knew that his Guard had a mole in it.

“I heard that you insisted on tagging along on the journey,” said Prince Fredegar. “That is very brave of you. Your father will be proud to see you try so hard.”

Sehun blushed. “Thank you, Your Majesty.” Although he doubted that his father would ever be proud of him.

“Even Aaden now thinks that you have some potential.”

That took Sehun by surprise. “He… does?”

“You must have impressed him, and let me tell you, he is not an easy man to be impressed.” Prince Fredegar smiled at him. “Have you spoken to my brother during his stay here?”

Sehun’s breath caught in his throat then. He gulped, wondering if he should lie. He was not all that good at lying, but he was also not sure if telling the truth would prompt questions he did not want to answer.

“Yes, Your Grace,” he said in the end.

“He tells me that your father has become a good friend to him, so he was simply doing you a favour.” Although the faint smile continued to play on his lips, the Prince’s eyes narrowed. Sehun tried to keep his cool. “My brother never could resist a pretty face.”

Sehun’s heart began to hammer against his chest. “Your… Grace?” he let out.

Prince Fredegar chuckled softly. “But then again, I’m sure no one could resist _yours_. Even my mother is fond of you. She dearly hopes that you achieve what you’ve come here for.”

Sehun bowed his head. “I am honoured to hear that, Your Highness.”

“And I would very much like to see you succeed, too. You have wandered far from home. I hope you do not let it go to waste.”

Sehun could not tell if the young Prince’s intentions and words were sincere or not. For now, he decided not to question them.

Skullmane did not show up for his training that day. Most of the guards were absent, too. Only the guards-in-training were at the training arena. Golddust tossed a pithy insult in his way when he walked past the shorter boy.

He did not leave the arena even as the night fell. He was not sure if he wanted to be around anyone tonight. His head was muddled. His heart was torn. As much as he tried to convince himself that he was not doing anything wrong, he knew that he was, and he wanted to.

Was he a bad person…?

But it did not matter if he made Alvar happy. He was loyal to one man. To one King. He was not loyal to Prince Fredegar. He was not loyal to the King’s Guard. He was betraying no one.

He heard footsteps from where he sat on the ground in a corner of the training arena, scratching an edgy stone on the concrete floor.

When he raised his head, he saw Reyan, dropping to a crouch before him. Sehun flinched and stared at the boy with bulged out eyes.

“Reyan?” he gasped. “What are you doing out here?”

He knew that the boy never left the hovel after nightfall. His brother probably forbade him from doing it for his own safety.

The boy cocked his head to a side. “You look sad,” he remarked.

Sehun slumped harder against the wall he was leaning on. “Are you waiting for your brother?”

Reyan took a seat on the ground, folding his legs. “No. It’s still early,” he said. “He told me he is going away for some weeks.” He sniffled. “I am going to miss him. I do not like to stay with the caregivers.”

Sehun sighed. “My little sister doesn’t like her governess and caregivers either,” he said.

“You have a… little sister?”

Sehun nodded. “She’s the cutest.” He sat up straighter. “I have four other sisters.”

Reyan’s mouth fell open. “That’s a lot of sisters.”

“Yes,” Sehun chuckled. “But they are the sweetest. Well, not Kilah, though. She isn’t very ladylike.”

“Tell me more about them,” Reyan said. He sounded strangely interested. And then Sehun remembered that the boy liked stories.

So, he told him some. Like the time Kilah deliberately put salt in his tea instead of sugar. Reyan did not interrupt once while Sehun narrated. Neither of them noticed the time the passed by them.

“Now, why don’t you tell me a story?” asked Sehun.

Reyan frowned. “I don’t have any interesting stories.”

“What about a story about your brother?”

“He is not interesting either,” he murmured. They fell silent for a moment. Then Reyan said, “Are you… going along with the others?”

Sehun did not know how much Reyan knew, but he understood what he was referring to. “Yes,” he muttered.

“Will you keep an eye on my brother?” he asked.

Sehun only gawked at the boy, tongue-tied in that instant.

Reyan dropped his gaze, dragging a finger along the ground before him. “I hate it when he goes away,” he whispered. “I… want him to be safe.”

“I thought you did not like me.”

Reyan looked up at him with a glower then. “I do not.”

Sehun smiled. “Then how can you trust your brother’s safety with me?”

The boy scratched his head. “You’re right… I suppose—”

“Reyan.”

They both froze when they heard the harsh voice. Sehun then looked up at the Captain towering before him. When he grabbed his brother’s arm and yanked him up to his feet, Sehun also rose and dusted his pants.

“What are you doing out here?” Aaden hissed at Reyan.

“I was just… talking,” his little brother whimpered. “I’m sorry.”

“Get back inside. I will bring dinner in in a moment.”

As Reyan headed back for the hovel, Sehun lowered his head when the Captain turned to confront him. He felt his blood run cold. He wondered what the man would do to him if he knew that Sehun had betrayed his travelling plans to Alvar.

But he did not say anything as he turned for the feast hall. Sehun breathed again.

* * *

The morning of the day they were about to set forth on the journey was busy and noisy. Sehun had packed the things he needed in a knapsack. Skullmane had loaned him some new clothes to wear on the journey.

He had underestimated the number of people who would be accompanying the Prince. The King’s Guard aside, there were lackeys, wagon pullers, and a few members of the Crown Prince’s court. The group of at least forty people did not seem all that favourable to their discretion.

Jostling through the crowd, Sehun joined Ragepelt, Steelshout and Asscrusher, who were clad in armour. Skullmane behind them was not given a guard’s armour, but she wore a thick hide.

“Are you ready for an adventure, Honeypearl?” asked Ragepelt.

Sehun nodded his head. “A little.” Oh, he was very excited. He was more excited about getting to see Alvar again at the end of the journey.

“It’s a lot of walking,” Steelshout told him. “I hope your gentle feet are ready for it.”

Sehun no longer had gentle feet. They were now covered in blisters. He knew his mother would break into a sob if she saw them.

“I still think it is a bad idea for you to tag along,” said Skullmane. “It is not going to be easy. It’s weeks of journeying through harsh terrains and climates.”

Sehun knew it would be worse than what he imagined. But he was sure that if the skinny lackeys could handle it, he could, too. “I will be all right.”

He glanced ahead at the horses at the front. Prince Fredegar was mounted on one of them. Two other noblemen, probably from his court, were on two more horses. The standard-bearers holding the flags with the Skyborn sigil were also mounted. Only one black horse was unmanned, although it was also saddled and ready.

Then he saw Aaden mount the stallion in one graceful move before he reined the horse to turn to the rest of the King’s Guard. The man looked majestic, clad in his black uniform, seated on top of the black beast.

As soon as he gave out the orders, they began to move toward the gates. Sehun could barely contain his exhilaration. He had not even written to his family to inform them about him travelling south with the King’s Guard. He did not even know when he would be back. If he would be back…

 

 

 

# C H A P T E R   S I X

 

 

 

The heat of noontide licked against the back of his neck that was damp with sweat. This was harder than training. He had seriously misjudged his height of endurance.

When he glanced back, he could still see the tall buildings of Skairon. And yet, it felt as though they had marched a thousand miles.

He tried not to take any more rests, no matter the brevity of them. He had already fallen behind from the rest of the guards. Now, he was dawdling, almost dead on his feet, with the lackeys. Only the wagons were drawn slower than him.

He wondered if the company would stop to rest eventually. He was a little hungry, too. And very thirsty. He would not be if he had not drained his waterskin in the first two hours of the journey.

It was unlikely, however, that they would stop to rest on the roads.

“You’re falling behind already?”

Sehun jumped with a start when he heard Skullmane. “I know… I’m an embarrassment.”

“A big one,” she said and rolled her eyes. “Keep up.”

“How long until we reach Doria?” he asked.

“Just before sundown, if we keep with this pace,” she said, holding her waterskin out to Sehun.

Sehun looked at it with a frown. “I can’t… It’s yours.”

“There is no need for such sentiments. Just drink it,” she said it like it is an order.

Sehun did not object again as he accepted the waterskin and swallowed a mouthful of lukewarm water before handing the waterskin back to Skullmane.

“Next time, take my advice and save yourself some trouble,” she scoffed and marched ahead, shoving past the others.

Sehun sighed. He appreciated the fact that she came back there just to check on him, though.

Left with his thoughts again, he tried to distract himself with the memories of home. It had been a while since he left Novalon and his family. Did his father miss him? He probably did not. He must be happy for having gotten rid of the son that brought him shame. It had earned him the royal family’s adoration. This was a victory for him in every way. Even so, Sehun wanted the man to miss him. Just a little.

Did he miss his father, though?

Since he was a child, he had always longed to see some affection in his father’s eyes. Even a fraction of the affection he showed his daughters would have been wonderful. But ever since he realized that Sehun never wanted to be like the other boys, he only looked at him with contempt and chagrin.

He gazed up at the sky and squinted at the scorching sun. Then he looked ahead at the mounted horses at the front. Perhaps his father had a good reason to loathe him. Perhaps he saw the evil in Sehun when no one else did.

* * *

Once they had reached the borders of Doria, the company was led away from the roads and towards the forest that stretched expansively for as far as their vision could reach.

The path in the forest appeared to be facilitated for trekking in large groups. Though it was not as convenient as the roads to trudge on, it was not as bad as Sehun had expected it to be. This must be a path frequented by soldiers who travelled across the country.

Sehun watched his step, nonetheless. The only time he had ever been to a forest was when his father had dragged him along on a hunting trip. It had been his first and last time. He was not brought along again after he had broken into tears when he saw his father put an arrow through a wild boar. The boar’s shrill cry had haunted him for days.

The copses were not thick in this part of the woods. The path had no trees or protruding roots on it.

The sun was rapidly setting in the horizon, making way for the darkness of the evening. Torches were lit, and as soon as orders to stop were given out, tents were pitched, and campfires were built.

Sehun looked at the two tents and realized that they were for the Prince and the other nobles. He then saw Prince Fredegar being escorted into a tent by the Captain. They seemed to be engaged in a serious conversation, which had the Prince scowling.

A little later, Sehun joined Skullmane, Ragepelt, Bonemight, Asscrusher and the other four guards-in-training around a campfire. The fire was not meant to keep them warm. The night was a warm enough. It was to keep the forest animals away.

He was handed three slices of ryebread and some pieces of dried figs. He ate them heartily while listening the guards talk. Golddust was glowering at him from where he was sitting.

“I do not understand why there is a border skirmish all of a sudden,” said Skullmane. “Taitenia and Slavaria have been agreeing on their borders forever.”

“Which is why it’s urgent,” said Ragepelt. “Strongstare said that the Queen Regent wants to put a stop to it before it becomes worse. We do not want to aggravate the King of Taitenia by insulting him with an envoy or an invitation.”

“The timing seems perfect, that’s all,” said Asscrusher, rubbing his tattooed forehead before he quaffed some ale. “It has only been a few moons since our King died. It makes sense to cause a commotion during an interregnum.”

“Strongstare is right to have his suspicion about this whole thing,” said Ragepelt. “Something smells fishy. We ought to keep a peeled eye out for the unexpected.”

Sehun listened carefully then.

“What is the Captain’s suspecting?” asked Golddust.

“He didn’t say,” spat Ragepelt. “And it does not concern you, Golddust.”

“I want to be in the King’s Guard. It does concern me,” said the boy furiously.

“That’s the spirit,” Ragepelt scoffed.

While Sehun licked his fingers once he was done eating, Bonemight placed one of his own dried figs on Sehun’s lap. The big man even managed a small smile.

“You’re too skinny,” he said. “Eat more.”

Flushing red, Sehun muttered, “Thank you.” He picked the fig up and ate it. When he raised his head again, he was surprised to find the Captain walking toward them.

“Break time is over. Guard the perimeter and stay close to the Prince’s tent,” he ordered gruffly when he stopped by the campfire.

Heeding his order at once, the King’s Guard shot up and dispersed. The Captain glared at the guards-in-training who had not received an order.

“You were not brought along to sit around the fire and sing ditties,” he snapped at them harshly.

Golddust jolted up to his feet. “What will you have us do, Captain?” he asked.

“Assist the other guards and guard the wagons and the supplies.” With that, Aaden strode back to the Prince’s tent.

* * *

Unlike the other guards-in-training, Sehun did not own an armour or a weapon. So, he stayed close to the wagons. While some of the guards took the first watch, the rest settled on the ground with some blankets.

Perching on a wheel of the wagon, Sehun leaned back on it and wondered if he could manage to sleep on the ground. The loam looked damp. But these men did not care. Sehun had never slept on the ground before.

Well, there was always a first time for everything, he supposed. Besides, he could fall asleep standing up. Tomorrow would be an even longer and harder walk. He needed a good night’s rest.

He picked up a roll of blanket from the wagon and started for the ground where some of the guards were sleeping on.

Skullmane was right. He never should have come. He had foolishly fantasized it to be an adventure, when in reality, he was as useless over here as he was back at the palace.

He thought about what Ragepelt had said earlier about the Captain having his suspicion about the whole thing. Like Golddust, Sehun also wanted to know what the man was apprehensive about.

Everything would be a lot easier if Aaden were a friendly man, who was easy to approach.

Think of the devil and he shall appear. Sehun stopped near the Prince’s tent when he saw Aaden walk out of it, a deep scowl painted on his forehead and lips. As tired as he looked, the wake in his strides suggested that the man was not ready for a rest.

Nonetheless, he headed for one of the dying fires and plumped on one of the small tree stumps before reaching for the leftover ryebread and the bottle of ale.

Sehun remained in the shadows for a moment, watching the Captain guzzle the drink aggressively. He looked upset about something. Sehun wanted to find out.

Part of him did not, however. He was worried that whatever he learned would be betrayed to the man he was ultimately and unconditionally loyal to.

He did not care who sat on the throne. Be it Fredegar Skyborn or Alvar Skyborn. He just wanted to make Alvar happy. And if becoming King was would make the man happy, then Sehun would do everything on his part to give him that. So long it did not hurt anyone else.

Hugging the roll of blanket in his arms, he advanced towards the Captain. The air was filled with the smell of wood and dirt, the sound of the dying embers of the fire and the snoring of the men, and the gentle chillness of the wind. The sky preened on its coruscating stars. The soft moonlight peeked through the canopy of the trees.

Aaden brought his head up to look at up Sehun. His hard expression softened at once, replaced by something unreadable. Sehun licked his lips and watched the man turn his gaze away as he slugged another mouthful of ale from the waterskin.

When Sehun took a seat on the tree stump next to the one Aaden was settled on, the Captain stared into the glowing cinders of the fire.

“It is not too late for you to turn around and go back to the palace,” said the Captain without sparing Sehun a look.

Sehun put the blanket down on the ground and rubbernecked at the man who drank more of the ale before wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

He studied Aaden’s face for a moment. He was handsome. _Incredibly_ handsome. Why hadn’t he taken a wife, Sehun wondered. Was it because Reyan? Perhaps he really did not want to have any weaknesses. A man who was afraid of having weaknesses was no brave man. Some weaknesses were also the greatest strengths. Perhaps Aaden was afraid of something.

“I am not going anywhere,” said Sehun. He kept his voice low, careful not to wake the others up. Not that he thought he could. Not even a thunderstorm would rouse these men from their sleep right now. “I promised your brother that I would keep an eye on you.”

Aaden stilled, his jaw tightening. His beard was thicker than the last time Sehun had seen him. It suited him. And then the Captain scoffed out a snicker, shaking his head as he drank some more.

Sehun blinked. “Did I say something funny?”

The other man did not reply as he tugged at the laces of his overcoat. Unlacing it completely, he then fiercely undid the top few laces of his shirt and shifted his weight in his seat, spreading his legs wider, resting his arms on his knees.

“Your brother worries for you,” Sehun said at length to stop himself from obscenely leering at the man’s haired chest. “Everyone thinks that he is a child, but he knows more than you think.”

Aaden looked at him sharply then. There was something about his eyes that made Sehun’s throat close every single time they looked at him.

Sehun turned away and swallowed. “He has only you,” he muttered under his breath.

It took Aaden a moment to reply. But when he did, he sounded so earnest that Sehun felt his heart skip a beat. “And I only have him.”

“It does not have to be that way,” said Sehun. “You are the Captain of the King’s Guard. I’m sure at least half of the women in Slavaria would kill to be your wife. Well, if you did not stare at everyone like they’re spawns of demon.”

That was when he saw Aaden smile. It was half a smile. But still it was a smile. Sehun’s jaw fell slack. He did not know what was hidden behind that smile, but he had never seen the man smile like that.

“I do not believe in… all that,” he said, keeping his eyes on the ground.

Sehun moved to the edge of the stump. “Believe in what?”

The Captain did not answer. It was nearly impossible to keep a conversation going with a man who did not like to talk.

“Believe in… love?” asked Sehun when he did not receive an answer. He noticed the strain in the Captain’s face then. He almost looked like the conversation was causing him pain.

How could anyone _not_ believe in love? To someone like Sehun, who loved with everything he had, it sounded ridiculous and unreasonable.

“Well… have you ever been in love?” Sehun asked gently.

The Captain did not respond with his words, but the way his ears reddened hinted at something. He kept his head low, his eyes glaring at nothing.

“You haven’t, have you?” Sehun rasped. “Then you can’t know whether you believe in it or not.”

“You sound like a hopeless romantic. I do not blame you. You’re young,” he said at last. “You are naïve.”

Sehun frowned. “Being young and naïve has nothing to do with believing in love. It is better than growing old like you and being a grouchy loner just because you think of love and affection as shortcomings and vulnerabilities to a man.”

He was not sure why he was even so bothered about Aaden not believing in love. Why should he care about the man’s convictions?!

A long moment of silence stretched between them.

And then Sehun said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t… have said anything.”

When Aaden looked up at him again, Sehun felt his chest tighten. Letting his words slip and then regretting it was becoming a regular thing between him and the Captain.

The air was suddenly still around them.

Aaden’s eyes that were lingering on Sehun’s eventually drooped low to stare at his lips.

His heartbeat quickened. He was not quite sure of what to make of the way the man was looking at him. It was gentle and sensuous. Something he had never seen in those eyes before. Or in any other eyes. No one had ever looked at him the way Aaden was looking at him in that moment. It had Sehun’s blood pulsing viciously.

Confused and curious, he let his own gaze wander to Aaden’s mouth. And that turned out to be a grave mistake.

The fine hairs on the nape of his neck rose, the chilly night air caressing upon his skin. He needed to back away right now. His heartrate was pacing at dangerous levels.

Aaden’s eyelids were falling heavy when Sehun briefly lifted his own jaded gaze to look at the man’s eyes before dropping it back to leer at his lips.

He stopped breathing for a while when Aaden lean in. Or perhaps it was he who was leaning in toward the Captain. He did not know. He could not tell.

His hands were trembled as he felt Aaden’s breath graze his lips lightly as Aaden parted his. Their heads were angled perfectly, tipped slightly to the sides. Their lips would touch and lock if either of them bowed their head an inch forward.

Sehun did not know why he was not pulling away. His head swam in a sea of trance. It was so surreal that Sehun was almost convinced that it was an unlikely dwam. And yet, his hand was rising to Aaden’s chest.

As his fingers softly pressed against the Captain’s skin where the collarbone met the crook of his neck, he closed his eyes.

He felt Aaden’s beard lightly prick his upper lip. And then it stopped. Everything stopped.

His eyes flashed open to look at the Captain who pulled away altogether with his chest heaving and eyes lost in something like confusion. He scrubbed his bearded jaw for a beat before he shot up from his seat.

Sehun tried to catch his own breath as his cheeks burned. Those were not the only things that were burning. He clamped an arm over his stomach and slouched forward, biting his tongue.

Did that just happen?

Did they just almost…

With disbelief and bafflement, he swallowed the thick lump in his throat that made it difficult for him to breathe.

He kept his head low as Aaden strode away, his fisted hands loosening and clenching repeatedly, as though he were about to punch through a wall.

Sehun sat there for long, all sleep and fatigue dissipated, the physical exhaustion replaced by the exhaustion of mind, which entertained all the untoward thoughts that were spawned by what had _almost_ happened.

Part of him wanted to go after the Captain and demand an explanation. But he was not sure if he were ready to hear one. What was _his_ explanation for wanting to kiss and be kissed by Aaden a moment ago?

It had come out of nowhere, and it had caught him off his guard.

* * *

He must have fallen asleep eventually during the night because he roused the next morning, squinting at the brightness of the sky above him, cocooned in the blanket on the ground.

Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes on the hilt of his palms before he glanced around at the racket that had awakened him.

The guards were bringing the tents down and loading the wagons again. When Sehun looked around him, he realized that he was the only one who was still laying on the ground.

Scrambling up to his feet at once, he hurried to find a tree where he could empty his bladder. Next, he looked for his friends. When he could not find any of them, he decided to help the others load the wagons.

“Watch your head, cocksucker,” he heard Golddust’s offhanded warning before he was bumped into by the boy.

Turning around, Sehun pinned him with a scowl.

Golddust leaned forward with a smirk and said, “Because you might lose it one day if you’re not too careful.”

“What is your problem?” Sehun spat at him then.

“I know that’s how you whored your way into everyone’s good books,” scoffed the boy. “By sucking cocks. With your pretty face and your pretty hole. I bet that’s what your father taught you best.”

That did it.

The anger that shot through Sehun’s veins in that moment blinded him as his hand flew up and brutally backhanded the shorter man across the face.

Although Golddust stumbled and was taken aback, he quickly recovered and drew his sword.

Sehun froze as he was held at swordpoint.

“You little Novali bitch,” spat Golddust, bringing the tip of the blade closer to Sehun’s throat. “Do you know who I am? Have you any idea what my father would do if he knew about this?”

Sehun did not want to find out. Even if he were a nobleman’s son himself, his father had practically disowned him. He knew he could not expect the man to come to his rescue if he ever got into trouble. It was foolish and rash of him to hit another highborn.

The lackeys and the guards gathered around them.

“Fight, fight, fight, fight!” some of the guards began to chant. Sehun’s breathing laboured. He was unarmed. Surely, they could not be serious about wanting to see a fight right now.

Even Ragepelt and the others did not stop it when they shoved through the crowd. Skullmane crossed her arms over her chest and fixed Sehun with a stony look.

They wanted him to fight.

“Honeypearl,” someone from the crowd crowed. “Catch!”

Sehun gasped a little when he saw the guard launch the sword in the air toward him. He would miss it three out of five times whenever a sword was tossed at him. But he was determined to catch this one.

He raised his hand.

But before it could receive the grip of the sword, it was caught by another.

Aaden’s bigger, callused, heavily veined hand plucked the sword from the air before the Captain flipped it in his hand and drove the blade into the ground.

He looked angry.

The crowd dispersed at once when he turned to glower at it menacingly. Then starting towards Sehun and Golddust, he fisted his hands and clenched his jaw.

“Get to work,” he snarled at Golddust through his teeth, grabbing the blade that was pointed at Sehun with a hand to lower it forcefully.

Frowning, Golddust bowed his head and hurried away promptly.

As the Captain turned to him, memories of the events of last night came flooding back to Sehun.

He felt every muscle in his body tauten in paralysis, breath snagging at his chest.

He was not sure if it had even happened when he noticed the indifference in Aaden’s stare. Or perhaps it had happened, and he chose to ignore it.

Sehun could not.

Or maybe it really had not happened. And he was just imagining things, reading into something that was not there last night.

Either way, he could not look at the man’s glowering eyes. His throat closed. He silently prayed that, if none of it had been a dream, Aaden had forgotten all about it. He was drinking quite a bit last night. Although Sehun knew it was not enough to knock a man like Aaden out of his senses.

He did not say anything to Sehun as he walked away.

“What was that all about?”

Sehun jumped around to look at Skullmane who was staring at him with an arched eyebrow.

“What?” Sehun let out, his heart still thumping hard and violently. “What… do you mean?”

“I could have cut the tension between you and Strongstare with my sword,” she said, folding her arms over her chest.

Sehun shrugged shakily and said, “I don’t know understand what you’re talking about.”

He then brushed past her, not waiting a moment longer, to grab his knapsack.

* * *

“I walked through these very woods, on this very path from my village when I first came to Skairon,” said Steelshout, sounding a little lost in his thoughts. “Now that I think about it…”

Sehun felt refreshed, in spite of having had to sleep on the grassy ground the previous night with nothing but a blanket. It was noon, and he was not as tired as he was on the road yesterday. It might be because of the calming ambience and the cool air of the forest. The canopy of the trees umbrellaed them from the burning noontide sun.

The wagon pullers were falling a lot behind, however, struggling to draw the wagons over the craggy and uneven floor of the forest.

Sehun tried to keep his eyes from wandering to the Captain, who was riding at the front with the standard-bearers. Now that it was day and his head was clearer, his body no longer wrapped in fatigue, he felt even worse about what had almost happened last night. No, what _he_ had almost did last night.

It made him feel all sorts of twisted emotions and confusions. Perhaps he had just been caught in the moment. Perhaps he had been too tired that his brain had stopped functioning for a moment. Nevertheless, it did not change the fact that he had leaned in with his eyes closed, knowing very well that he would not have stopped it if it had gone any further.

What confused him even more was why Aaden had done all that, too.

“Why did you leave your village?” asked one of the guards-in-training whose name Sehun had not bothered to learn. But he was one of Golddust’s friends.

And speaking of Golddust, he had had not stopped louring at Sehun ever since the morning. His hand was constantly on the pommel of his sword, as though he were ready to draw it and slice Sehun’s throat open at any moment. Sehun watched his back, just in case.

“I got tired of growing cabbages and pumpkins,” said Steelshout. “And I had to nurse a broken heart. There was not much of a future there.”

“I left home for the same reason,” said Asscrusher. “Well, that and the fact that everyone thought I killed a little girl.”

Sehun gaped at him. “Did you?” he rasped. He would not have been surprised some weeks ago when he barely knew the man. But now that he had come to know most of them a lot better, he doubted that Asscrusher, in spite of his heinous nickname, would harm any innocent.

“Of course, not,” the man sighed. “I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I was walking home drunk one night. I saw this couple of men in the alley, hounding about a girl. I tried to… save the little girl from…” he trailed off for a second, rubbing his tattooed forehead. “I think they were going to sell her away. Anyway, I was too late. She was… dead by the time I…”

Ragepelt clapped a hand to Asscrusher’s shoulder. “How many years in prison did you say it was?”

“Four. It was supposed to be a life sentence,” said Asscrusher. “But Strongstare found the evidence and pleaded for my innocence. He got the sentence cut down to four years.”

“If you were innocent, why were you in prison for four years?” inquired Sehun.

“Oh. Because I smashed those two fuckers’ heads on the alley walls until their brains spilled out that night,” he said nonchalantly.

Sehun blinked. “Uh…” He shook his head. “Why did… the Captain plead for your innocence?”

“He has a soft spot for the deadbeat yahoos,” said Ragepelt. “And a good eye for the talented.” He flexed an arm, tautening his muscles, and smirked with a wink of an eye.

“He saw the good in me,” said Asscrusher. “He said that… if I have anger management issues… and a crude sense of integrity. That’s the best compliment anyone’s ever given me, and that is when I decided to follow the man wherever he may lead.”

Sehun’s heart warmed at that, and he unconsciously glanced over at the black horse and its tall rider.

He had not heard of many good men, who did good deeds, while upholding his honour, like Aaden Ragnavor. The only men he knew well were his father and Alvar.

Even thinking about their morals and probity made him queasy. It was easy to put his father in a bad light. But he could not do the same with Alvar.

Alvar was not a bad man like his father, was he? Sehun did not know. Or maybe he did, but he refused to acknowledge it.

“He did the same for me,” Skullmane muttered, taking a long breath. “My fate would have been a lot worse if he had not taken me in. I owe him my life.”

“Do you love him?” asked Golddust, looking genuinely curious.

The question stung Sehun. He could not begin to fathom why.

Skullmane scowled at him. “What makes you think that?” she asked.

Golddust cleared his throat. “You’re a woman. He is a fine man. You speak him with such adoration. Surely you must feel something for him.”

“What I feel for him is respect and a sense of duty. That will not stop me from putting a boot down your throat, boy.”

Sehun snickered and quickly muffled his laughter behind a hand. Golddust turned his face away, cheeks turning red in embarrassment.

But it had Sehun wondering then. It was clear that the Captain held affection to no one but his little brother and was not in love with anybody. But was anyone in love with him, though?

“What is your story?” Sehun asked Skullmane at length. “How did a… woman end up in a barrack full of men?”

“I was never much of a woman,” she said, and she did not seem uncomfortable as she said it. “I never felt like one. I did everything I can to turn into a man. But I didn’t have a cock.”

“The greatest weapon a man can wield,” Ragepelt commented with a nasty grin that made Sehun blush. “And mine is bigger than all of yours.”

“Yours is bigger than Skullmane’s, I’ll give you that,” said Asscrusher.

“My father never approved,” Skullmane interrupted. “He wanted me to marry a wealthy merchant. He used to say a good fucking would make me feel like the woman I am. So, I left. There aren’t many places that would hire a woman to do a man’s job. Then by some fluke, I came to the palace, looking for work. As servant. Captain Ragnavor said that my skills would be much useful elsewhere.”

“He gave us a home,” said Steelshout. “While at the same time looking out for the monarch’s best interest.”

“I’m not skilled like you,” Sehun muttered. “He has no reason to keep me.”

“You can always find reasons to give him,” said Ragepelt. “He never would have given you his approval if he had not seen something in you.”

Sehun thought back to the day when he got his face slammed by Aaden. “I don’t think he had a choice,” he muttered. “I was a largesse to the new King.”

* * *

They came to a halt at evenfall when they reached the banks of a narrow river. Sehun was grateful for the cool water that trickled down his parched throat. He would not mind taking a dip in the water either. The current was slow enough. Besides, he did not think that he could go another day without a bath. But it would have to wait until everyone was asleep or at their posts. He was not going to strip down to nothing and take a bath in the midst of all those men. Not that he did not trust them. He would trust most of them with his life at this point. But the only man he had ever bared himself to was Alvar. Even then, it had taken him a lot of effort and mountains of desperation for the man’s touch.

On the ground a little further from the river, tents were pitched while the horses were brought to the river to drink and be fed.

Sehun helped with the lackeys with heating the pottage for dinner over a fire.

It was cooler tonight than the night before. It was probably because they were closer to a waterbody tonight.

Sehun managed to avoid the Captain all day. Or perhaps it was the other way around. Aaden was holed up in the tent with Prince Fredegar and the other nobles for most of the evening. It came to Sehun as a relief, but a part of him was still struggling to get some answers.

Did he even want to know _why_ Aaden had almost kissed him last night?

What if he did not like the answer?

And what would that be?

“You want to keep first watch with us, Honeypearl?” asked Ragepelt after supper.

Sehun nodded. “But I would like to wash myself up first,” he said.

Ragepelt looked at him confusedly, and so did the other men. “Wash yourself?” he asked. “In the river?”

“Yes,” Sehun said, rising to his feet from where he was sitting near the campfire.

“Oh.” Ragepelt scratched his head. “Can we watch?”

Sehun could not have possibly heard the man right. “I beg your pardon?”

“You must look pretty as an actual pearl bathing in the river,” said Asscrusher. “We’ve got nothing else to watch around here.”

“Don’t worry. It’s not a sexual overture,” said Ragepelt. “I like my beauties with mounds of breasts.”

Skullmane was simpering. “They are joking,” she told Sehun, noticing the discomfort in his strained expression.

“No, we’re not,” muttered Ragepelt. “Maybe I’ll take a bath with him.”

“I think I’m going to skip the bath,” Sehun blurted out.

“They will stay out of your way,” said Skullmane before she turned to the other men with a glare. “Right? We don’t want to have any trouble.”

Ragepelt groaned. “Thank God, He didn’t give you a cock. You would have had too much power.” He prodded a finger into Skullmane’s shoulder before shoving past her.

* * *

Later that evening, as Sehun sat perched on the trunk of a fallen tree, guarding the parameter as ordered with Skullmane, he asked, “When you say you don’t feel like you are a woman, what exactly do you mean?”

She stopped whetting her sword for a moment and stared at the blade vacantly. Then sighing, she said, “What part of it confuses you?”

Sehun bit his lip. He could not tell if the question offended her or not. “I was not trying to offend you,” he said quickly. “I just asked… because I’m curious.” He hung his head. “I know what it feels like… to be the odd one out.”

Skullmane turned on her seat to face him. They could barely see each other in the dark that was rapidly descending on the land.

“Why are you the odd one out?” she asked.

Sehun shrugged lightly. “I don’t know… I’m not like the other boys, am I? People look at me like I’m… either a mystifying puzzle or an abhorrent creature. Just because I didn’t pick up a wooden sword like all the other boys when I was a kid. I am clearly a boy, but I haven’t done much in life that… evidences that. Strangers have even told me that I am neither boy nor girl. I am an unholy mix between the two.”

Even though he took great pleasure in people lobbing insults like how pretty he was for a boy, it still made him uneasy.

He had never talked to anyone about this until now. What Skullmane had said earlier had him wondering if his androgyny were the reason he never belonged anywhere. Except here, in this band of misfits and bastards.

Skullmane took a moment to respond. “People are afraid of what they don’t know and understand,” she said with a heavy breath. “They see something that is out of the ordinary, they can’t help but react in a way that hurts us. It’s only in human nature to protect themselves from the things that come with uncertainty. This results in hate and discrimination.”

She then looked away once more, picking up her whetstone.

“But we do not live for others,” she continued. “We cannot dictate their ignorance. If they think we’re all backasswards for not conforming to their conventions, then so be it.”

Sehun processed what he was hearing carefully and slowly. What she said made sense. But it did not make him feel any better.

“I’m not sure… if I can be like you.”

“No,” she murmured. “And you don’t have to. But this is the world we live in. If you stay true to yourself, never wish ill fate for anyone, and keep those who love you happy, you will survive. Focus on the love you get. Not the hate.”

That resonated within Sehun. Too deeply.

He tried to think of Alvar in that moment. He was the only man who did not see Sehun as a freak. He was the only one who had desired Sehun.

They were eventually disturbed by the rustling sound between the trees. When he saw Skullmane turn her head halfway around before she shot up to her feet, he followed suit.

He was surprised to see Prince Fredegar out of his tent, strolling about the woods with three guards accompanying him. Bonemight, Boulderhide and Ravenfist. The Prince stopped in his tracks and turned towards Skullmane and Sehun when he spotted them.

Fredegar looked a lot like Alvar from a distance. Alvar must have resembled his brother quite a bit when he was younger.

Sehun noticed, as the Prince advanced closer, that his blue eyes were boring into Skullmane.

“Your Highness,” said Skullmane as she bowed.

Sehun mimicked her when Prince Fredegar halted a couple of feet away from them.

“Two of the people I least expected to be here,” said the Prince with a coy smirk.

Skullmane sheathed her sword and held her hands at her back, chin held high. “Is it because I am a woman, Your Grace?”

Sehun could not believe that she had asked the Crown Prince that. It sounded like a treasonous retort.

But Fredegar scoffed out a snicker instead.

Skullmane was almost as tall as the Prince, in spite of being only a year older than the Fredegar. Her shoulders almost as broad as well. Even her midriff that was exposed by her barely covering top was stacked with muscles. Her arms toned and hard. She had a more masculine body than most men did in Novalon. Sehun admired her for it now. He had been curious in the beginning because he, too, was out of the ordinary like her.

“I believe we have never formally met,” said the Prince. “What is your name?”

Sehun watched Skullman’s jaw tighten. “They call me Skullmane, Your Highness,” she answered thickly.

Fredegar smiled with a cocked brow. “I meant your real name.”

Sehun had never seen Skullmane so flustered. Although she daringly looked into the Prince’s eyes, the rest of her seemed to be unsettled.

“Won’t you tell me your name?” asked Fredegar at length, still smiling as though he were talking to a lover.

Gritting her teeth, Skullmane exhaled heavily and said, “It’s Nela Wynter, Your Grace.”

Sehun’s jaw fell. He had never thought she would have such a beautiful name. Not that she was not beautiful. She was. Very beautiful. But in an unconventional, rugged, masculine way. Sehun doubted that many people would find her beautiful.

Prince Fredegar’s ears were turning into a deep shade of pink when he spoke again. “My Captain speaks very highly you often. I’m sorry there is currently no official place for a woman in the King’s Guard. But you have done plenty for the monarch’s protection.”

Skullmane bowed her head. “Thank you, Your Highness.”

“Perhaps it is a law I would consider overturning when I’m crowned King,” the Prince then added.

Skullmane’s eyes widened. “I would be… honoured, My Prince.”

Fredegar licked his smiling lips and nodded his head lightly. “I will see you around then… Nela Wynter.”

Once the Prince had walked away, Sehun faced Skullmane with an ashen complexion. “That’s your real name?” he rasped.

“If you call me by it, I won’t hesitate to put a dagger through your head, Honeypearl,” she warned him with a snarl.

Sehun chuckled. “It’s a good name.”

“It’s a little girl’s name,” she spat.

 

 

# C H A P T E R   S E V E N

 

 

 

He waited until it was dark and late enough to go to the river. He had brought two other shirts and another pair of trousers with him. He decided to save the clean pants for another day. So, he fished a shirt out of his knapsack and started for the river, treading carefully between the men snoring, sprawled over on the ground.

He gazed up at the twinkling stars in the stygian black sky and faintly smiled at them when he stepped out of the trees. The world was so beautiful at this hour. No one was around.

He halted with a jerk, however, when heard a horse’s nicker.

Looking to the riverbank, he found a black, unsaddled steed. Under the starlight, the horse’s dark mane glistened, its thick coat sheening with a faint shimmer.

His hands itched all of a sudden. He wanted to run them through the horse’s mane. It had been a while since he had petted a horse. Back home, even though he did not particularly liked riding them, he surely loved giving them pats and strokes.

What was it doing out here all by its lonesome, he wondered, advancing toward it. He came to an abrupt standstill when he heard the pebbles on the shore of the river clutter against each other.

He turned around only to look at Aaden who was strutting up the shore, hands fastening the laces of his trousers, water rivulets trickling down his shirtless body, skidding along the lines of his solid, hardened muscles, his dark, tan skin glistening under the moonlight. Wiping the water from his face and beard, he ran the hand through his damp hair, pushing it all back before he jerked to a stop, eyes darting to Sehun, who was blatantly gawking at the dripping wet, half naked man.

Something caught in Sehun’s throat as he hurriedly looked away, cheeks growing warm.

He stared at the horse while his heart tumbled upside down in his chest. He heard footsteps approach him. He considered turning around and walking back to the camp as fast as he could. But he was unable to move.

He flinched, startled, when he heard Aaden clear his throat hoarsely behind him.

Facing the man, Sehun nervously said, “Oh, hey… I didn’t see you there.”

He dropped his head quickly, trying to calm his breathing.

Perhaps Aaden did not remember the previous night after all.

The Captain moved past Sehun and brought a hand up to his horse’s mane to stroke it gently. He then gave the beast’s shoulder a pat.

“Do you like horses?”

The question took Sehun by surprise. He had never admitted that he liked horses to anyone but his sisters. He had, in fact, never talked about the things that he liked to anybody.

He nodded his head shyly when Aaden looked at him.

“Me too,” sighed the man, turning his gaze back to the horse.

Sehun silently watched him draw a hand over the horse’s head. The beat of the river’s current, the horse’s heavy breathing and the wind that wove through the trees played a gentle symphony for the night.

“What is his name?” Sehun found himself asking as he cautiously raised a hand. He stopped inches before the horse, unsure of whether the Captain would be all right with him touching his steed.

“Blackfire,” he said in the lowest voice Sehun had ever heard him use, his eyes lingering on Sehun’s hesitant hand.

Sehun shuddered lightly when Aaden took hold of his hand. His rough fingers gently wrapped around Sehun’s as he brought them to press against Blackfire’s shoulder.

“You can touch him,” muttered Aaden, retrieving his hand to splay his fingers out before curling them into a fist again.

Hanging his head, Sehun softly stroked the horse. He hoped that the other man was not able to hear his heart that was thundering uncontrollably.

“When I was a boy, I used to believe that I would never own a horse of my own. I envied men who could mount these beautiful, regal beasts,” said Aaden as Blackfire nudged its nose into his hand.

“We have a few horses back in Novalon,” Sehun muttered.

He thought he saw a hint of a smile on Aaden’s lips then. “I wasn’t born into a golden cradle like you,” he said. “I owned one small, worn-out tunic. It has holes. Lots of them. I didn’t own shoes, so I walked around in footwraps. I had a pet dog, though. He was a dirty mongrel from the streets.”

Sehun pursed his lips, heart swelling. He liked hearing the man say more than just five words at a time.

“I had to work hard,” said the Captain. “Very hard.” He briefly leaned his forehead against the horse’s. “For Reyan. No one else… after my mother died and my father abandoned us.”

Sehun’s tongue suddenly felt too heavy. The only hardship he had ever had to go through in his life was handling his father’s disappointment.

“I had never been happier than the day I got Blackfire,” he added. “It was a bigger achievement for me than becoming the Captain of the King’s Guard.”

He sighed and drew away from the horse.

Sehun tried to keep his eyes to himself, hand petting the horse, while the Captain grabbed his shirt from the ground and pulled it on. He left it unlaced and hanging open when he turned to the horse and Sehun again.

Sehun wondered if he should bring up what had almost happened the other night. Perhaps it would be better for everyone if he did not.

“When would we reach the Ruins of Aerth?” he asked at an attempt to diffuse the tension in the air.

“If we keep the pace,” Aaden replied. “we should be able to reach the encampment by sundown the day after tomorrow.”

He was surprised that the man had answered. And the Captain did not even sound irked.

“And after that?” Sehun asked. He doubted that the Captain would divulge too much to a guard-in-training.

But Aaden did answer his question, as though he wanted the keep the conversation going. “We must converge with Prince Alvar and his men in Aerth. He would want us to engage in combat at the borders.”

Sehun blinked. This was new. “But you said we would not fight.”

“And we will not,” he said. “But he does not have to know that. He has his plans, and we have ours.”

The way Aaden spoke of Alvar made Sehun wonder if the Captain were not all that fond of the eldest Prince.

A moment of silence roved between them then as Sehun rifled his fingers through Blackfire’s mane. He could feel Aaden’s gaze burning through his skin.

It pained him. If a man’s stare could bleed someone, Aaden would leave a sea of blood behind him. Sometimes Sehun was just worried that the man was trying to read his mind or find his soul so that he could burn it. But at the moment, he was entertaining a much dreadful idea. What if the man were thinking about last night?

His fingers froze between the rough strands of the mane all of a sudden. He lifted his eyes to look up Aaden. He could smell the river on Aaden. And the forest. Musky, earthy.

He had never stood so close to a man who was not wrapped in finery, perfumes and noble titles.

Oddly enough, Sehun wanted to hear more about Aaden. Everyone had him pegged. He was cold. He was reliable. He was stern. Sehun wondered how many of them knew that Aaden loved horses, used to have a pet mongrel and walked around in footwraps because he could not afford a proper footwear.

Lost in Aaden’s gaze for a moment, he did not realize that he had been staring right into those green eyes.

Aaden unclenched his hand and raised it to a side of Sehun’s face. The touch did not make Sehun recoil or flinch. His hand was, however, rough against Sehun’s cheek. Warm. Gentle. Slightly shaky.

His thumb lightly caressed Sehun’s cheekbone. That was when Sehun realized that it was the same side of the face that Aaden had struck on their first meeting. It was all water under the bridge for Sehun now. But perhaps it was not for Aaden.

His hand then shifted a little lower to hold a side of Sehun’s jaw. His eyes were fixed on Sehun’s lips as he brushed his thumb over them, along the seam of the lips. Sehun let his own eyes shut, his breathing shallow and coarse, one hand limp at his side, the other resting against the horse’s shoulder.

The scent of Aaden’s skin flooded his senses now as a pair of warm, soft lips pressed against his own, catching his lower plump lower lip between them.

He held his breath.

Aaden’s hand curled around the back of his neck and pulled him closer. Sehun truckled to it without a fight.

The realness of it all was contradictorily illusory and surreal. The kiss was solemn yet wrong, gentle yet firm, steeped in a fiery passion that was subdued and silenced. Aaden brought his other hand around to rest it against the small of Sehun’s back as he kissed Sehun’s lips, softly, tenderly but with a hint of strain, as though he were holding himself back. His beard lightly grazed Sehun’s face. The warmth of his mouth made Sehun’s knees weak.

He had never kissed another man, other than Alvar. So, he never knew it could also feel like this. It was… different.

If he had been able to move a muscle, he might have grabbed Aaden’s hair at the back of his head and kissed him harder. He would have run his fingers down the man’s haired chest and toned abdomen. He would have done a lot of things he did not want to.

He was a sap.

A total sap.

It was the most romantic and magical thing he had ever experienced. And it was happening with a man he did not love. With a man he had least expected it to happen with.

Aaden parted his lips and pressed them harder against Sehun’s, his hands drawing Sehun’s body closer to his own.

Sehun thought he was set ablaze when their bodies pressed against each other. The slightest brush of the tip of Aaden’s tongue along his lips almost had him whimpering and shivering.

When Aaden finally broke away, Sehun drew a breath, head dropped, hands trembling.

No one said anything for a long moment as they caught their breath. Every inch of Sehun’s skin was burning.

When he eventually mustered the courage to raise his head and meet Aaden’s eyes, he thought his heart might fall out of his chest.

Aaden looked at him like he was searching for some sort of answer. When he did not get any, in a low and husky voice, he said, “What are you… thinking?”

Sehun did not know. He wanted to know what Aaden was thinking. Right now. And when he was gasping against Sehun’s mouth, fingers digging into the small of his back. He wanted to know what Aaden had been thinking when he was kissing him so cruelly gently.

Aaden frowned with something like worry when Sehun did not respond. “I’m… sorry,” he let out.

Sehun could not bring himself to speak. His mouth still tasted like Aaden. What would he even say? His head was spinning.

Then at length, he swallowed hard and murmured, “I wanted to take a bath.”

Aaden looked upset. Almost guilty. He flexed his fingers uncomfortably and nodded. Grabbing the reins of Blackfire, he drew the horse away.

Sehun clenched his eyes for a while and took some breaths as he absentmindedly unlaced his shirt. Then removing it, he glanced back at Aaden, who stopped and looked back at him.

His eyebrows furrowed even deeper as his eyes fell on Sehun’s bared back before they wandered lower to look at the chain around Sehun’s waist. Then gritting his teeth, he walked away with the horse.

Sehun washed himself in the dead of the night, ceaselessly thinking about the kiss. Once he had clothed himself again, he leaned against a boulder and brushed his fingers upon his lips.

His heart fluttered.

* * *

When they stopped again for a rest the next day was in the evening after another long, exhausting day through the woods.

The air was beginning to feel warmer. They must be closer to the edge of the forest now.

After supper, Skullmane insisted on a brief practice. She handed Sehun a sword and told him to swing.

Perhaps it was because it had been a few days since he had last practised with a sword, or perhaps it was because of his muddled mind that was refusing to wrap itself around the fact that Aaden had kissed him last night, but his swings were worse than ever.

When he stumbled and lost his grip on the sword, Skullmane scowled at him and said, “Why do you seem so distracted, boy?”

Picking the sword up, Sehun frowned and shook his head. “I’m sorry. Let’s try again.”

He could hear Golddust’s snickers and insults from where he stood with the other guards-in-training. He was in no mood to entertain them. His brain felt mushed. He was physically tired from the trekking and mentally exhausted from wondering why the Captain had kissed him.

All day, he had not gotten a single glance from Aaden.

“All right,” Skullmane spat when Sehun dropped his sword again eventually. “That’s enough. We’re both tired.”

Sehun did not object as he handed her the sword and started for the campfire where Steelshout, Bonemight and two other guards were sitting at. Ragepelt and Asscrusher were on first watch.

“If there were no women left in this world,” said Steelshout to Bonemight. “I might.”

Skullmane cocked her eyebrow at him. “What stupid thing are you discussing now?” she asked.

“We were talking about if we would rather suck a cock or fuck a man’s ass,” said Steelshout.

“Is sucking and fucking all that men ever talk about?” she scoffed.

“Men like us yeah,” replied Steelshout. “You want to talk about the weather and the current state of affairs? You should seek out Strongstare for that.”

“I am certain that man never gets laid,” said one of the two guards.

“He is notoriously private,” said Steelshout. “But if I had a face that pretty, I’d be swimming in a pool of women.”

“Maybe he doesn’t fancy women,” said the guard in a sharp whisper.

Sehun froze in his seat, his heartbeat suddenly spiking.

“What?” said Bonemight, blinking.

The guard shrugged. “Maybe he doesn’t fancy anyone. There are people like that I heard. Those that doesn’t excited by anything. Then there are… cocksuckers.”

“You are going to shut your trap or so help me,” said Skullmane.

“She’s right,” added Steelshout. “It does not feel good to talk about him like that. Whomever he fancies is none of our business. Women, men, chairs, tables. He can fuck whatever he wants.”

“Do you want to know about another hearsay?” said the other guard in a low voice. “I heard the eldest Prince likes putting his rod up both lads and lasses.”

“That’s a hearsay that’s been going around for a very long time,” said Steelshout. “He’s quite the skirt-chaser. And I suppose also the tunic-chaser.” He guzzled a mouthful of ale.

Sehun wanted to up and leave. He did not want to hear this.

“Do you think it’s true?” asked the guard. “That he’s a libertine.”

“He’s many things,” said Steelshout. “But it is no surprise that he would be one. He is a Prince. A very good-looking one at that. Bastard or not. Has enough power in the south. Anyone would bend for him. From dogs to men.”

Sehun realized that he had never really heard other people talk about Alvar. Back at home, his father only spoke highly of Alvar. His sisters gushed over the Prince in admiration, too. Sehun had only seen Alvar in that light. He was a perfect, charming, wonderful man.

But hearing the Skairs say such things about him made Sehun’s stomach turn.

_Anyone would bend for him…_

That sickened Sehun to the point where he wrapped his arms around his stomach.

“Would _you_?” asked Bonemight.

Steelshout laughed. “I might. Like I said. Put enough ale in my belly and I’d fuck the shit out of any—” He cut himself off, eyes widening as he looked up.

Sehun followed the direction of Steelshout’s surprised gaze and found Prince Fredegar walking towards them.

And at his side was Aaden.

Sehun’s throat tightened as he stood up with the rest.

“Your Grace,” said Steelshout, bowing his head.

The Captain’s gaze was on Sehun, who stared back at him for a moment before they both looked away.

Fredegar looked at Skullmane and smiled momentarily before he turned to the others. “Do you mind if I sit with you for a while?” he asked.

“Uh…” Steelshout muttered, exchanging a glance with the rest. “Here? Will you not be more comfortable sitting in a chair, Your Grace?”

“I will be fine,” said the Prince as he took his seat down on the ground. “You can sit, too.”

While everyone took their seats again, Sehun stood stock-still, looking back at Aaden, who was standing near the Prince with his hands behind his back.

“Lord Sehun?” called Fredegar. “Won’t you sit down?”

“Y-Yes, Your Highness,” Sehun exhaled and plumped down.

“Is that ale?” asked the Prince, pointing to the waterskin Steelshout was holding in his hand.

The other guards-in-training soon joined them as well, looking curious when they found the Crown Prince sitting among the guards.

Fredegar took a sip of the ale and winced. “Not to my taste,” he said in a gravelly voice and handed the waterskin back.

Sehun glanced up at Aaden again. The Captain was no longer looking at him.

“I could fetch Your Highness some wine from your tent,” said Bonemight.

“That won’t be necessary,” said Fredegar. “Bonemight, was it?”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

“A fitting epithet for a strong man.” He smiled. Then he turned to Skullmane. “I wonder why you’re called… Skullmane. Hardly a fitting name for a… beautiful woman like you.”

Her face turned ashen at once, the corners of her lips turned sourly.

Fredegar did not seem to notice the dismay in her expression as he continued to say, “I’m sure the men could have come up with a sweeter nickname for you.”

That was when Skullmane shot up to her feet. “Pardon me, Your Highness,” she spat through her grit teeth. Fredegar’s smile died as he blinked blankly at her, looking confused. “I will not sit here and listen to you mock my femininity. I shall join my brothers on their watch now.”

She did not wait for the Prince’s approval to leave his presence. Aaden huffed tiredly and caught her arm when she started to march past him.

“This will be the last time you disrespect your Prince,” he warned her in a low growl. “Am I understood?”

“It’s all right, Captain Aaden,” said Fredegar, rising to his full height. He faced Skullmane with a defeated look. “I had not meant it as a slight. If my words had offended you, then I am in the wrong. Forgive me.”

Sehun gawked at the Prince. Men of royal blood did not apologize for wars they had caused, for the innocent lives they had sacrificed, for all the massacres they had financed. But Prince Fredegar was apologizing to her.

Skullmane kept her lips pursed and shoulders squared as Fredegar sighed heavily and walked away. Releasing Skullmane’s arm, Aaden glared at her before he followed after the Prince.

* * *

Later that night, when the campfires had died out, Sehun still lay awake, tossing and turning on the blanket on the ground. Skullmane, next to him, was doing the same.

“You should get some sleep,” she muttered at one point. “There will be rooms and beds at the encampment in Aerth tomorrow. And clean water and warm food.”

That sounded like paradise. Sehun was already looking forward to getting out of the forest that was teeming with all sorts of bugs and crawlies.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” he asked in a whisper.

Skullmane let out a big breath and turned to lie on her back so that she could gaze at the stars in the sky. “I feel… bad,” she said. “I never felt… bad before.”

“Why?”

She did not answer.

Sehun propped himself up on his elbows. “Is this about… what happened earlier? With Prince Fredegar?”

She closed her eyes then. “Perhaps I had mistaken his intentions.”

“He… seems like a nice person,” Sehun admitted.

Perhaps he was a nice person. And would be a good King with proper guidance one day. Sehun might have judged him a little too soon. But he was still convinced that Alvar would be a better King. Or at least, that was what Alvar had made him believe.

“What is keeping _you_ up?” she asked Sehun.

Sehun shook his head. “Nothing,” he lied. Just as he started to lie back down, the sound of the blaring horns jerked him upright. “What is that?”

Skullmane jolted up immediately along with the other guards, who were sleeping. “Something is wrong,” she rasped.

Everyone hurried to the tents at once in a frenzy. Some guards drew their swords.

Sehun halted when he saw Aaden drag a hooded man out of the Prince’s tent before he shoved the man to the ground and brutally booted the back of his head. Wincing, Sehun looked away for a moment as the Captain stomped repeatedly on the man’s head before he grabbed the man by the cowl at the back of his head and drew him up to his knees.

Aaden looked murderous. The rage in his bloodshot eyes sent shivers down Sehun’s spine.

Locking a fist around the intruder’s hair, the Captain tugged his head backwards and bared his throat. Then drawing his sword, he pressed the blade to the man’s neck.

Prince Fredegar hurried out of the tent, expression both horrified and angered. “Who sent you?” he demanded, standing before the intruder.

With blood trickling down his face, the intruder kept his silence.

“Speak!” Aaden roared, pressing the sword harder against the intruder’s throat.

“Shackle him,” ordered Fredegar. “Keep him captive until he spills the truth.”

As Aaden began to pull the broadsword away, the intruder grabbed the blade with his bare hands and yanked it across his neck, slitting his own throat.

Sehun retched and spun around as the man dropped dead on the ground, blood gushing out of his neck.

Tears pricked Sehun’s eyes, a sickening lump rising in his throat. The metallic stench of blood promptly began to fill the air. He had to get out of here.

“Fuck,” he heard Aaden hiss as the others scurried with gasps and murmurs around him.

Clasping a hand to his mouth, Sehun hurried away from there.

* * *

He had managed to keep his dinner down. But the horror of seeing a man slit his own throat did not leave his conscious alone. He had not wandered too far away from the camp. He could still hear the ruckus that was going on there. He could still smell the smoke of the fire that was built to burn the corpse of the intruder.

The sun would come up soon.

“What are you doing here?”

Sehun raised his head and looked up at Skullmane with sleep-leaden eyes from where he sat on the ground, leaning against a tree. “I could not… stay there,” he muttered, reliving the frightening moment of witnessing a man’s death.

Adopting a crouch, Skullmane surveyed his face for a moment. “The intruder is a mercenary who apparently came with a dagger. He was going to slip into the tent and kill the Prince in his sleep. He must have been following us.”

Sehun swallowed hard. “Who… could he be? Why would he want to… kill the Prince?”

“We don’t know. You saw what happened to him before we could get the truth out of him.”

Sehun looked away, thinking about all that blood that bathed the grass.

“Are you all right?” asked Skullmane after a while, raising a hand to his shoulder.

Sehun shook his head slowly. “I have never… seen… someone die right in front of me.”

Skullmane heaved a sigh and gave his shoulder a light squeeze. “He would have been dead either way. You might as well get used to it. If you are going to be one of us.”

Sehun was not sure that he wanted to be one of them anymore. None of the guards had even flinched when the intruder had killed himself. The Captain had been shocked, but he had not looked horrified or traumatized by the death that was engendered by his own sword. Of course, he must have seen countless deaths.

“We should not be out here alone away from the rest. That mercenary might not be the only one,” said Skullmane as she rose back to her full height and held a hand out to Sehun.

After a moment for reluctance, Sehun took the hand and let himself be drawn up to his feet.

When they reached the camp, Sehun glanced to Prince Fredegar and the noblemen who were standing before Captain Aaden.

“You said travelling through the woods would be safer than travelling on the roads,” said one of the two noblemen who had accompanied the Prince. “Could this be a miscalculation on your part, Captain?”

Aaden had his jaw set tight and his hands balled into fists at his sides. “No one out of our own company was supposed to know,” said the Captain through his teeth and turned to Fredegar. “But yes, it must have been a miscalculation on my part, Your Grace. An apology would not correct my mistake.”

“It could have been worse on the roads,” said Fredegar with a sigh. “You have never been wrong with your judgments, Captain Aaden. But good to know that you are human after all. You have protected me. I am alive, aren’t I?” He then looked at the flustered noblemen. “Such a mistake will not happen again. Will it, Captain?”

Aaden’s face wilted a little. He bowed his head and said, “I will make sure of it, Your Grace.”

“Honeypearl?”

Sehun averted his gaze from Aaden and fixed it on Ragepelt, who approached him with a frown.

“Skullmane says you were given quite the scare,” he said and opened his arms. “You need a hug, child?”

Sehun sighed and fell into Ragepelt’s embrace, pressing his face against the bigger man’s thick chest. He had never hugged another man like this, Sehun thought. It was strange and strangely comforting.

“There, there,” Ragepelt said, patting on Sehun’s back. “Everything is going to be all right.”

Sehun almost chuckled, having been reminded of his mother whenever he had a nightmare as a child or was upset that his father had yelled at him.

* * *

The King’s Guard maintained a tight proximity between them and the Crown Prince. Even the Captain was walking alongside the Prince with one hand clutching at the reins of his horse he was dragging with him, and the other resting at the hilt of his broadsword.

Sehun was surprised by the way Prince Fredegar was carrying himself in spite of being the victim of the attack last night. He did not seem all that shaken up. Had it been Sehun, he would have had his nerves on an edge the entire time.

“A lowly mercenary,” Sehun heard Golddust say to Mousefeet. “That’s what I heard. Or could have been a bandit that just wanted to loot something of value.”

“It has to be more than that,” said Mousefeet.

Sehun tuned them out as he walked faster. He could not calm his heartbeat. He refused to pay the faint voice at the back of his head, that kept calling him guilty, any heed. Because it could not be. He was not to be blamed here. And neither was Alvar. Because he knew Alvar would never do such a thing. He was man enough to fight head-on if it came down to it. If he had wanted to kill Prince Fredegar, he would have done it a long time ago.

But then again, he had no reason to before while his father was still sitting on the throne.

Sehun shook his head and swallowed the bitter taste that was lingering in his mouth.

When they stopped for a rest in the afternoon, Sehun curled up on the forest ground and finally managed to catch a few winks. His dreams were haunted by the images of the man willingly slicing his throat open.

He woke up with a jerk and a gasp, covered in sweat. When he looked up, Skullmane was watching over him with a frown.

“Here,” she handed him a waterskin.

Sehun gulped the water in large drafts and panted.

“You ought to get up,” she then said. “We are about to leave. Aerth is not that far from here.”

Sehun’s head spun lightly as he tried to stand up. His lips were chapped, and his body felt too sore to stand upright.

“You are running a fever,” Skullmane said, pressing the back of her hand to his forehead. “You’ve gotten really pale.”

“I will be all right,” Sehun let out. He did not know if he would be all right. He was not sure what was causing him more distress. The fact that a man killed himself before him, or the idea that he might have caused it all by betraying the King’s Guard’s travel plans to the man that wanted to usurp the throne.

It was too bitter to swallow. He had wanted to be loyal to the man he loved. But now, he was not so sure.

The copses gradually thinned as they neared the edge of the woods. The air was sultry and heavy, windless. They soon reached a road that would lead them to the encampment in Aerth.

Sehun was dead on his feet as he dragged them along with the others.

“Are you all right?” a lackey asked when he had fallen too far behind from the rest of the King’s Guard.

Sehun nodded shakily. He would give anything for a warm bed and a good night’s sleep right about now.

He looked ahead at the Ruins of Aerth. It must have been a small city once. Now only derelict buildings and walls remained. A few tents were erected. As the sun rapidly set in the horizon, oil lamps and torches were lit in the buildings.

Sehun blinked at the horses and the men the stood guard around the encampment walls. He then jostled his way to the front where the King’s Guard had come to a halt.

“Why does your brother see the need to bring his troops to a peaceful negotiation, Your Grace?” asked one of the noblemen.

Prince Fredegar, mounted on his horse, glared ahead at the encampment with a lockjaw. He then exchanged a serious glance with Aaden, whose eyebrows were drawn together in a scowl.

They then proceeded toward the encampment. Banners bearing the Skyborn sigil hung from the walls. Sehun exhaled a breath in awe as he edged closer to the encampment. The soldiers were bustling about. Alvar’s guards were stationed at every corner. There were at least thirty horses hitched to their posts. It looked like a military camp.

And somewhere in there was Alvar.

It could have been either excitement or dread that gnawed at Sehun’s insides at that thought.

They were halted at the front of the encampment by a man, who was dressed in a uniform different from the other guards.

“Your Highness,” said the man, bowing before Prince Fredegar.

Dismounting the horse, the Prince approached the man. “Captain Gael,” said Fredegar. “Where is my brother?”

“He is awaiting your arrival, Your Grace,” said the other man. He had dark hair and skin, brown eyes, and a gnarly scar along a side of his face that made Sehun shudder. That must have hurt like hell. He must be the Captain of Alvar’s Guard.

“He has made a bit of a fuss, hasn’t he?” said Fredegar, gesturing to the soldiers-infested encampment.

“He is well-prepared, I reckon. We _are_ closer to his dominion than to yours, Your Grace,” said Captain Gael with a threatful smile.

“For now,” said the Crown Prince, returning a similar smile. “In a few moons, who’s to tell what his dominion would be.” He then started towards the entrance. “Shall we?”

Gael bowed his head once more before he turned to face Aaden with a stony look. “Captain Aaden,” he said sternly. “It is a pleasure to meet you once again.”

Aaden said nothing as he strutted past the man with a sour glower, drawing Blackfire with him by the reins. What sort of history ran between them, Sehun wondered.

He followed the rest into the encampment grounds. The tents were holding crates and casks, weapons and armours. Sehun recognized some of the guards who had accompanied Alvar to Novalon before.

Fredegar stopped at the entrance of a ramshackle building with Aaden on one side and the noblemen of his court on the other. Ragepelt, Bonemight, Asscrusher, Steelshout and a few others stood tall but at ease behind the Crown Prince.

“Egar,” Sehun heard Alvar’s voice booming through the encampment. With his stomach in knots, he watched the man, with a head full of golden strands, jaw covered in a thick beard, body swathed in a light armour, saunter out of the building. He wore a wide grin on his lips and held his arms open to embrace his brother.

“Brother,” Fredegar said monotonously.

Pulling back, Alvar cupped a side of his brother’s face and said, “Was it a safe and easy journey?”

Fredegar heaved a big breath. “I was attacked last night. In the dark. In my tent. By a mercenary.”

Alvar’s eyes widened, but he did not look all that appalled by the news. “You weren’t harmed, were you?”

“My Captain seized him before anything could happen,” said the younger Prince.

“Of course,” said Alvar, looking to Aaden with a smile. “You have the most competent Captain to oversee your protection in all of the realm. I am just surprised he had let a mercenary slip into your tent. He must have been distracted.”

Sehun bit his tongue. Aaden was distracted. He had been quieter than usual for the past few days, not that he was very chatty to begin with. But if he had let a mercenary get close to the Prince, he must have been distracted.

How could a man who was true to nothing but his duties could be caused to lose attention? And when that man was the Captain of the King’s Guard who had built his entire reputation on years of sharp judgments and steadfast focus that could not be easily dispelled.

“Shall we head inside, Egar?” said Alvar, draping an arm over his brother’s shoulders. “I know you would appreciate a hot bath and some good food. And your men will be well-accommodated, too.”

As they wended their way into the building, Sehun stood shakily with his knees trembling. It might have been the fever, but he could barely stand anymore.

Alvar had not even looked in his way.

Perhaps he could no longer pick Sehun out in a crowd now that he was not covered in pretty pearls and silks.

He silently followed Skullmane up a staircase of a building that was half collapsed while the others in the King’s Guard escorted Fredegar.

* * *

“Strongstare wants us to keep our eyes peeled at all times,” said Ragepelt later that night in the corridor.

Sehun looked around the room from where he was perched on the edge of the pallet and sighed. It was not half bad. But it was an accommodation fit for only a soldier. Not a noble. Sehun was not going to complain after having slept on cold, wet loam for the past several nights.

He had washed himself and changed into some cleaner clothes he had found laying about in the room. They did not fit him as they clung onto his body like a tent. But it was comfortable.

The room held five pallets. Skullmane insisted that Sehun did not share his with anyone so that he could get some good rest. She had even brought him some hot chicken pottage earlier. Sehun would have enjoyed it if only he had not felt so miserable over everything.

He could not shake the terrible thoughts away. Part of him wanted to go look for Alvar. But he knew his body would not allow it.

So, he lied down and closed his eyes, listening to the orders Ragepelt was relaying to the others.

Sleep came to him fairly easily that night. The fever helped keep the nightmares at bay.

* * *

He roused in the dead of the night to the unbearable snoring of Asscrusher. In the dark, he scowled at the man sleeping on the other side of the room. He could still hear some voices from down below.

Rising from his pallet, he shakily wobbled his way to the pot of water, wiping the beads of sweat collected on his forehead. Once he had quenched his thirst, he decided that he could use some fresh air. The room reeked of men’s sweat and dirty boots.

The fever must have gone down because his vision was much clearer now. And his head was not spinning anymore.

The encampment was structured to temporarily hold and accommodate troops. It had access to clean water and furnaces to cook food, from what Sehun had heard from Skullmane earlier.

Sehun was not sure where he would go when he made his way out of the room he and seven other guards shared. But eventually, he realized that his sore feet were taking him to Alvar.

He stopped outside in the corridor, however, heart missing a beat when he found Captain Aaden pacing a hole in the corridor’s floor.

Aaden froze when his eyes lifted to see Sehun staring at him vacantly with sleepy eyes.

For a long stretch, neither of them moved nor said a word. Sehun was thinking about that kiss again. The kiss he was not sure had even happened now.

Aaden had removed the overcoat of his uniform and had his black shirt partly unlaced with its sleeve rolled up to his elbows. Sehun rarely saw the man in anything but his uniform.

He looked flustered as he raised a hand to rub the back of his neck, gazing away tentatively.

Then clearing his throat, he looked up at Sehun and said, “I heard that you were not feeling well.”

Sehun did not reply. Mostly because he did not know what to say to that.

“You should have… said something,” Aaden continued to say in a voice so low that Sehun barely heard it. “I… would not have… made you walk.”

Sehun silently stared at him. But something was fluttering in his belly.

Aaden licked his lips, looking increasingly agitated. Sehun had never seen the man like that in any other instance except the other night when they had kissed.

“Are you… feeling better now?” he asked with a sigh.

Sehun lowered his gaze and nodded his head once, slowly.

Aaden said nothing for a while as he watched Sehun closely, swallowing a few times, flexing his hands in discomfort like he always did.

“You were right,” Sehun whispered at one point when he could find his voice. When he looked up at Aaden, green eyes were frowning at him. “I never should have come along. I don’t even… know what I’m doing here.”

“You learn,” said Aaden almost immediately. Sehun lazily blinked at him. “Every day, you learn something new. No matter how small or big the lesson. That is what adventure is all about. Experiences.”

Sehun’s throat closed. There was something so beautiful about hearing Aaden Ragnavor speak to him so gently.

He glanced away with tears welling up in his eyes. “I’m not sure… I want to experience… everything…”

Aaden took a step forward and stopped, fisting his right hand. “I’m sorry… you had to see that,” he said, comprehending instantly what Sehun’s distress was all about.

“I am not… used to this,” Sehun let out in a weak murmur. “I thought I could… soldier on and be the… boy everyone wants me to be. But I can’t. I can’t… hurt people or watch them get hurt. The guilt would… eat me alive.”

He was no longer sure if he were talking about the mercenary who had died or if he were talking about Fredegar who might have been harmed because of what Sehun had done.

“I know,” Aaden said. “I have known from the moment you looked at me with dread when I told you to pick up a sword and swing at me.”

Sehun could not speak anymore. He was worried that if he said something, he would break into a sob.

“Get some rest,” the Captain then said with a heavy breath before he turned around, shoulders slumped in disappointment and dejection, and walked away.

Sehun watched the man enter a room on the other end of the corridor before he shut the door behind him.

Even though Sehun wanted to confront Alvar to make sure that he was not behind the attack the other night, he decided to heed his Captain’s order and get some rest. Perhaps the last thing he needed right now with his brain frazzled and heart agonized was a confrontation.

 

 

#  C H A P T E R   E I G H T

 

 

 

The following morning was calmer than the past several days. Sehun was awakened by the cacophony the soldiers were making. When he sat up and rubbed his eyes, he found no one but himself in the room.

Grateful for the privacy, he washed himself with a cloth and the water from the basin before he headed down to the common ground where most of the Skyborn brothers’ guards were gathered.

He pushed through the loud crowd and came to the front only to find two men engaged in a duel. One of them was Ragepelt, and the other was one of Alvar’s soldiers.

“I would like to see you try and put your sword in me!” roared the soldier at Ragepelt. He had an accent. He was certainly not from Skairon. Perhaps he was from the north.

Brandishing the sword in his hand, Ragepelt scoffed and said, “That’s what your wife said when I was about to fuck her the other night!”

The crowd cheered with guffaws and crass remarks.

Ragepelt waited for his opponent to charge at him first. Using the soldier’s momentum against him, Ragepelt caught the man by the throat and clanged his sword against the soldier’s to disarm him.

Sehun moved away from the crowd. He could stomach another bloodshed so soon.

When he turned around, his eyes darted to Alvar and Fredegar who were leaning over a table under a tent. Gael, Aaden and the two noblemen stood by them to occasionally counsel the Princes.

Sehun neatened the creases on the oversized shirt he was wearing before he approached the tent. The guards stopped him before he could get too close to the Princes.

“It’s all right,” Aaden said at once when he took notice of Sehun.

That was when Alvar turned around and looked at Sehun. He did not seem to be affected by the way Sehun looked back at him as he returned his attention back to the scrolls that were unfurled before him on the table.

Sehun’s heart sank.

“If that is all, we shall set forth for the borders at first light the day after tomorrow,” said Alvar.

“Brother, you must promise to not to give out orders to your troops without consulting me,” said Fredegar. “They are not the Slavarian army. The Taitenian King will see it as a threat if you bring with us a horde of soldiers of fortune.”

“Egar, I told you, these men are here for your protection,” said Alvar. “They are yours to command, little brother.” His smile was deceivingly beautiful. “The Queen Regent refused to lend you her army, after all. So, until you are crowned King, these soldiers of fortune will be your defence.”

Fredegar stared at Alvar with his lips tightly sealed and jaw clenched.

Alvar clapped a hand on his shoulder then. “Why don’t we spend the night with some merrymaking? You and your men look like you could use some good ale. Tonight, we shall celebrate your forthcoming first victory, Egar.”

Sehun stepped aside when Alvar started to usher Fredegar out of the tent. He opened his mouth to call after the eldest Prince but fell silent when he realized this was not the place.

“Captain,” Golddust rasped, approaching Aaden. “There seems to be a situation with the weapon wagons.”

“I’ll be there in a moment,” said Aaden, glancing to the spot where the duel was taking place. “Tell them I ordered them to break it off and get to their posts.”

“Yes, Captain.” Golddust turned and stopped to bow before the Princes. “Your Grace.”

Sehun’s eyes instantly flitted to Alvar, who was pinning Golddust with a familiar smile that had once turned Sehun’s knees weak and wobbly.

“You have the prettiest people in your court, Egar,” Alvar commented as he walked away with his brother.

Golddust blushed at the offhanded compliment and turned away with a bashful grin.

Sehun would not have taken it to heart if only Alvar had spared him a glance. But perhaps he had done it because this was not the right time or circumstance for them to speak together.

“Was there something that you needed?” asked Aaden with a stern look.

Sehun did not answer as he spun around and stomped away with frustration bubbling in his chest.

* * *

The night was indeed dedicated to respite and merrymaking. The men sang and clinked their tankards full of ale. The King’s Guard, however, were ordered not to touch a single drop of ale. Captain Aaden wanted them on their sharpest at all times.

“I used to be a bard once!” exclaimed one of the drunk soldiers.

“Sing us a story!” someone else yelled in the crowd.

Under one of the tents, Alvar and Fredegar were seated side by side. Alvar was nursing a golden winecup in his hand. Prince Fredegar was not drinking. At their sides stood Captain Gael and Aaden, both looking equally tired and alert.

When Alvar eventually rose from his seat and wandered away from the tent, Sehun shot up to his feet and hurried after him.

Captain Gael stopped him when he advanced too far.

“My Prince,” Sehun gasped.

Alvar turned and looked at him with indifference at first. Then he smiled. “Gael, give us a moment.”

Nodding, the Captain stood away.

Sehun stared at Alvar with bated breath for a moment before he closed the distance between them. “It wasn’t you, was it?” he blurted out in a whisper, raising his hands to Alvar’s chest.

The Prince did not look like he was confused by the ambiguity of Sehun’s question. He smiled and wrapped his hands around Sehun’s wrists. “Of course, not,” he said gently. “How have you been?”

Sehun blinked. “Do you… swear?”

“Oh, my love,” Alvar sighed and pressed a hand to Sehun’s cheek. “I do not wish to be a King spawned from blood. You know me better than that.”

Sehun’s heart felt light then. He leaned closer.

But Alvar pulled away. “But I can see that you are growing fond of my brother.”

Sehun let out a raspy breath. “No,” he whimpered. “I-I’m… not.”

Alvar licked his simpering lips. “How will you prove it to me then?” he asked.

“How… can I?” he asked.

“You have travelled with him and the King’s Guard so far. Surely you must know something that he is unwilling to share with me.”

Sehun shook his head. “I do not, My Prince,” he let out.

“Or you are lying,” he said that with his smile. Sehun’s heart broke.

“I would never lie to you.”

Alvar gently cupped his chin and stroked a corner of his cheek his thumb. “Perhaps you would be of no use to me after all,” he said in a hiss before brushing past Sehun.

Puzzled and entirely dumbstruck, Sehun stood there with his hands trembling and heart shattering to smithereens. He wanted to run after the man he loved and beg him for forgiveness for a mistake he did not think he had even committed.

But when he returned to the common ground, he found Prince Fredegar staring at Skullmane, who was sitting among the other men, beaming and shaking her head every time one of them tripped and fell on his face.

And Alvar was talking to Golddust.

Sehun could not make his feet move any further as Alvar placed a hand on the small of Golddust’s back and led him toward the building.

With tears betraying his eyes, Sehun hurried away from there to find a secluded spot where he could cry his lungs out.

* * *

The night wore on. The merrymaking eventually came to an end with drunk men strewn all over the ground and the corridors of the buildings.

Sehun had run out of tears. So, he stared into the darkness from where he sat behind a tent. No one would find him there. No one was going to even look for him.

In that moment, he missed his family. His sisters. His mother. He thought about Ferhin and the way she had held him when he was in misery. She had told him that he was going to be all right.

He thought of the first time Alvar had touched him and kissed him. He had wanted no one else to come between them. He would be Alvar’s. And Alvar would be his destiny.

Perhaps he was just a naïve little sap who was wrong to believe in love after all. Just as Aaden had pointed out.

But Alvar loved him. He knew it. He was certain of it. Even though Alvar had never told him that. Even if he had never promised Sehun his heart. Not with his words.

Perhaps Sehun had angered him somehow with what he had accused the man of earlier. That had to be it. Maybe Alvar believed that his loyalty had swayed. It was not the case. Sehun loved Alvar. He hated himself for confronting him.

There had to be a way for him to placate Alvar’s resentment toward him. He just could not give what the Prince desired the most. But perhaps he could try.

Perhaps if he put aside all of his convictions and honour, if he stooped low enough to debase himself, he could make Alvar happy.

He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, fighting the sob that was rising in his throat once more. Then he rose to his feet and went where his feet were taking him.

It might have been on impulse that he ended up outside the Captain’s door.

He raised a shaky hand and tried to curl it into a fist before he rapped the door with it.

It took a moment for the door to open. And when it did, Sehun raised his bloodshot, swollen eyes to look up at Aaden.

The faint light that the torch in the corridor allowed flickered in Aaden’s eyes as they stared Sehun down in curiosity and surprise. Holding the door open, Aaden blinked at him, clad in a white undershirt, its laces unlaced, showcasing the cleft of his toned chest that was lightly dusted with dark hairs. When Sehun dropped his gaze, he noticed that Aaden was barefooted, too.

“S-Sehun?”

Sehun lifted his head and met the other man’s eyes. Aaden had never called him by his name. He had never really called Sehun anything but ‘kid’.

“What… are you… doing here?” he asked in a low voice.

His hair was a tousled mess. Some of it fell over his eyes. He must have shaved recently because his beard was trimmed to a stubble. It looked terribly prickly. Part of Sehun wanted to feel it scrape his pearly-white skin to a deep shade of red.

“Had I bothered your sleep?” asked Sehun, his mouth dry and voice thick.

Aaden mustered him from head to feet, eyebrows furrowing. “No… I was… not asleep.”

Sehun looked away, rubbing an arm. Then in a small murmur, he said, “Can I… come in for a moment?”

He heard the Captain exhale heavily. For a beat, Sehun thought that Aaden might turn him away. But then the green-eyed Captain pulled the door open and stepped aside for Sehun to enter.

Even though his body was quaking, and his nerves were on edge, there was a fierce fire in him that urged him to do something to rectify his mistakes. He could not afford to let Alvar down.

There was a candle lit by the barred window. The candleflame allowed almost no light to the dark room. The room did, however, have a sturdier and bigger bed than the pallets the guards were provided with. Sehun noticed Aaden’s uniform that was lying on the chair.

He shuddered when he heard the door shut. Turning around, he faced Aaden, who stood close to the door, his hands surprisingly unclenched at his sides. He did not seem much like his usual tetchy, grumpy self like this. It was almost as though a layer of him had been peeled off. And right now, he just stood there without his armour and guard. Sehun had never seen the man in an undershirt. He looked tired all the same, though.

He was waiting for Sehun to start speaking.

Swallowing, Sehun licked his lips and began to say, “I want to know…”

He paused to look for Aaden’s reaction. He could not really see much in the dark.

He continued with a shallow breath. “I want to know… why you… kissed me the other night.”

Aaden kept mum for a long while that his silence almost suffocated Sehun. Then in a hoarse whisper, he said, “Why do you think?”

It felt like a kick to his chest. Sehun winced and lowered his head. His wished that his heart did not swell so easily for every man who showed him any hint of affection. But Aaden’s affection was not as pronounced as Alvar’s. His fleeting moments of warmth toward Sehun made the latter wonder if the Captain were only after one thing. And that made it easier.

It felt wrong. He knew what he was about to do was wrong. But knowing that Aaden believed in no love and probably felt more lust than anything for Sehun convinced him that what he wanted to do for the man he loved was justifiable.

When he looked up at Aaden again, the taller man was staring at him with his chest heaving lightly. The candleflame flickered as the air in the room grew increasingly warm. Sehun could hear Aaden’s ragged breathing from where he stood on the other end of the small room. Otherwise, a thick yet fragile silence continued to hang between them.

And then Sehun was crossing the room. He made the first move this time. The blame was all his. The mistakes that were about to happen were on his account. The wrongs they would soon commit were his culpability.

As he lunged at Aaden, one of his hands flew up to grab the Captain by his undershirt while the other curled around the back of his neck to pull him down so that their lips could meet.

Aaden drew in a sharp breath as their mouths crashed against one another, his hands coming up to grip the sides of Sehun’s waist when Sehun shoved him back against the door.

Their second kiss was nothing like their first. But it affected Sehun all the same. He had thought that he could mask his longing behind a shield of lust, but as Aaden fiercely held him, their bodies pressed upon each other, their lips locked and breaths snatched, he found his chest to clench so tightly that it almost hurt.

Aaden was just another man. He was not Alvar. He was not someone Sehun loved. And Aaden clearly had no love for Sehun. In spite of all that, the kiss set Sehun’s skin on fire. Aaden’s hands that were on his body, clutching at it aggressively, made his head spin and his lungs hurt.

A grunt broke from Sehun’s throat when Aaden pulled away from the door only to slam Sehun against it before he took hold of Sehun’s face with both hands and deepened the kiss. His teeth grazed Sehun’s lower lip when he sucked on it, tugging at it lightly. Gasping into Aaden’s mouth, Sehun brought his hands to the man’s shoulder blades and fisted the undershirt there.

Aaden broke the kiss for a moment to catch his breath, his forehead pressed upon Sehun’s, his hand cupping Sehun’s cheek while his thumb swiped along the cheekbone. He let out Sehun’s name then in a breathy moan before smashing their lips together again.

Sehun was not sure why his heart was writhing, as though it were on flames. He had never kissed another man apart from Alvar, yes. But why did Aaden’s lips feel so familiar? Why did his hands feel so safe? Why was Sehun so convinced that Aaden would not hurt him?

He drew a hand down Aaden’s chest next, sliding his fingers along the cleft that was beginning to sweat. And beneath it, Sehun felt a quickening heartbeat. If only Aaden’s hands were not holding him up, his knees would have buckled already. Aaden kissed him like there was no tomorrow, like he did not care about breathing. His hands touched Sehun as though they had been longing to feel the heat of Sehun’s skin for too long.

Aaden gasped against Sehun’s mouth, his fingers tightening around the curve of Sehun’s neck while his other hand slipped down Sehun’s back. The want he had for Sehun was as clear as day in the way his lips devoured Sehun’s, his tongue demanded for more, and his body arched into Sehun’s, hips grinding against one another. Everywhere his scruffy jaw grazed on Sehun’s face left his skin red and sore. He eventually brought his hands to grip the sides of Sehun’s waist, yanking them forward until Sehun’s crotch was smashed against his own. The grunts that broke from the back of his throat and the groans that rumbled in his heaving chest made Sehun tremble. His skin was burning under the flimsy fabric of his undershirt. His bulge that was brushing against Sehun’s thigh was hardening with every breath, every stroke. When they broke apart again, Aaden gazed into Sehun’s lost eyes while panting for air.

Sehun had never seen a desire so pronounced in a man’s eyes. Aaden wanted him. Now and there.

But at the same time, there was a hesitance and self-restraint that were holding him back.

Had it only been lust, he would not have held himself back at all, would he?

Before Sehun could ponder on that any longer, Aaden kissed him again, his tongue parting Sehun’s lips open before it slithered into his mouth and stroked against his own tongue. As Aaden drew him away from the door, Sehun hooked his fingers around the hem of Aaden’s shirt. They broke the kiss momentarily for Sehun to yank Aaden’s undershirt over his head before tossing it to the floor. Then locking his arms around Aaden’s neck and shoulders, Sehun brought their mouths together once more for an ardent kiss that made the room spin around him.

Kissing Aaden was nothing like kissing Alvar. Sehun could not help but compare their kisses. Mostly on the account of his body that could not even stand upright receiving Aaden’s kisses. He knew, from the way Aaden’s muscles tautened under his hands, that it had been a while for Aaden. But he was not exactly a novice at it either.

As they reached the bed, Sehun shoved Aaden by the shoulders to plump on the edge of the bed, disconnecting their lips. Aaden’s hands came up to the sides of Sehun’s waist, which he held gently, head craned, eyes gazing up into Sehun’s with his lips parted and mouth panting. Along with lust, something stronger, a desire, a yearning swam in Aaden’s green, glistening eyes.

Sehun had never seen a yearning like that in Alvar’s.

As he slowly began to lift his shirt to take it off, Aaden’s gaze lowered to his belly and the chain that went around it. Sehun clenched his eyes when Aaden leaned in and pressed a kiss to his belly, the man’s stubble pricking the skin there. His fingers tightened around Sehun’s hips as he drew Sehun closer to brush another warm kiss along the navel.

Then looking up at Sehun again, in a husky voice, he said, “I want you.”

That left Sehun aghast. How often did a man who had very little ambitions and was only focused on his duties _want_? The thought of Aaden _wanting_ anything boggled Sehun.

Perhaps it was only lust after all. All men _wanted_. And they took what they wanted.

Without anything covering his upper body, Sehun stood before the Captain. He blushed when Aaden’s eyes raked his bared body, briefly fixing them on Sehun’s pinkish nipples. He brought his arms forward and clasped his hands together, blood filling his crimsoning cheeks. Aaden brought his hands to Sehun’s back then and drew him forward until Sehun’s knees were planted into the bed on either side of Aaden, straddling the man.

His rough hands that ran up and down Sehun’s back, his eyes that were now focused on Sehun’s mouth, the bulge inside his pants that was pressing into Sehun’s crotch, his burning skin, his rigid muscles, his eager lips, everything about him in that moment set Sehun’s blood ablaze.

When Sehun gently caressed a side of Aaden’s face, the man almost leaned into the touch. Sehun stroked his stubbled cheek before dragging his fingers along Aaden’s sharp jawline and then entangling them in Aaden’s hair at the back of his head.

“Kiss me,” Sehun exhaled, open-mouthed, lips brushing Aaden’s. He felt Aaden’s hands lowering down his back to cup his ass before Aaden kissed him again. It was deep, heated and intense. Sehun parted his mouth obediently when Aaden caught his lower lip between his teeth and sucked on it before tugging at it. His tongue then pressed against Sehun’s, licking the ridge of his mouth. He did not break the kiss or let Sehun catch his breath until he was satisfied.

Leaning his head, Aaden proceeded to plant a kiss on Sehun’s neck before he raised it to Sehun’s ear and whispered, “Can I… have you?”

Sehun shivered, fingernails digging into Aaden’s shoulders. All men wanted, yes. But Sehun had not heard of a man who _asked_ if he could have what he wanted. Especially when what he wanted was already in his hands.

A new kind of trust bloomed in Sehun’s heart for Aaden. A security he did not have for even Alvar all the times they had been together.

In a low moan, Sehun said, “Y-Yes…”

Grappling his arms around Sehun’s back, Aaden lifted him from his lap and shifted on the bed to lay Sehun down.

Placing a chaste kiss on Sehun’s lips, Aaden then slithered down Sehun’s body to pepper his chest and abdomen with kisses before he paused to look up at Sehun.

“Is this… okay?” he asked, his expression twisted in worry.

Sehun blinked bashfully and bit onto his bottom lip, giving Aaden a shy nod of his head. “I… I like that,” he rasped breathlessly.

Pleased with Sehun’s response, Aaden proceeded to pepper Sehun’s belly with more kisses, hands latched to the sides of Sehun’s torso. Every kiss had Sehun gasping, and as Aaden slid lower, his lips leaving a trail of kisses along the waistline, Sehun’s back arched off the bed.

There was something about the way Aaden touched and kissed him that made Sehun feel things he had never felt before. He could not pinpoint to what those feelings were, but they were there, like a punch to the gut, like a knife to the heart.

The further they went, the more Sehun began to hesitate. But at the same time, his body was not willing to stop. His lips were loath to object.

When Aaden stopped for a moment to look up, their eyes met in a languid, tacit longing that robbed Sehun of his breaths. Then keeping their gazes locked, Aaden bowed his head and kissed the skin beneath Sehun’s navel while his fingers gently played with the belly chain.

Part of Sehun hoped that Aaden would stop on his own. Perhaps he would come to his senses and stop it all. Before they could go too far.

Pushing himself upright, he caught Aaden’s face in his hands and drew the man up. Aaden crawled forward an inch before stopping to stare into Sehun’s eyes, his breaths short and shallow. He almost looked like he was in disbelief.

“Are you… sure?” he asked.

Sehun could not tell what exactly Aaden meant by that. “Sure about… what?” he let out, hands still cupping the man’s face, holding it close to his own.

Frowning, Aaden muttered, “This… Me…”

Sehun blinked. Aaden looked hurt and a little self-conscious, all wrapped up in a frenzy of disbelief. “What does… that mean?” Sehun asked, gaze piercing into Aaden’s eyes.

“A man like me… does not usually get the attention of… the likes of you,” said Aaden, his fingers still fidgeting with Sehun’s belly chain. “You’re of… noble birth and…” he trailed off momentarily to raise a hand to tenderly take hold of Sehun’s chin. “And I…”

Sehun kissed him then, climbing up to his knees. That was strange. He had never known a man who wanted to be worthy enough to take someone. Especially not when it involved just lust. The insecurity, the vulnerability that Aaden had shown Sehun were unexpected. Aaden was a man who did not even like having vulnerabilities, much less displaying them to someone else.

Sehun fisted a hand in Aaden’s hair, head slightly tossed back, eyes clenched, as Aaden kissed his neck. An embarrassing whimper escaped him when he felt the warm pair of lips brush his tender nipple. Aaden looked up at him one more time before he gently tongued the nipple, hands pressed against Sehun’s back, as though to hold him in place.

Shaking, Sehun sank his teeth into a lip and bit back on a moan as he writhed and panted. He tried to stay silent for as long as he could. But as Aaden began to suck on the nipple, a coarse whimper fell from his lips.

Aaden groaned lightly when Sehun aggressively tugged at his hair. Raising his head, he kissed all over Sehun’s collarbone before he latched his teeth to the crook of Sehun’s neck to nip at the skin there.

“Ah… Aaden…” Sehun moaned reflexively. Aaden gasped against Sehun’s neck, dragging his lips up to Sehun’s chin. Then softly kissing it, he looked up at Sehun.

“You’re,” he exhaled, brushing their lips together, hands sliding to Sehun’s lower back. Sehun knew what Aaden was about to say. If he had learned anything from Alvar, it was that men who wanted him appreciated his beauty. But what Aaden said next surprised him. Not that the man had not been surprising Sehun since the first day they had met. “driving me… crazy.”

Sehun sucked a breath, tongue lightly grazing Aaden’s lips. He had expected honeyed words and false flattery. But what he got from Aaden in that moment was honest and painful.

“You have been,” Aaden muttered upon Sehun’s mouth, fingers gliding past the waistband of Sehun’s trousers to stroke the tailbone. “from the moment I saw you…”

He then picked Sehun up before pinning him on the bed again. The more Aaden’s burning, sweaty, hard body pressed against his supple, lithe, tender body, the more Sehun’s heartbeat rate escalate.

He sank his fingernails into Aaden’s sharp shoulder blades as Aaden kissed him full on the mouth, grinding his crotch between Sehun’s legs. The thick fabric of their trousers caused a delicious friction that had Sehun gasping.

Then breaking the kiss, Aaden went down on Sehun’s body, leaving trails of kisses behind on Sehun’s reddened skin. Once he was low enough, he rose to his knees and took one long moment to leer at Sehun’s exposed belly with something akin to admiration and perplexity.

Sehun drew in a sharp breath when the man brought one hand to his belly and splayed his fingers over it while the other began to tug at the laces of Sehun’s trousers one by one.

“All… right?” Aaden asked, as though to make sure that what he was doing was okay with Sehun.

Sehun nodded his head shakily, pressing the back of a hand to his mouth to muffle any whimpers. He did not know what was about Aaden’s strong, rough hand was pinned against his stomach so gently that made him burn with embarrassment. Perhaps it was not embarrassment. Perhaps he enjoyed it. The admitting that enjoyment was embarrassing. The little jolts of shivers that passed from the pit of his belly to his loins were unequivocally gratifying. The tension of sharing his body with another man both felt oddly good and terrifying. But he felt safe, nonetheless. Anyone would feel safe with Aaden, would they not?

Aaden was trustworthy. But who was worthy enough of Aaden’s trust?

Once he was done unlacing Sehun’s trousers, both of his hands moved to hold the sides of Sehun’s waist as he bowed his head and kissed Sehun on the belly.

Then his fingers at Sehun’s sides hooked around the waistband of the pants and slowly lowered them. Sehun kept his teeth sunk into his lip while he watched Aaden kiss all over his stomach. When he had drawn the trousers low enough to reveal Sehun’s hipbones, he dragged his mouth down to pelt them with tender kisses.

Aaden eventually straightened up and took in the sight before him for one long moment before he stripped the pants off of Sehun and discarded them on the floor.

Without a single article of clothing on his body, save the belly chain around his waist, Sehun turned his reddened face away, drawing his legs together.

Aaden’s breathing visibly and audibly grew rougher as he gently drew his hands along Sehun’s thighs, coaxing them to open. Then licking his lips, he blinked his heavy eyes languidly before leaning down to press a kiss to the inside of Sehun’s thigh. Sehun could not tame the moan that spilled from his mouth then.

He reflexively brought a hand to clutch at Aaden’s hair as Aaden continued to fill his thighs with painfully soft kisses that were complemented by the roughness of his beard. And the lower he went, the more Sehun’s heartbeat quickened.

Aaden’s gaze rose to Sehun, his arms grappled around Sehun’s thighs. “Is this okay?” he asked.

Sehun could hardly respond, unable to find his voice, unable to move a muscle. But he managed to flex his fingers that were buried in Aaden’s hair, stroking it as though to signal his consent.

Then leaning his head back against the pillow, he tried to concentrate on anything but Aaden’s hot breath that was blanketing his hardening shaft.

Aaden kissed Sehun’s skin by the base of the member. It sent another jolt down Sehun’s spine, and his fingers tightened around Aaden’s hair. He planted another kiss to the base before he pulled back a little to brush his lips upon the slit of Sehun’s twitching length.

With a whimper and a barely audible voice, Sehun said, “Please… don’t.”

He did not know what he was asking Aaden not to do, if he were being honest. Did he not want Aaden to put his mouth on him like that, or did he not want Aaden to tease him?

Aaden stopped either way. “I’m… sorry.”

“No, no,” Sehun rasped, propping himself up on his elbows. His eyes were blurred by tears. “I… like… it,” he conceded bashfully. “I’ve just… never…”

He trailed off, not wanting to admit that he was a novice in that arena. Sure, he had pleasured Alvar every single time they had been together. But he could not recall if the man had ever done such a thing to him.

With relief washing over his expression, Aaden leaned down once more, eyes fixed on Sehun’s. In a sea of sorrow, desperation, anguish and indignation, Sehun felt a wave of arousal and desire.

As Aaden’s tongue darted out to lick the slit on the cockhead, Sehun grabbed onto the sheets of the bed, throat parched, teeth clenched. Then wrapping his lips around Sehun’s swelling shaft, Aaden sank in. His mouth was wet and warm, the walls of his cheek soft as they closed around the length. The pleasure from knowing that a man would take him like that was stunning.

Aaden sucked him off good and proper, fingers aimlessly fiddling with Sehun’s belly chain. His tongue swirled around the length and lapped along the underside of the member. Part of Sehun wanted to feel that mouth on the rest of his body.

Then Aaden pulled back, just as Sehun was edging closer to his peak. “Not yet,” he whispered, noticing Sehun’s bated breaths and messed-up appearance.

He took hold of Sehun’s hips and turned him around to lie on his stomach. Unsure of what was about to ensue, Sehun pressed his forehead into the mattress and moaned when he felt Aaden’s mouth on his tailbone.

Biting into the sheets, Sehun tried to keep himself calm as Aaden cupped a side of his ass with one of his callused, large hands while his breath stroked the cleft of the ass. He croaked out a grating moan when Aaden slid his warm tongue along the crack and passed it over the puckered rim of muscles.

“Aaden,” Sehun mewled into the sheets breathlessly as Aaden’s mouth ravaged him. Though it felt odd at first, Sehun was soon crying out in moans and whimpers while Aaden ran his tongue all over the opening, smearing it with spit and the heat of his breath. And the way his beard scraped Sehun’s skin was a different sort of pleasure. It made Sehun writhe and shudder.

Pulling away momentarily, Aaden grabbed Sehun by his hips and yanked them up to stand Sehun on all fours. Then spitting on the opening, he brought his fingers to rub it, slicking the orifice with the spit.

Sehun was a crying, whimpering, trembling, sweating mess while Aaden stroked the opening, fingers gently massaging the muscle. And the more Sehun moaned, the more Aaden was encouraged. He bowed his head a few times to eat Sehun out before he turned Sehun around to lie on his back again.

It was in that moment when Sehun realized how incredibly handsome Aaden was. His strong, muscle-bound body, his beautiful tan skin, the scars that adorned it, the fine hairs that were dusted over his chiselled chest, the muscles of his powerful arms and the trail of hairs that ran from his navel to the base of his cock. And then there was his beautiful face. Sharp nose, high cheekbones, angular jaw, bright green eyes, and his tousled dark hair. Everything about him could make anyone go mad for him. Why would he even doubt if he were deserving of Sehun…

Bared and flushed red, Sehun draped an arm over his belly while he watched Aaden undo the laces of his trousers. He briefly climbed out of the bed to step out of the trousers before he returned to kneel between Sehun’s legs that were spread open.

Sehun raised his head a little to glimpse at Aaden, who was completely unclothed now. His sharp hipbones, deep waistlines and arching thick cock caught Sehun’s attention at once. Taking hold of his hard cock in his hand, Aaden gave it a few strokes with his gaze raking Sehun’s body. Sehun did not think he had ever seen a man as lustful and aroused as Aaden was in that moment.

He sat up and shifted to his knees. He looked at Aaden for a length before he bent low, parting his lips. Aaden withdrew his hand when Sehun raised his to wrap it around the man’s pulsating cock. Then licking his lips, Sehun looked up at Aaden, who looked a little hesitant.

He then cupped the back of Sehun’s head and carded his fingers through Sehun’s hair lovingly. “You don’t have to,” he muttered. There was no insincerity in his tone. He really did not want to put Sehun through anything he was uncomfortable with.

Sehun pulled his mouth open and enveloped it around Aaden’s thick cockhead. His heart fluttered when Aaden tossed his head back with a guttural moan, his fingers secured around the strands of Sehun’s hair.

Sehun tried to sink in as far as he could before the tip of Aaden’s length knocked against the back of his throat, and he gagged.

Withdrawing, Sehun gazed up at the other man with the corners of his mouth trickling saliva. Aaden caught his face with both hands then and leaned down to smash their mouths together for a sloppy, filthy kiss. It was more intimate than anything Sehun had experienced.

Then laying Sehun back down, Aaden continued to kiss him slowly but hungrily. He only broke away to spit onto his fingers before he brought them to the cleft of Sehun’s ass. Covering Sehun’s mouth with his own once more, his fingers rubbed the spit onto the tight opening.

Sehun’s moans were muffled by Aaden’s lips when he felt one of Aaden’s fingers, slicked with saliva, slid into him.

“Aaden,” he whimpered into the man’s mouth and folded his legs around Aaden’s waist, locking his ankles together. Aaden then grabbed one of Sehun’s wrists and pinned it to the mattress near Sehun’s head while grinding his cock against Sehun’s hipbone.

Sehun wished that Aaden would just fuck him already. He groaned a few times against Aaden’s tongue as Aaden fingered him, painfully slowly.

“Harder,” Sehun rasped, kissing Aaden back fiercely. Aaden pulled the finger out to spit once more on his hand before he rubbed Sehun’s opening and pushed in two fingers. “Ah… Aaden…”

He loved how familiar Aaden’s name sounded on his lips. And the way Aaden’s fingers curled inside him, reaching for his sweet spots, brushing against bundles of nerves felt undeniably good. As Sehun’s insides tightened around his fingers, Aaden pounded harder against Sehun’s hip.

“Sehun,” Aaden moaned into Sehun’s mouth, his breathing ragged and aggressively hard, as his hand gripped Sehun’s wrist.

Sehun was not sure that he could hold himself back any longer. And then retrieving his fingers, Aaden broke the kiss to stain his hand with enough spit before he coated his cock with it.

A shaky whimper broke from Sehun’s throat when the head of Aaden’s cock rubbed against his fingered opening. The teasing almost drove Sehun to the edge of his restraint.

When he finally slid his cockhead into Sehun, both of their breathing seized. “All right?” Aaden inquired, panting, his hand loosening around Sehun’s wrist to hold Sehun’s hand instead, lacing their fingers together.

“Yes,” Sehun let out and raised his head so that their lips would meet again. Aaden then slithered all the way in.

Sehun gasped for air, throbbing around Aaden’s cock that filled him completely. Short grunts rolled in Aaden’s chest as he slowly pulled out before sliding back in.

With just a couple of thrusts, Sehun was biting Aaden’s lip, dragging his fingernails along Aaden’s back.

“Deeper… Aaden…” Sehun moaned when he felt Aaden edge closer to his sweet spot.

Aaden tilted his head to fill Sehun’s neck with a few kisses before he straightened up, kneeling between Sehun’s thighs with one of his legs hanging onto Aaden’s shoulder.

Holding onto Sehun’s thigh with one hand while the other clutched at a side of Sehun’s waist along with the belly chain, Aaden began to thrust into him deep and hard.

Beads of sweat trickled down his chest and abdomen as he drove into Sehun.

He then drew his hand from Sehun’s thigh to grab his foot. Gasping with his back arching off the bed, Sehun watched Aaden bring the foot to his lips.

Aaden kept the pace of his thrusts steady while he kissed all over the sole of Sehun’s blistered foot. He grunted lightly when Sehun pressed the foot to his chest.

He could feel the beat of Aaden’s heart against the sole of his foot. He broke into rough whimpers and groans as Aaden fucked him harder, although he held onto some self-restraint.

Aaden pulled out several times to slick his cock with more spit before slamming back into Sehun.

Then leaning in again, Aaden kissed him brutally on the mouth, his fingernails digging into Sehun’s skin on his thighs. “Can I… come… inside you?” he asked, mumbling upon Sehun’s lips.

Sehun sank his teeth into Aaden’s lower lip and tugged at it while one of his hands fiercely gripped Aaden’s hair. “I want… you to,” he panted back into the man’s mouth.

That was when Aaden clasped a hand around Sehun’s own shaft and began to stroke it, falling in sync with his thrusts.

Sehun came first, spilling all over Aaden’s hand and abdomen. Although he was entirely worn out, he continued to kiss Aaden as the man neared his climax.

When he reached it at last, he raised one hand to the wall above Sehun’s head while the other was clamped around Sehun’s waist, and came inside Sehun with a beasty growl, filling him with his thick, warm come.

Then with the come slicking the walls of Sehun’s throbbing insides, he continued to thrust, fucking Sehun until he was wholly exhausted.

Bathed in sweat and all out of breath, Aaden collapsed onto Sehun and did not pull out for a long time while they caught their breaths.

Sehun tried to focus on his breathing, even though his muddled mind was already elsewhere.

* * *

Daybreak was well-nigh. The air in the room was colder now with the smell of sweat and sex hanging heavily in it.

They had managed to catch a few winks. Only a few. Not that either of them cared much about sleep at the moment.

With their bodies tangled under the blanket that barely fitted them both, Aaden lay partially on top of Sehun, with an arm spread over his chest, a hand playing lazily with Sehun’s hair, his lips brushing ceaseless little kisses on Sehun’s cheek, a side of his head resting on the pillow next to Sehun.

Those little kisses calmed and agitated Sehun at the same time. The way Aaden was still kissing him so tenderly, as though he were not ready to let Sehun go, alarmed Sehun greatly.

“What did you mean,” Sehun asked in a whisper eventually, breaking the pleasant silence of the night. Aaden did not stop kissing his face, his prickly stubble grazing Sehun’s cheek. “when you said… that I’ve been… driving you crazy since the first time you… saw me?”

Aaden stopped then only to bury his face in the crook of Sehun’s neck. He did not answer immediately while he breathed heavily against Sehun’s shoulder. He then brought his hand to caress a corner of Sehun’s sore waist. He sounded tired and sleepy when he spoke again.

“Did I… hurt you?” he asked.

Sehun nuzzled his nose into Aaden’s hair. “No. Don’t worry. I’m… fine.”

“I’m sorry if I hurt you in any way.”

Sehun took a breath. “Won’t you answer my question?” he asked softly.

Aaden rubbed his lips and stubble against Sehun’s neck.

“I saw you… years ago,” he said at length. “You did not see me.” He raised his head then and met Sehun’s eyes. “You would never see… me, I thought. And it was fair. But you… you were something else.”

The emotion that Aaden’s eyes exuded in that instant rendered Sehun speechless for a while.

“You were… _are_ different,” Aaden then added with a heavy breath. “You are… fascinating.”

Sehun could not look away from the man’s eyes. They were captivating because they spoke the truth. “So, I’m… fascinating,” he muttered dully. He was not sure why a remark that he usually took as a compliment sounded like an insult coming from the man he had just been so vulnerable with. Alvar had showered him with such praises, too. But strangely enough, Sehun did not feel flattered when it came from Aaden.

“You were… confusing,” then Aaden said.

Sehun blinked.

“I could not… figure you out. You were far from everything that I…” He paused to take a breath. “What I mean is… you weren’t afraid of being who you are. You flaunted it. You did not hide away. You did not see it… as a flaw.”

Sehun watched Aaden’s eyebrows furrow a little. “Are you… embarrassed of who you are?” he asked the man, his heart breaking a little.

Aaden remained silent.

“Aaden—”

He got off Sehun and sat up on the edge of the bed, slouching with his head hung. “I am not… _embarrassed_ ,” he spat, at length, through his teeth. He sounded like his usual self again.

Sitting up, Sehun lowered his gaze. “If it makes you feel any better… you are confusing, too.”

Aaden glanced back to him with an amused look. “How so?”

Sehun shrugged, drawing the blanket up to his chest as he hugged his knees. “No one could really read you.”

“Were you trying to?”

Sehun chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. “I thought… a man like you… would never want anything.”

Aaden scoffed and shifted his weight on the bed before he curled an arm around Sehun’s waist. Then with eyes boring into Sehun’s, he said, “I wanted a lot of things.” He leaned his head and laid a kiss on Sehun’s shoulder. “I cannot complain. I am somewhere in life I never thought I could be. So, now… I did not think I could want more. I could not… ask for too much.” He cupped a side of Sehun’s face and sighed. “Wanting… you… was… too much.”

He brushed his lips against Sehun’s cheekbone. Exhaling heavily, Sehun shut his eyes and almost moaned as Aaden’s stubble grazed his skin.

“Tell me,” Aaden murmured into Sehun’s ear. “Did you… notice me before?”

Sehun sighed and shook his head.

“Why do you notice me now?”

For a moment, Sehun could not utter a word, his tongue thick and frozen. Then pulling away, he said, “I should… go.”

Aaden drew back too, looking at Sehun forlornly. “You may sleep here.”

“The sun is almost up,” Sehun muttered as he reached for his trousers from the floor.

Aaden did not protest any further. He fell back on the bed and threw an arm over his forehead while Sehun clothed himself.

Nearly every part of his body was sore. He did not know how many of the bruises were visible. In the dark, he noted the slight discolouration on his wrist where Aaden had gripped earlier when he had it pinned to the mattress.

He glanced at the Captain, who was sprawled on the bed with one hand tucked under his head and the blanket barely covering his lower body.

“What happens,” Sehun asked, holding the crumpled shirt to his chest. “when we reach the borders?”

Aaden stared at him without an answer.

Sehun licked his lips and crawled back into the bed. Aaden sat himself upright. “You said that… Prince Alvar is expecting a fight. What will happen if… there’s a fight?”

He did not know how much Aaden would betray. He raised a hand to Aaden’s chest.

The man shook his head lightly. “I don’t want you to worry,” he said. “Everything will be all right.”

Sehun frowned. “How do you know that?”

Aaden sighed heavily. “Fredegar has his tactics. He has a capable court. Competent advisors. He is not going to believe Alvar’s promises blindly.”

“You don’t believe in them?” Sehun asked, blinking. “Why? He has no reason to… lie.”

“You do not know him,” said Aaden.

Sehun took offence from that remark. But he did not respond to it. “Is it not in everyone’s best interest that this concludes without bloodshed?”

“It is in the Crown Prince’s best interest.”

“And Prince Alvar wishes for that.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Aaden admitted.

Alvar wanted to usurp the throne, yes. That much was clear to Sehun now. And he wanted to dethrone the current monarch. But would he put his brother in harm’s way to achieve it? He just swore to Sehun that he had no intention of hurting Fredegar.

“If you think so, how are you going… counter his plans?” asked Sehun, pushing Aaden for as much as he could milk out of the man.

Unfortunately, Aaden did not divulge anything more as he leaned in and brushed a kiss on Sehun’s temple. “It is nothing for you to worry about.”

Sehun flinched away. “I am a guard, too. Why do you treat me like I’m a kid that wouldn’t understand?”

Aaden’s brows drew together at once. “What?”

“I mean…” Sehun stopped himself, realizing that he was causing a fit.

Aaden huffed tiredly then. “You are not a guard yet. You are a guard-in-training. When I say that it isn’t something you should worry yourself with, I am not trying to put you down. I’m sorry if you think that.”

Sehun looked into those earnest eyes once more. It was as though Aaden was two different men. Perhaps his affection and benignity were reserved to only a few. Sehun was equally gladdened and terrified by it.

Once he had dressed himself, he paused to look back at Aaden again. Even though his body was wasted and devastated, looking at the man, stark naked, spent and limp, made him throb on the inside.

Aaden rose from the bed to cup Sehun’s face in his hands. “I want you to know,” he said, gaze fixed on Sehun’s lips. “that meant… something to me.”

Sehun wished he could say the same. Perhaps it did mean something to him, and he was refusing to acknowledge it. Or he was just afraid of acknowledging the fact that he had loved every moment they had been together that night. It felt _wrong_ to admit that.

Aaden kissed him one last time. It was deep and promising. Sehun brought his hands to the man’s shoulder blades and kissed him back firmly, almost not wanting to let go.

It was then when it hit him that he had lain with a man out of sheer desperation for another man. The betrayal, the dishonesty, the cruelty that came with the act choked him for a moment.

He pulled back and looked away, unable to meet Aaden’s eyes. When he turned around, he winced in discomfort, realizing that not only was he in pain, he was not entirely certain that Aaden had not rearranged his insides.

“Sehun,” Aaden called just as Sehun reached the door.

Stopping, Sehun looked back at him.

Aaden seemed distraught with limpid worry in his frown. “You are not going to… hold this against me, are you?”

Sehun’s heart thundered then. For a stretch, his throat closed, and he wondered if Aaden had his doubts and suspicions about Sehun.

“What do you mean?” he asked, hands fisted behind his back.

Aaden ran a hand through his mussed hair and sighed. “Nothing.”

Sehun swallowed hard and shook his head diffidently. “I’m not going to hold it against you,” he said in a low murmur before letting himself out of the room.

As he hurried toward the lavatory near the room he shared with the other guards, he felt sick from the pit of his stomach.

 

 

# C H A P T E R   N I N E

 

 

 

“Are you all right?”

Sehun lifted his head to look at Skullmane, who was staring at him with an arched brow. “Yes,” he muttered, returning his attention to the sword he was whetting. He was grateful for any distraction he could get. So, he was glad when he received an order from Ragepelt to whet and polish the weapons while the other readied for the journey tomorrow.

“You don’t seem like it,” said Skullmane, grabbing one of Sehun’s hands. “You are doing it wrong.” She adjusted Sehun’s hand around the whetstone. “If you keep doing it that way, you might just lose a finger on that blade there.”

Sehun did as he was taught. “I’m sorry.”

Skullmane pinned him with an odd look then. Sehun was exhausted from the sleeplessness and the fatigue that was awarded by the sex he had had with Aaden last night. The morning heat was also too much to bear. And in the midst of it all, he was constantly hounded by the troubling thoughts that would not leave him alone even for a moment.

He might have learnt something from Aaden that Alvar was not aware of. Had that not been the plan when he had gone looking for Aaden the previous night? So, why was he so hesitant to just find Alvar and inform the man of what Aaden had told him?

“What happened to your arm?” inquired Skullmane, looking to the bruise on Sehun’s wrist that had been printed by Aaden’s ridiculously powerful grip.

Sehun drew the sleeve of the shirt over it and murmured, “Nothing.”

He thought about what Aaden had told him just before he left the room. He was worried about Sehun holding what they had done together against the man. Alvar had never been concerned with such things.

But the again, he was a Prince, albeit royal bastard. He was one of the most powerful men in the country.

Aaden was replaceable. He could be demoted from his position as Captain of the King’s Guard and the Commander of the Slavarian army. Or worse, he could be dismissed from the service altogether. He had a brother who depended on him, too.

Sehun’s hands began to tremble when he thought about everything that was at stake for Aaden. And that was for if he were found guilty of laying with men. Sehun could not begin to imagine how much Aaden would lose if he were found guilty of treason.

A treason Sehun was considering committing. Aaden was at least an abetter, even though he was unaware.

Why did Aaden trust Sehun so much, anyway? It was not that, Sehun slowly realized. Aaden trusted all of his men. He trusted the King’s Guard with his life. Sehun knew that most of them already knew what he had learnt last night. Aaden was adept at reading people. Then he must have terribly misread Sehun.

Around noon, Sehun joined Bonemight, Ragepelt and some of the other guards under a tent for a bowl pottage. As he sank down at a table, his gaze darted to Golddust, who was sitting at a table across him. He flashed a lopsided grin when he looked to Sehun.

Clenching his jaw, Sehun gripped the spoon with more force than necessary.

“Is something wrong, Honeypearl?” asked Ragepelt, draping an arm over Sehun’s shoulders. “You look a little troubled.”

Sehun glared over at Golddust once more. “No,” he spat through his teeth and shot up to his feet to leave, having lost his appetite.

He halted in his tracks when he saw Prince Fredegar walk into the tent with Alvar at his side. Behind them followed Captain Gael and Aaden.

Sehun blinked blankly at Aaden for a while, perusing the man’s stony glower and hard expression. Was this the same man Sehun had been with last night? The man who was not afraid of showing his vulnerabilities for once. The man who was nothing but gentle to Sehun.

Looking at him now, Sehun believed that this bleak and harsh front that Aaden often put up was only a façade. The man was capable of admitting his weaknesses and his desires.

Sehun felt his heart flutter and cheeks grow warm when he was reminded of the way he had writhed under Aaden until the break of dawn.

Aaden’s scowling eyes surveyed the tent, as though he were searching for someone. When they eventually landed on Sehun, his expression softened immediately, though only for a moment. Then clearing his throat, he turned his attention to the Princes once more. Sehun’s chest tightened. That was adorable.

The guards and Alvar’s soldiers rose as the Princes took their seats at their table. While Aaden took his position behind Fredegar, Gael stood behind Alvar.

“I hope you will all feed your bellies generously,” said Alvar, lifting a winecup. “It is a long ride and walk to the borders.”

“Our bellies are plenty fed, Your Highness,” said Ragepelt. “Our cocks, however.”

Alvar laughed heartily at that. Fredegar’s gaze flitted to where Skullmane was sitting at. “That I cannot help you with, soldier,” said Alvar before he glanced to Aaden with an amused smirk. “But your Captain is a man of virtue, I hear. Surely, some of that self-restraint must rub off on his men.”

Sehun felt the humiliation on Aaden’s behalf. But Aaden did not flinch as he continued to stare ahead with a blank slate for a face, hands at his back. He was on duty, nothing could faze him right now.

“Is that not right, Captain Aaden?” asked Alvar. “Nobody has ever heard you talk about your endeavours in bed.”

Sehun gripped his hands that began to shake.

With steely-eyed pique, Aaden kept his gaze straight ahead as he said, “Empty barrels make the most noise, Your Highness.”

Fredegar hid a snicker behind his fingers as the King’s Guard broke into a guffaw.

Alvar smirked and nodded his head curtly, taking a sip from his winecup. As Sehun took his seat at the table again, he kept his eyes on Alvar.

The Prince did not look for him in the crowd. Or perhaps he had noticed Sehun’s presence and chosen to ignore it. Perhaps he was still upset with Sehun about last night.

* * *

Later that day, Sehun found Aaden roaming the corridor outside the room where Prince Fredegar was staying.

Approaching, the Captain, he said, “You sent for me, Captain?”

Aaden’s head shot up and turned to him at once. The worry in his expression was as clear as day.

Once he had glanced around as though to make sure no one else but the was around, he stomped over to Sehun and caught him by the arms before he slammed Sehun against the wall.

Then without a word, he grabbed Sehun’s face and kissed him ferociously.

The kiss was brief, but it still managed to leave Sehun breathless and jaded.

Curling his hands around Aaden’s uniform overcoat, Sehun opened his eyes to meet Aaden’s tensed gaze that was looking for something in Sehun’s reaction.

Sehun stared at him with widened eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked in a soft voice.

Aaden pulled away then, clearing his throat. He looked down the corridor one more time before facing Sehun again. “Just… making sure.”

Sehun blinked. “Making sure?”

“Get back to work,” with that order, Aaden turned away, rubbing the nape of his neck.

Leaning against the wall, Sehun confusedly watched the Captain walk away, looking more pleased than anything.

Sehun then lifted a hand to brush his fingers on his lips. Stolen kisses. He never knew they could feel so wonderful.

And painful.

When he finally found the strength to move, he tore away from the wall and turned to head back to the tents. That was when he was halted by the sound of Alvar’s voice in the corridor.

“At first light,” he heard Alvar say before he saw the Prince enter the corridor with his Captain. “No delays.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

Alvar stopped when his eyes turned to Sehun. He heaved a sigh then, as though he were tired.

Sehun flinched like he had just been stung. Was Alvar tired of him? Was he tired of Sehun following him around? Was he tired of Sehun wanting to see him?

“Give us a moment,” he told Gael, who bowed his head and went away at once. Sehun stood his ground as Alvar approached him with his usual, genial smile. “My love,” he called.

Sehun bit his tongue so hard that he almost tasted blood.

He raised a hand to Sehun’s face then. When he leaned in, Sehun turned away, refusing him a kiss.

A fleeting surprise crossed Alvar’s expression before he smiled again, dropping his hand from Sehun’s face. “Is something the matter?”

“You said that I was of… no use to you,” muttered Sehun, heartbroken.

Alvar grabbed his jaw then and forced Sehun to meet his vicious blue eyes. “Well, are you?”

“Why does it matter?” Sehun rasped. “We love each other.” His eyes stung with tears as his hands clung to Alvar’s shirt.

Nothing shifted in Alvar’s gaze. He sighed and released Sehun before taking a step back. “You seem tired. Perhaps you should get some rest.”

With that, he walked away.

Sehun’s breaths came out hard and short. He wanted to say something that would make Alvar stay. But he could not bring himself to say anything. He could not betray what Aaden had told him.

“Wait,” he let out.

Alvar turned his head around and pinned Sehun with a cocked brow.

Sehun could not do it. As much as he wanted to please Alvar and pledge his allegiance to the Prince once again, he could not bring his voice or heart to cooperate. So, he said nothing.

Instead, he hurried away to a secluded corner where he could break into tears.

* * *

By evenfall, preparations for their departure at first light were done and ready. The soldiers gathered around a fire with their bowls and tankards.

Sehun did not take part in any of the men’s merrymaking. He was too occupied with nursing his heartbreak that he could not focus on anything else.

He sat away from the fire and the others, hugging his knees to his chest.

“Here,” Skullmane said when she walked over to him with a tankard. “It’s mulled wine. I’m sure you’d like it.”

Sehun accepted the tankard and took a sip of the spiced wine. It was easy on the belly.

Plumping on the ground next to Sehun, Skullmane said, “Look. I am not sure what is going on, but you look like you’ve been spooked by something. I don’t want you to talk about it, but if there is anything that any of us could help with, I want you to tell us.”

Sehun stared at her for a moment. He wished that he could just break down and cry in her arms, just the way he could in Ferhin’s arms. It was in that moment when he understood that he had taken Ferhin’s concerns for him for granted.

He shook his head, looking away. “It isn’t something any of you could help with, I’m afraid.”

Skullmane gave his shoulder a squeeze. “Get a grip of yourself, Honeypearl. The journey has yet to come to an end.”

With that, she left him to his thoughts.

Sehun then glanced at Aaden, who was standing, leaning against a wooden post with his arms crossed over his chest. He was watching Sehun.

Dropping his gaze for a moment, Sehun swallowed and tried hard not to blush. Then at length, he looked up at Aaden again.

The Captain took a visibly big breath then and pulled away from the post before he turned to Steelshout. Giving the guard orders to keep a close eye on Prince Fredegar, he glanced to Sehun once more before he headed for the buildings, with a tacit order for Sehun.

Sehun did not know what had prompted him to rise to his feet and go after Aaden.

He had a purpose last night. And even though he had succeeded in fulfilling that purpose, he had not told Alvar that Aaden and Fredegar were expecting Alvar to engage in combat at the borders, and that they had their own strategies and tactics, which they were not sharing with Alvar and his men.

But when he followed Aaden to the back of the building that night, he had no justifications other than that he wanted desperately to feel Aaden’s mouth on his skin, hands on his body, heat wrapped around his own.

In the dark, he found Aaden with his back slumped against a wall with one of his feet drawn up on the wall. When he saw Sehun approach him, he drew away from the wall and faced Sehun with a heaving chest.

Sehun could not quite make out the man’s face in the dark, but he could tell, from the way Aaden’s breathing sounded, that Aaden was anxious.

But only when Aaden lunged at him and kissed him passionately did it occur to Sehun that he had mistaken Aaden’s desperation for trepidation.

“I could not keep you from my mind,” rasped Aaden when they broke apart. “All day, thoughts of you have been fucking with my attention.”

It was mindboggling how Aaden’s confessions never ceased to leave Sehun in a transient trance every single time. They were not honeyed words. They were always just cutting, brutal, unaffected proclamations that were not meant to flatter Sehun in any way.

But it moved Sehun nevertheless. It was a different kind of romance he never knew existed. Not until Aaden.

Sehun voiced no objection when Aaden rammed their mouths together for a rough kiss before he pinned Sehun against the wall he was previously leaning on.

Already fighting for breath, Sehun lightly wrapped his arms around Aaden’s neck and kissed him back weakly.

Aaden pulled back after a while, possibly noticing the havering in Sehun’s lips. “Sehun?” he called in a whisper, cupping Sehun’s cheek. “Something wrong? Did I… overstep—”

“No,” Sehun said immediately and drew Aaden in to resume the kiss before the man could make any further queries. He doubted that Aaden really cared much about Sehun’s grievances and sorrows, anyway. At the end of the day, he knew what Aaden was after.

He was just not sure of what himself was after.

Not anymore.

The kiss quickly led them to something more. With their breaths mingling and bodies arching into one another, Aaden hurriedly undid the laces of Sehun’s pants with one hand while the other hungrily clawed at a side of Sehun’s ass.

Then withdrawing briefly, Aaden frowned into Sehun’s eyes and said, “Are you certain… this is all right with you?”

Sehun answered him by smashing their mouths together again, fingers tugging at Aaden’s hair.

A groan rumbled deep in Aaden’s chest when Sehun bit his lower lip. In retaliation, Aaden aggressively yanked Sehun’s pants down before he hoisted Sehun up from the ground. With a firm grip on the back of Sehun’s thighs, he greedily kissed Sehun until he was all out of air supply.

Then disconnecting their mouths, he dragged his lips to Sehun’s neck and kissed it warranted desire.

Gasping open-mouthed, Sehun clung onto Aaden’s shoulders while Aaden grinded against him, slamming the hardened bulge in his pants against Sehun’s crotch.

He locked his legs around Aaden’s waist, using the wall on his back as leverage, when Aaden retrieved one of his hands to unlace his own trousers.

Perhaps he was doing this out of resentment. Out of the grief Alvar had left him with.

Or perhaps he was lying to himself, looking for reasons to justify his want for Aaden tonight.

His cries and moans were muffled by Aaden’s mouth as Aaden fucked him against the wall with nothing but spit and sweat.

Panting, Sehun dropped his face against the man’s shoulder when the thrusts grew deeper and harder. If only Aaden were not holding him up, he would have crumbled to the ground already.

When Aaden reached his peak, bursting inside Sehun, he nearly roared out a cry, but Sehun hurriedly pulled him in for a kiss to stifle to noise.

They lowered the ground together then, both spent, puffing and blowing, and thoroughly shagged.

Sehun waited, slumped upon the wall, for Aaden to compose himself.

Then wiping the sweat rivulets collected on his forehead, Aaden gently caressed Sehun’s cheek with a hand.

“Was I… too rough?” he asked in a low, husky voice, thumb swiping over Sehun’s cheekbone.

Shaking his head lightly, Sehun leaned into the touch. When he could breathe right again, he said, “I’m not breakable.”

Aaden smiled lovingly then as he took hold of Sehun’s chin to tip it up and press a soft kiss to Sehun’s lips. “I did not say you were,” he sighed and rose to his feet. Once he had laced his trousers, he helped Sehun stand up.

Staggering for a moment, Sehun braced himself against Aaden when the man caught his hips to steady him. He looked up at Aaden, holding onto his arm.

“May I come to your… room tonight?” he asked pathetically.

Aaden gnawed at his lip for a beat. “If you want to,” he replied eventually.

* * *

He did indeed show up at Aaden’s door later in the dead of the night. Unlike the night before, Aaden was not as dishevelled. He must have just taken a bath because he smelled of river water and lye soap, and his damp hair was swept back neatly. He was clad in his undershirt and a pair of loose pants.

As soon as he spilled into the room, Sehun slammed the door shut behind him and grabbed the back of Aaden’s neck, pulling the man down for a kiss.

He was left with disappointment when Aaden drew back immediately, hands grabbing Sehun’s waist to hold him in place.

“We must ride for the borders at first light,” said Aaden. “You look very tired. Perhaps it would be a better idea if you get your rest tonight.”

Sehun batted his eyes at the man in disbelief. “Rest?” he echoed, tilting his head to the side in bewilderment.

Aaden leaned in and brushed a kiss to his forehead then. “Come.”

He ushered Sehun to the bed. Memories of the events of last night flooded Sehun’s mind when he looked at the bed he and Aaden had fucked on.

As he took his seat on the bed, he kept his head low while Aaden removed his undershirt before joining him on the bed. As his arm snaked around Sehun’s back, he exhaled a couple of heavy breaths and kissed Sehun’s temple.

Sehun shivered when Aaden’s beard pricked his skin.

Aaden was right. He was tired. Even the thin mattress seemed incredibly cosy in that moment. And the heat radiating off of Aaden’s body made it all the more comforting.

As they lay down, Aaden pulled Sehun close, one arm tucked under Sehun’s head, and the other lightly draped over Sehun’s waist.

Sehun gazed into Aaden’s eyes, both breathings in sync. It was strange to lay this way with someone. It was an intimacy he had yet to comprehend. Their bodies fitted perfectly. Not only when they were having sex, but also when they were laying around doing absolutely nothing but look into each other’s eyes.

It was soothing and tranquil. Sehun had never been so rested in a long time, he thought. That was the thing about Aaden. He could make anyone feel safe with him.

“Go to sleep,” muttered Aaden, slipping a hand into Sehun’s shirt to stroke the edge of his waist. He loved playing with the belly chain, Sehun had noticed.

“I’m not sleepy,” Sehun lied.

Aaden sighed. “All right. Then tell me about you,” he said. “I don’t think I know much about you.”

Why did it matter, Sehun almost asked. Why would Aaden even want to get to know him?

But he could not ignore the way his heart fluttered in that instant. Because he wanted to tell someone about himself. He had always wanted someone who would be interested in him, not because they were amused with him or because they were trying to figure him out. But because they wanted to know him better, to cherish him more.

“What _do_ you know about me, then?” he asked Aaden quietly.

A small smirk quirked a corner of Aaden’s lips. “I know that you’re a bratty, spoiled nobleman’s son with a head full of glossy red hair.”

Sehun scowled.

Aaden’s smile widened. “Who likes making himself look pretty with pearls and rhinestones, loves horses, is kind… and wants a home where he could belong.”

Sehun was at a loss for words as he stared into Aaden’s eyes, the tiny light of the candleflame flickering in those green pools, speckled with honey-coloured flecks.

Unable to say anything to that, Sehun lowered his gaze and brought a hand to Aaden’s haired chest. His fingers aimlessly lingered along the cleft of the chest as he shifted his head that was lying on Aaden’s arm.

“I have sisters.”

“I know,” said Aaden.

Sehun looked up at him again. “You do?”

“I make it a point to get to know as much as I can about everyone that is related to the monarch.” He gave Sehun’s waist a small squeeze that almost made Sehun squirm and whimper. “But I did take an extra interest in you. Perhaps I had done it unconsciously.”

Sehun felt a lump in his throat. “W-Why?” he asked.

Aaden did not answer.

“Well… I do not have a good relationship with my father,” said Sehun at length. “He… has never been fond of me.”

Aaden’s eyes narrowed.

“I am not the… son he was expecting,” Sehun added, embarrassment filling his cheeks with red. “He never wants me around. I am an… insult to him. You said I’m different. And that I flaunt it. But sometimes… I wish I weren’t so… different.”

With his eyebrows knitted together, Aaden stared at Sehun without a response for a while. Sehun suddenly wished that he had not said anything.

“Is that why… you’re here?” asked Aaden a moment later. There was a slight anger in his tone. “Your father sent you as a largesse to the new Crown as a means of… getting rid of you?”

Sehun could not help the tears that welled up in his eyes then. It hurt to have it put out there in the open. All of the pent-up sorrow and grievance in his chest threatened to break free. Whenever he yearned for a man’s affection, he was left with disappointment and heartache.

“I _am_ … tired,” Sehun admitted in a whisper.

 Aaden wrapped his arms tightly around Sehun and pulled him close. Nestling against Aaden, Sehun rested his head against the man’s warm chest. He had never been held this way. It was chaste, it was tender.

It was _not_ lust.

“I am sorry you went through that,” he heard Aaden say. “You are more than just _different_ , Sehun. I hope that, one day, your father would come to love you for that.”

Sehun broke into quiet tears and nuzzled into Aaden’s chest to hide them. It was staggering how two virtual strangers could break such boundaries when Sehun had never been able to do it with the man he claimed to love.

Although he had managed to fall asleep fast and without much trouble, he was awakened sometime later to the dark of the night that was mildly brightened by the moonlight that spilled through the window.

His eyes fluttered open to the sight of Aaden’s face. For a brief moment, Sehun tried to wrap his head around the fact that he was in a bed with the Captain of the King’s Guard sleeping next to him, shirtless and defenceless. If Sehun had learnt anything about the man, it was that Aaden was someone who never let his vulnerable side show. He never had a weakness, or at least he never posited to anyone that he had one.

But as he slept so serenely at Sehun’s side, he was proving that he trusted Sehun more than anyone to let him see him like this.

He must have been tired, too. His chest rose and fell steadily. Sehun realized that he had never seen Aaden so relaxed. He did not seem so scary when he was sleeping.

Perhaps that was what encouraged Sehun to lift a hand to the sleeping man’s face.

He gently drew his fingers along Aaden’s cheek, careful not to wake the man up. Then he let the fingertips brush against the seam of his lips before he dragged them along the bearded jawline.

Alvar had never wanted to just fall asleep with Sehun. He had never held Sehun the way Aaden was holding him now.

Something knifed Sehun’s heart in that instant. This was strange. The sudden pain in his stomach was strange.

Retrieving his hand, Sehun quietly watched Aaden sleep while he let his thoughts wander to dark abysses that agonized him.

He had built a future, a dream for him and Alvar. Perhaps he had been too naïve after all.

And perhaps he had believed in something that was not there.

He had wanted to be loyal to Alvar. He was Sehun’s King. He had believed that Alvar would be a great leader. Perhaps he had been blinded by his love for the man. Because somewhere along the way, Sehun had learnt the real qualities that made a man a true leader, who was worth following.

It was not Alvar.

It was not Fredegar either.

All of King’s Guard were loyal the monarch because it was their duty. But they followed Aaden because every single one of them trusted the man. And in return, Aaden instilled his trust in them. Just the way he now trusted Sehun.

Sehun supposed the worst of it all was that Alvar refused to give him anything that he wanted. He had not professed his love for Sehun, and he had not rebutted Sehun’s love for him either. He just let Sehun hang in a limbo. And there was no greater torment than that.

Perhaps it was Sehun’s journey of realizing the truth himself. He still was not sure what the truth was. Part of him still hoped that Alvar did love him, and that his dreams of a future with the Prince would come true.

But another part of him was looking at Aaden now, wondering if this was what real affection supposed to feel like. Deliriously confusing yet as clear as day.

* * *

They set forth for the borders of Taitenia and Slavaria at daybreak. Sehun had roused to an empty bed that still smelled of Aaden. And throughout the night, he had slept soundly in Aaden’s arms, lulled by the man’s heavy yet steady breathing. He had not slept so well in days, he thought.

They took the roads to the borders. While the noblemen, the Princes and their Captains rode ahead, Sehun stuck close to the King’s Guard.

Around midday, they stopped for a rest on the road. Every now and then, Aaden would steal glimpses of Sehun, and his gaze would soften for a fleeting moment before he’d go back to being a grouchy Captain.

When Sehun realized that he had drained all of the content of his waterskin, he sighed with devastation.

That was when he felt a waterskin being pressed into his hand. When he looked up, he saw Aaden walk away from him with squared shoulders and a hard stride.

He glanced at the full waterskin in his hand next. A childish grin stretched his lips.

“Is it just me or has Strongstare warmed up to you rather well?” asked Steelshout.

Sehun blushed and kept his head down before he guzzled some water from the waterskin.

“He always warms up to everyone eventually,” remarked Asscrusher. “Besides, how could anyone resist Honeypearl’s charms for too long?”

Sehun smiled at the tattooed man. Asscrusher winked. Steelshout nodded his head. “Now, that is true.”

When they stopped again, it was at nightfall and in a town that was far too small to accommodate all of the men. So, tents were pitched on the outskirts, although the town’s reeve formally welcomed the Princes to spend the night in the comforts of the longhouse.

Prince Fredegar had refused politely, saying that he would rather stay with his men. Alvar, however, had expected the offer for a good bed, beautiful women to keep it warm, and some fine wine.

“Come on, Brother,” said Alvar, throwing an arm over Fredegar’s shoulders. “It is not polite to refuse such kindness.”

Fredegar huffed heavily, looking to his Captain for counsel. Aaden bowed his head, as though he had somehow understood the young Prince’s misgivings.

“We will stay alert, Your Grace,” said Aaden. “The King’s Guard will be guarding you all night. The others may take rest in the tents on the outskirts. They would appreciate some warm food and clean water, though.”

“That can be arranged,” said the reeve at once. “We are honoured to have the Princes in our town.”

The town had a few buildings. Small and packed. Sehun doubted that more than two hundred people could populate the town.

“That is settled,” said Alvar, ushering Fredegar forward. “Come, Egar.”

Aaden stopped the Crown Prince momentarily to mutter something that was only for Fredegar’s ears. He then turned to Bonemight and two other guards.

“Go with him,” he ordered them. ‘And do not take your eyes off His Grace.”

“You ought to relax, Ragnavor,” said Captain Gael, lifting a hand to Aaden’s shoulder. Aaden did not appreciate the gesture as he shrugged the hand off. Gael scoffed and went after the Princes, shaking his head.

Aaden gave out more orders to the rest of them who were to camp on the outskirts of the town before he too went looking for the Princes.

* * *

It was not until late night when Sehun heard rustling noises from the tents and murmurs. He had not been able to sleep, so he sat with the horses, leaning against Blackfire, stroking the horse’s mane. The black beast had no objection, but Sehun knew he should eventually let the horse get its sleep, too.

Something about Blackfire solaced Sehun. Perhaps it was the fact that its rider was Aaden. And with that realization, Sehun felt pathetic. Was he getting too attached to something he knew would not last? Besides, Aaden was meant to be nothing but a convenience. Sehun had been unsuccessful in betraying the man, however. Instead, he was beginning to pine for Aaden’s attention, even though it had not been all that long since he was in the man’s arms.

“No one will even notice,” he heard one of Alvar’s soldiers of fortune say as he sneaked away from the tents with a couple of other men . “We will be back soon.”

Although Sehun had his orders to not to wander too far from their camp, he could not help but rise to his feet and walk after the soldiers in the direction of the town.

“Where are you off to?”

Sehun jumped with a start and spun around to look at Skullmane, who was sitting up on the blanket she was just sleeping on.

“Uh… I…” Sehun scratched the back of his head.

Skullmane rolled her eyes and reclined again, throwing an arm over her eyes.

Sighing, Sehun started for the town. Maybe he would bump into Aaden.

And get scolded to go back to the camp.

Or get fucked in an alley.

Sehun was strangely excited by the two thoughts.

Torches lit the narrow streets between the small brick houses. Sehun was certain that it would be impossible for him to get lost in a town this small, but he made sure to look back at the camp every few steps.

He halted in his tracks with a shudder when he heard a noise. He anxiously glanced around. In hindsight, perhaps it was not the best of ideas to wander off on his own to a town he was not familiar with.

With his heart hammering against his chest, he proceeded along the street, looking for the longhouse.

He stopped again when he heard whimpers.

“Who’s there?” he asked shakily into the dark.

When he received no answer, he started toward the source of the noises. It sounded like a girl’s cry.

“Shut up, bitch!” he then heard the voice of a man. There was an accent to it, which Alvar’s soldiers of fortune had.

Sehun tried to calm his racing heart as he walked toward the alley behind the straggle of houses, where the sound was coming from.

“Leave me,” a girl pleaded in a sob.

“This would go much easier if you’re quiet,” said a voice that did not sound like the first man.

“She would sell for at least forty gold coins on the borders,” said another.

Sehun hurried into the alley then, hands fisted and blood drumming in his ears. His heart broke to find a terrified young girl, curled up on the ground, resisting the three men who were gathered around her. One of them had his hand clasped over her mouth while the others attempted to pick her up from the ground without letting her make any loud noises.

She was crying, tears streaking her face. She looked scared and helpless. She could not have been older than seventeen.

She reminded Sehun of Kilah.

When one of the men swung his leg to kick her in the stomach to quiet her down, the other soldier stopped him. “Stop. We damage her, the value goes down,” he warned the other man.

Sehun lurched forward then. “Hey!”

The soldiers turned around at once and faced him with shock.

“L-Let her… go,” Sehun stammered out, advancing a few steps.

A soldier puffed his chest out and growled, “You better walk away while you still can, boy.”

Sehun stood his ground, even though he was nervous about the swords hanging by the men’s sides. He looked to the girl past the soldiers.

She scrambled up to her feet and rushed past them to hide behind Sehun, holding onto his arm.

“Go home,” Sehun hissed at her.

“I… I don’t have one,” she let out in a trembling breath. Sehun frowned at her torn kirtle and dirty face.

He looked to the soldiers again with a frown. “We don’t want any trouble,” he said with a lump in his throat. The men were already advancing toward him.

“Oh, but you do now,” said one of them.

Sehun knew he would not be able to fight them off. Not only were they armed and bulky, they were also soldiers of fortune who had little to no moral.

As soon as he saw the man reach for the grip of his sword, he turned on his heel and grabbed the girl’s hand before breaking into a sprint.

Perhaps this was how he would die.

Or the men would do something far worse to him if they caught him. And no one would have heard from him again. His mother would mourn him. So would his sisters. Hanita would not even remember him in a few years. Would Alvar be sad if he died? Would Aaden?

“You better fucking stop running!” roared the soldier as he and the others chased after Sehun, who bolted through the streets as fast as he could, dragging the girl with him.

Along with sweat, tears trickled down his face as he looked around for help. He could not afford to stop and knock on a door.

He came to a stop eventually when he reached a wall and there was nowhere else to run. Panting hard, he looked back at the soldiers approaching him.

_God, no._

He picked the girl up then and lifted her to the top of the wall. “Quick! Climb!”

As soon as the girl had climbed over the wall, he hurriedly clambered up. He hissed when his hand scraped against the jagged end of a brick, tearing the skin of his palm open.

He then grunted when he felt a hand grab his ankle. Booting the man on his face with his other foot, he quickly made his way to the top of the wall.

“I’m going to wring your neck like a crow’s!” huffed the soldier as he began to climb the wall after Sehun.

The girl awaited Sehun on the other side of the wall.

Jumping off the wall, Sehun landed on the ground with a thud and promptly pulled himself up. He then took hold of the girl’s hand again and almost started to run again.

But he froze, eyes darted to some of the King’s Guard gathered outside the longhouse with their Captain giving out orders.

Ragepelt’s gaze shot past Aaden’s shoulder and landed on Sehun. So did Asscrusher’s and the other eight guards.

The soldiers who had climbed over the wall had come to a standstill behind Sehun and the girl.

Noticing the sudden diversion in his men’s attention, Aaden turned around, eyebrows furrowed confusedly. His jaw fell slack for a moment as his eyes met Sehun’s before they shifted to the girl at Sehun’s side and the blood dripping from Sehun’s gashed hand.

“Honeypearl?” asked Ragepelt, looking confused.

Aaden’s chest began to heave, his breathing quickening, his jaw tightening, hands balling into fists as his eyes narrowed into a vicious scowl.

The anger that flashed in his eyes was murderous as he stomped over to Sehun. The other guards followed him.

“This does not concern you,” said a soldier from behind Sehun. “There isn’t any problem here.”

Sehun stumbled when the soldier grabbed him by the scruff of his neck with a grip that almost crushed his neck.

Aaden did not hesitate for a single beat when he caught the soldier’s hand that was clutching at Sehun’s neck and twisted his arm until the man squirmed, bellowing in pain.

As the other soldiers charged at him, Ragepelt and the rest of the guards drew the swords, which stopped the soldiers.

Aaden did not release the screaming soldier’s arm as the man crumbled to his knees. That was when the Captain raised a booted foot to the soldier’s shoulder as his other hand came around the man’s throat.

“Why don’t you try touching him again?” Aaden spat through his clenched teeth.

“They were trying to hurt this girl,” Sehun rasped then.

Aaden was not even listening. His eyes were on the writhing soldier, intent on making him pay. Sehun was worried that the man might just snap the soldier’s neck right then and there.

“We are Prince Alvar’s men!” cried another soldier. “If you hurt us, you will answer to His Highness!”

Aaden looked up at the man then. Grinding his teeth, he released the soldier’s arm and backed away before he grabbed the soldier’s shirt and yanked him to his feet.

“We shall have His Highness deal with you, then.” With that, he ordered his men to seize the soldiers.

* * *

Alvar showed up a lot later after his presence was summoned in the longhouse’s main hall, where Prince Fredegar, the King’s Guard, Captain Gael and the reeve of the town were gathered at.

Aaden had not stopped fuming. He stood near the soldiers, who were kneeling on the floor, with his hands at his back.

“What is going on?” drawled Alvar hoarsely when he entered the hall. “Why are my men seized?”

Fredegar faced his brother with a sigh. “They were causing trouble with a little girl,” he said.

The girl was still hiding behind Sehun, clinging onto his arm.

“They were going to hurt her and one of my men,” said Fredegar. “You remember Sehun.” He looked to Sehun, who lowered his head, unable to look at Alvar. “The son of the famous winemaker in Novalon. He came with your referral.”

“I know,” said Alvar nonchalantly. “But he is not hurt, is he? Neither is the girl. Let them go, and I suggest all of you get some rest.”

As he turned around, Aaden stopped him. “They misbehaved with a local,” spat Aaden. “They shall be punished accordingly.”

Alvar glared at him. “I am a Prince. You are a mere Captain. I dare you to disagree with me again, Captain Aaden.”

For a moment, all that Aaden did was glare at the Prince. Sehun noticed the way the Captain clenched and released his right hand. It almost seemed like Aaden was ready for a duel.

But then he bowed his head and turned around. He started to walk away.

Except that he did not.

He stopped before the kneeling soldiers.

Then with one swift movement, he drew his broadsword and beheaded two of the soldiers with a single swing before he drove the blade into the third soldier’s chest without stopping for a breath. Sehun turned around, eyes clenched, and wrapped his arms protectively around the girl.

The stench of blood immediately filled the air in the hall. His stomach lurched. For a moment, all the he could do to not to break down was repeatedly remind himself that those men were about to hurt a little girl, and that they deserved it.

When he opened his eyes again and turned around, he tried to keep his attention away from the severed heads on the floor.

Horrified, Alvar was gawking at Aaden.

Sheathing his sword, Aaden turned to the older Prince. “I do not take my orders from you, Your Highness,” he said and looked at Fredegar, who simply shrugged and started toward Alvar.

Clapping a hand to Alvar’s shoulder, Fredegar said, “Dishonourable deeds will not be tolerated in my regime, Brother. You may outrank my Captain, but I outrank you. My command is the final say here. So, you either keep your hirelings in check, or my guards will be having too much fun putting swords through their skulls.” He smiled. “You can get back to your whores now.”

Alvar said nothing as he pinned Aaden and Fredegar with a glower before he strode away.

“Your Grace,” Sehun gasped.

Fredegar stopped and faced him.

“The girl… needs a place to stay,” he said, curling a protective arm around her.

Fredegar glanced at the reeve then. “She looks like she would make a fine charlady, doesn’t she?”

“A-As you wish, Your Grace,” said the reeve, who seemed to be quaking in horror.

Sehun let out a sigh of relief.

“You’re going to pay for that you know,” Sehun heard Gael mutter to Aaden.

Aaden simply fixed him with a black look before he stormed out of the hall.

Not being able to stick around for another moment in the hall that was stained with murder, Sehun too hurried out of there. Up until he left home, he had never seen men drop dead, slaughtered so brutally before his eyes. And now, he had seen Aaden—the man who had touched him ever so tenderly, whose kisses were warm and gentle—take a fourth life with his sword.

That was his duty, was it not? To carry out his Prince’s orders, to protect him at all cost?

Even to think that he had slept with a man who had so much blood on his hands made Sehun’s stomach turn.

“Wait,” the girl called after him when he hurried out of the longhouse.

Sehun stopped.

“Thank you,” she rasped with a tear rolling down her cheek.

Sehun managed a small smile, even though he was feeling so queasy that he was ready to throw up. “Be safe.”

The girl nodded her head as he walked away, heading for the campsite.

“Honeypearl!” he heard Ragepelt crow through the silence of the night.

He halted once more, but before he could even fully turn around, Ragepelt pounced on him, engulfing him in a rough embrace.

“I almost killed those bastards myself,” growled Ragepelt, squeezing Sehun in his arms. “I’m so glad you are all right.”

Sehun breathed again when Ragepelt pulled away. “I’m glad I found you when I did. I was more worried for the girl… Thank you for… protecting us.”

Ragepelt smiled and gave Sehun’s cheek a gentle caress. “You’re one of us now. And that means we protect each other. Strongstare sure did lose it in there, though.”

Sehun frowned. Aaden had lost it indeed. Even if it had been the Crown Prince’s order to execute the soldiers of fortune without a trial, it had been wrong. Aaden should not have done it.

He wended his way back to the camp, wobbling and with a sob in his throat. The gnarly cut on his palm stung, but he could not even look at it. The blood stains almost made him retch.

When he reached the tents, he spotted Aaden pacing a hole on the ground, strutting back and forth, flexing his hands restlessly.

He came to a stop when he saw Sehun.

For a while, neither of them moved.

And then Aaden marched over to him and took hold of his hand.

Sehun hissed and yanked his hand back.

Aaden paused then, realizing that he had hurt Sehun. He glanced at the men sleeping on the grounds before he gently wrapped his fingers around Sehun’s good wrist.

Sehun let Aaden drag him into a tent. Then in the dark, Aaden searched for a waterskin while Sehun took a seat on the pallet.

When Aaden knelt before him after finding the waterskin and a piece of rag, Sehun refused to give him his hand.

“Sehun,” Aaden sighed dejectedly.

Sehun swallowed and kept his eyes shut for a moment before he opened them once more to frown at Aaden. “Do you… ever feel an ounce of remorse… when you kill someone?”

Even in the dark, Sehun could make out the despondency in Aaden’s expression then. “What?”

Sehun choked on his words when he tried to speak again. “I don’t know… how anyone could… watch a man die and not flinch… the way you do.”

“Those men were bad men,” said Aaden. “They deserved to be executed.”

“Because your Prince said so?” Sehun spat.

Aaden scowled then. “I may have carried out _his_ orders, but I wanted to do it for…” he trailed off, gritting his teeth. “Will you give me your hand? Let me clean the wound.”

Sehun stayed still, keeping his head low.

Aaden shot up to his full height and furiously hurled the rag to the ground before he started pacing the tent with his hands at his hips, huffing and grinding his teeth.

He stilled eventually and glared down at Sehun. “Why are you upset with _me_?!” he snapped.

Sehun looked up at him. “I’m… not.”

“You said it yourself that those men were going to hurt that little girl. They are foreign mercenaries that cannot be tried in Slavaria.” He cursed under his breath then. “Why am I even trying to justify myself…”

He scrubbed his bearded jaw and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Look. This is the world you stepped into. What did you think being a guard to the monarch entailed?”

“I don’t want to be a guard!” Sehun spat with tears blurring his vision. “I do not want to be someone that hurts another person!”

“Then leave!”

Sehun was sure that Aaden’s roar would have roused at least half of the men sleeping outside.

Dropping his head again, Sehun let a tear fall. “And go where?” he murmured in a whisper.

Aaden’s breathing softened. A moment later, the man knelt to the ground and quietly stared at Sehun before he held a hand out and cupped Sehun’s face.

“I’m sorry,” he let out, thumb wiping the tear streaking Sehun’s cheek. “I had not meant to… say that. I didn’t mean that.”

He slowly held Sehun’s wounded hand and drew it closer to himself.

Sehun let Aaden clean the cut, wincing every now and then.

“It is not too deep,” Aaden muttered when he was done cleaning the dried blood from Sehun’s palm. “It would heal fast.”

Sehun silently watched Aaden bring the hand up to brush his lips softly against the wound.

“Sehun,” Aaden sighed against Sehun’s palm with his eyes closed. “I know that I am not the most virtuous man. I have… killed countless men and led more men to battlefields. You don’t want to be someone who’d hurt someone else. And my livelihood depends on hurting people. I wish there was something… I could do about it. But this is… who I am. Nothing I could do now to change that fact.”

Sehun thought about the anger he had seen in Aaden’s eyes a while ago. And now, as those eyes flitted open to meet Sehun’s, there was nothing but kindness in them.

Aaden was surprised when Sehun leaned in and kissed him in that instant.

The kiss was different than all the ones they had shared before. Sehun’s heart was full for once, even though it had been broken to pieces some days ago.

When he broke away, Aaden looked at him with half-lidded eyes. Then grabbing the back of Sehun’s head, he drew Sehun in for another, longer kiss.

“Aaden,” Sehun gasped between their lips, hand fisting around the collar of Aaden’s overcoat. “Get out of these damn clothes already.”

When Aaden leaned forward, fingers fumbling to unfasten his overcoat, Sehun moved back on the pallet.

Aaden’s touches felt different that night. Sehun struggled to stay quiet when Aaden’s bare, burning torso pressed against his body. And when Aaden slithered between his legs, all that Sehun could do to not to cry out Aaden’s name was bite into Aaden’s shoulder.

A few nights ago, he had indeed walked into Aaden’s room with the intention of betraying the man. He had convinced himself that what Aaden had for him was nothing but lust.

But tonight, he did not try to find a reason for why he wanted Aaden to hold him. All that he knew was that he wanted Aaden.

As Aaden removed all of his clothes, Sehun turned to lie on his stomach. He buried his face into the pallet when Aaden kissed along his back, all the way down to his tailbone.

Sehun reached back and clutched at Aaden’s hair, fingernails clawing at the scalp when Aaden tongued his opening, licking all over the cleft of his ass.

Although most of his cries were muffled by the pallet, he could not help the moan that slipped from his lips when Aaden slid into him.

Aaden clasped one hand to Sehun’s mouth, kissing all over Sehun’s shoulder blades, while he held Sehun’s hip with the other, yanking it up to thrust deeper into Sehun.

Then kneeling up, Aaden gripped onto the sides of Sehun’s waist and fucked into him without holding back, his hipbones slamming against Sehun’s ass.

Bathed in sweat and the scent of Aaden’s skin, Sehun pushed back, clenching harder around the cock, fighting for breath.

He pulled out momentarily to spit onto Sehun’s stretched opening. Then licking all over it, he fucked it with his tongue, smearing it with more spit before he straightened up to slam his cock back into Sehun.

When they finally came down from their high, Aaden fell against Sehun’s back.

“Don’t pull out,” Sehun rasped breathlessly as Aaden slowly thrust in and out of him. “Stay… for a little longer.”

Aaden kissed along the back of Sehun’s shoulders and stayed inside Sehun as he grew limp.

“Sehun,” he breathed against the nape of Sehun’s neck, stroking a side of Sehun’s torso with a hand.

Sehun fell asleep after a while when Aaden was still inside him. He slept soundly with the knowledge of being safe in the arms of a man who cared for him.

And perhaps Sehun was starting to care for him, too.

Aaden was no Prince. He was not the future Sehun had had imagined for himself. The kind of future he had pictured for him and Alvar. His dreams did not include Aaden. None of this was the love he had hoped for. But what was love, anyway? Sehun had failed to learn the real meaning of it, in spite of having longed for it forever.

 

 

# C H A P T E R   T E N

 

 

 

Just a few hours before sunup, Sehun roused to Aaden sleeping at his side with an arm draped over Sehun’s body.

Sehun took a look at the cut on his palm and sighed when he noticed the dried stains on his stomach. Sitting up, he reached for a damp rag on the ground to wipe the stains off.

He then glanced at Aaden again. His breathing grew slightly ragged as he ogled the sleeping man, who had a few stray locks of his hair on fallen over his face.

Whatever that got into him in that moment, he leaned in a brushed a kiss on Aaden’s bearded chin. The way Aaden stirred and shifted then made Sehun smile to himself.

Licking his lips, Sehun shoved away the blanket that was draped over Aaden and rose to his knees to straddle the man.

Aaden did not wake up even as Sehun took hold of his cock in his hand and began to stroke it. Then slowly, Aaden came to his consciousness. Groaning softly, he brought a hand to Sehun’s waist, hooking his fingers around the belly chain.

“Sehun,” he exhaled huskily, cracking his eyes open to look at Sehun. “What are… you doing?”

Sehun answered him by bowing his head and wrapping his mouth around Aaden’s limp cock.

As Aaden’s chest began to heave with laboured breaths, Sehun straightened up and lowered on Aaden, sliding the half-hardened cock that was slicked with his saliva into him.

He pinned his hands to Aaden’s chest as he started to rock his hips. Aaden grabbed Sehun’s waist with both hands and gripped it hard enough to bruise it as Sehun rode him to ecstasy.

Sitting up, he smashed his mouth to Sehun’s nipple and sucked on it, leaving it sore and tender. Then lifting his head, he kissed Sehun sloppily on the mouth before Sehun shoved him back to lie down.

The night was nearing its end. Sehun wished that they would never have to leave the tent. That he would never have to leave Aaden’s side.

* * *

When morning came, Sehun woke up to an empty tent. Though he was not surprised to find Aaden gone, he was disappointment.

After clothing himself, he made his way out of the tent and found the others getting ready to leave.

As he walked past a few guards and soldiers, he heard murmurs. Alvar’s men pinned with him a daggering look.

“Where were you?!”

He stopped when Skullmane grabbed him by the shoulders. Blinking, Sehun said, “Here… In the… tent.”

“No, I meant last night!” she spat. “Is it true? You were in trouble?”

Sehun glanced away with a sigh, recalling the events of last night. “I was not hurt.”

“But you could have been. You ought to be more careful around these soldiers of fortune!”

Sehun nodded. “Duly noted.”

Skullmane huffed heavily and shook her head. “You were lucky last night, boy.”

Sehun would not consider witnessing the brutal death of three men _lucky_ but everything that followed that did indeed have a lot to do with him getting lucky.

And thinking of it, he glanced around, looking to spot Aaden.

“Why were you in the Captain’s tent?” asked Skullmane.

“I—”

They were promptly interrupted by Steelshout who walked up to Sehun. “Honeypearl,” he called, looking confused. “Prince Fredegar sent me to fetch you.”

Sehun’s eyes widened. “He… wants to see… me?”

Could it be about last night?

It must be. Fredegar had no other reason to summon him.

“Where?” he asked Steelshout.

Steelshout pointed to the tent that was still standing. It was guarded with Fredegar’s horse pitched nearby. There was no sign of Alvar.

Sucking in a breath, Sehun started for the tent, carding his hands through his hair to neaten it. He checked his shirt for creases as he approached the tent.

He froze to a halt just outside the tent as the hairs on the nape of his neck stood up. He glanced back at Skullmane, who was staring at him from where she stood.

Then licking his lips, Sehun entered the tent.

He found Ragepelt inside, standing in a corner. He turned to look at Golddust next. Sehun stared at him for a moment in puzzlement. Golddust had his arms folded over his chest with a complacent look on his face.

Sehun eventually glanced to Prince Fredegar, who was seated in a chair with his legs crossed. His unblinking blue eyes were fixated on Sehun.

There was something about his unrelenting gaze. He had never looked at Sehun like that.

For a moment, Sehun’s blood ran cold as his heart began to pound.

“Your Grace?” he said, barely finding his breath.

Fredegar said nothing in return as he continued to stare at Sehun with his head slightly tilted.

Sehun swallowed. “Y-You sent… for me?”

The Prince took a few more moments to survey Sehun wordlessly. Not even his expression was readable. Sehun’s stomach began knife from the inside.

He shuddered when Steelshout walked into the tent. Like Ragepelt, he too looked confused.

The Prince silence was so loud that it was deafening. Sehun wanted to clasp his hands to his ears and clench his eyes tightly. He had never seen Fredegar so… focused. And vigilant. That was all that Sehun could comprehend from his unmoving eyes.

As Sehun’s hands slowly began to tremble, Fredegar finally tore his gaze from Sehun to briefly glance to Ragepelt. He then gave a nod of his head, an order for the guard.

Ragepelt stepped forward at once and everything that happened next left Sehun in horror.

His arms were seized, yanked to his back. Although Ragepelt was trying to be gentle, the metal shackles that came around Sehun’s wrists were cruelly heavy.

Sehun’s breathing stopped.

“To you knees, boy,” Ragepelt muttered in a low growl from behind, keeping a firm grip on Sehun’s bound arms.

The terror and fright that shot through Sehun’s veins in that moment left him paralyzed. As a sob rose in his throat, his eyes began to brew stinging hot tears.

He was forced down to his knees when he did not do as he was told.

He stared at Prince Fredegar, horrified and afraid, eyes bleary and wide.

With a heavy sigh, Fredegar sat up straight in his seat and leaned forward, gaze piercing into Sehun’s.

“I had such high hopes for you, Sehun, son of Avniel,” said the Prince calmly. “But I had my doubts the moment you showed up with my brother’s favour. You are far too beautiful for my brother to keep his hands to himself.”

He leaned back in his seat again with another big breath. His usually warm blue eyes were now cold. Unforgiving.

Sehun felt every spirit in him die.

He choked on every breath he took.

He wished the ground would swallow him up whole.

Running a hand through his golden hair, Fredegar then said, “I will give you a chance to confess your treason.”

Sehun remained mum. Not because he wanted to. But because he could not find his voice no matter how hard he tried. He could not look away. He could not breathe. He thought he was about to die and that his heart was about to jump out of his chest.

With another sigh, Fredegar said, “Very well.” He eyed Steelshout then.

The guard, face paling, stood his ground. “M-My Prince,” he let out, reluctant to follow the Prince’s order.

Fredegar’s eyebrows drew together in a scowl.

Steelshout tightened his hand into a fist, confusion, hesitance and worry twisting his expression. Though he raised a hand toward Sehun, he stopped and let it fall back to his side with a frown.

Prince Fredegar pinned him with a snarl before he turned to Golddust. With a nod of his head, Golddust stepped forward and backhanded Sehun across the face.

The blow felt like he had taken a boulder to a side of his skull. His vision was blinded momentarily. Gasping, he crashed against the ground, choking on air. He was yanked back to his knees back Ragepelt.

Sehun looked up at the Prince with tears streaking his cheeks and blood trickling down a corner of his mouth.

“Your Grace, why are you doing this?” Ragepelt rasped, a hand gently holding the back of Sehun’s neck as though to console him.

Fredegar did not answer the guard’s question. He looked to Golddust once more. Sehun braced himself for the next blow that struck the same side of his face.

Coughing and whimpering in agony, Sehun saw his life flash before his eyes.

He did not think that he was a bad person. He had not made many mistakes, knowingly, in his life. Sure, his father refused to accept him, but it was not something Sehun could help with. He had always tried to be a good person.

And then he fell in love with a man who could not love him back. That was the truth. Alvar had never loved him. And for that man, Sehun had been willing to do anything.

He deserved the punishment he was getting. Every last bit of it.

So, why was he crying? It was painful, yes. But something else was tugging at his heart. An ache. A fear.

“Do you really think you’re the only rat here?” asked Fredegar. Sehun looked up at Golddust, face covered in tears and blood and pain.

“He told me that you used to be his little pet last night,” spat Golddust at Sehun.

“You laid with my brother and pledged your loyalty to him,” said Fredegar coolly, although his eyes were raging.

Sehun could not control his sobs, but he still did not say anything to defend himself. Because he had no defence.

“How much did you betray?” asked the Prince.

Before Sehun could even try to answer, his head shot up to look at Aaden who strode into the tent like a mad bull. His eyes immediately fell on Sehun before they turned to Fredegar.

“What is the meaning of this?” he demanded in a growl, chest heaving hard, breathing laboured. Thick veins were protruding on the back of his hands and forehead.

Fredegar stared at the Captain for one long moment before he rose to his feet and confronted the man. “How long have you been fucking him?”

Aaden was staggered for a while. He glanced down at Sehun, anger flashing in his bloodshot eyes. Then he faced the Prince again.

“Why is he in shackles?” he asked.

Fredegar turned to Sehun. “Why indeed. Why don’t you tell him why, Sehun?”

Sehun would rather die. He wished that he was dead. He would not mind if Aaden drew his sword right this instant and drove it through his chest. He could not bear to even look at the man’s eyes.

When he did not respond as he continued to keep his head low with rivulets of tears pattering against the ground, Prince Fredegar swung his hand to strike Sehun.

Sehun almost clenched his eyes to brace for the hit when Aaden caught the Prince’s wrist.

Fredegar stilled, glaring at the Captain who had his arm in a vicious grip. Aaden released him. What had he just done? He could lose his head for disobeying the Crown Prince.

“Your Grace,” he said through his teeth. “Please… Don’t. Whatever he’s done, it could not warrant such brutality.”

Sehun could do nothing but sob harder. He wanted Aaden to leave. Right this instant. If he stayed any longer, he was going to get hurt. And Sehun was not sure if he could take it.

Fredegar scowled at Sehun next. “Answer me. The attack in the woods. The mercenary that slipped into my tent. How did he know we were going through the woods?”

Aaden looked perplexed now. He looked down at Sehun, too.

“Did you tell my brother about it?” asked Fredegar.

Aaden’s eyes widened as the colour drained from his face.

“Speak up!”

Sehun flinched and raised his head, sight blurred by the tears. He tried looking at Aaden’s bewildered eyes. He could not. He looked at Fredegar instead.

“Yes,” he let out in a mere breath and hung his head again.

Aaden did not react. He simply stared at Sehun, arms limp at his sides, gaze as blank as his face.

“Why?” asked the Prince.

Sehun found his voice between the sobs. “I… loved him,” he whimpered.

Fredegar scoffed and plumped back in his seat. “You _loved_ him,” he said with a derisory chuckle that stung Sehun deeply. “Did he love you back?”

Sehun hung his head and did nothing but cry.

“Of course not,” snorted Fredegar. “My brother doesn’t know what love is. And you are a naïve little fool.”

Sehun had been.

“But not a completely innocent one,” added Fredegar. “Are you?”

Sehun did not want to hear more. He could not look at Aaden. The world was spinning around him. The blood pounding in his ears was overpowering.

“You slept with my Captain to gather the information you needed to satisfy my brother,” said Fredegar. “You really think I would not find out about you bending for my Captain? Must be quite the experience. Whoring yourself to a man just to pleasure another.”

Sehun bit his tongue hard enough to taste blood. He wished his hands were free so that he could cover his ears.

He lifted his teary gaze to Aaden then.

His heart shattered into smithereens.

He had never seen Aaden so… weak. And devastated.

The tears sheening in those green eyes made Sehun sick.

“I did not tell him anything,” he blurted out to Aaden desperately. “I swear! I did not… I didn’t say anything to Alvar! I did not do it to hurt you, Aaden. I did not betray you.”

“But you would have,” pointed out Fredegar. “If my brother had coaxed you enough, you would have betrayed him in a heartbeat.”

Sehun could not answer that. He did not _know_ the answer to that. He looked at Aaden again. “I did… sleep with you… at first for… for Alvar. But—”

Aaden shut his eyes and turned his back to Sehun then.

“Aaden,” Sehun called, choking on a sob. “Please.”

“And you,” Fredegar spat at Aaden next, rising back to his full height. “Did you misjudge someone in your life for the first time, or did you simply choose to be oblivious because he was too pretty?”

Aaden’s shoulders were trembling. His breathing was uneven as he opened his eyes to face the Prince. He lowered his head, humiliated and shattered.

“How much did you tell him?” asked Fredegar. “Did you just blindly trust him because he sucked your cock?”

“It wasn’t his fault,” Sehun cried. “He did nothing wrong.”

Fredegar struck him then. Sehun thought that another blow might just knock him out for good. His head was throbbing.

Aaden stepped forward. “Don’t,” he muttered to the Prince, his voice thick with sorrow. “He can’t… take it.”

Fredegar nodded his head a couple of times. “What is the punishment for treason, Captain Aaden?”

Aaden did not answer. He looked like he was about to fall to his knees.

“I command you to answer me,” snarled Fredegar.

Fisting his hands, Aaden said, “Capital punishment.”

Fredegar beckoned to Sehun, keeping his eyes on Aaden. “As the Crown Prince of Slavaria, I hereby authorize and order you, Captain of the King’s Guard, Commander of the Slavarian army, to execute Sehun, son of Lord and Lady Avniel of Novalon in my presence for committing high treason to aid and abet the usurpation of the current monarch.”

For a moment, Aaden did not even breathe.

“He should be tried,” blurted out Ragepelt. “Your Grace, we do not have solid evidence that he even committed treason.”

“He just confessed to his crimes,” spat Fredegar. “You have orders, Captain.”

Aaden glanced at Sehun.

Though he was panting and in pain, the tears had stopped. He looked at Aaden, wondering how he could stop the man from hurting now. It was all that Sehun wanted. To stop Aaden’s agony. To convince him that it was not all betrayal. Aaden had no reason to believe him. But even so, Sehun wanted to tell him that it had been real for him.

Swallowing, Aaden confronted the Prince again. His hand flung up to tug at the chains of his uniform’s overcoat. Ripping them apart, he broke the chains and undid the buckle of sword belt. As he launched the sword across the ground, Fredegar gaped at Aaden in surprise.

“I stand down as the Captain of the King’s Guard,” said Aaden, tone firm and harsh. The man had been loyal to his duties more than anything. Nothing came before his duties as the Captain. To see him step down as someone he had worked so hard to become was heart-wrenching.

“Aaden,” snapped Fredegar in disbelief.

“I have proven to be unworthy of the position, anyway,” said Aaden. “I cannot do what you ask me to do, My Prince.”

Fredegar gritted his teeth. “Very well.” He looked at Ragepelt. “What is your name?”

Ragepelt struggled to answer for a moment. “Farqund, Your Grace.”

“I hereby appoint you as the interim Captain of the King’s Guard, Farqund.”

Ragepelt blinked and frowned at Aaden. Then sighing, he said, “Forgive me, Your Highness but… I humbly refuse the offer.”

Fredegar stared at him.

“I am a follower, not a leader,” added Ragepelt.

When Fredegar glanced at Steelshout, the latter also stepped back with his head lowered.

“Fine!” Fredegar yapped then. “We will have him hanged publicly when we return to the capital. Until then, keep him a prisoner.”

“I would like to exercise my right to an exchange of punishment,” Aaden interrupted. Fredegar stopped. “I had aided and abetted too in this treason, albeit unknowingly. He is a rightful Slavarian citizen and so am I. I am without a red strike to my name with no priors. Under the Slavarian law, I have the right to accept the trial, sentence and decree placed upon a convict in his place.”

“Captain,” Steelshout began to protest.

If Sehun’s heart were even beating anymore, it would have stopped for good.

“Let him go,” said Aaden, eyes piercing into Fredegar’s.

For a stretch, all that the Prince did was stare vacantly at Aaden. Then in a low voice, Fredegar said, “You’re _protecting_ him? He played you for a fool, Aaden. You would lay down _your_ life for a traitor?!”

Aaden clenched and released his hands. “He is young,” he exhaled. “Like you are. He deserves a chance.”

“Yes, he does, Your Grace,” said Ragepelt. “He had done it foolishly for love. You must find it in your heart to forgive him, Your Excellency.”

“His loyalty is to Prince Alvar,” growled Golddust. “He probably joined the King’s Guard so that he could give away our plans to the enemy!”

Fredegar’s jaw tightened then. He glowered at Aaden. “I will be a King soon. What sort of a King would I be if I forgave treasonous whores?”

Aaden exhaled a shaky breath. “You shouldn’t,” he said. “Your father would not have.”

He then held his hands out, as though to be shackled. He looked at Ragepelt.

“Suit yourself,” said Fredegar furiously and ordered Ragepelt to release Sehun from the shackles. Sehun fell to the ground on his all fours, unable to digest anything that was happening.

Ragepelt hesitantly then locked the shackles around Aaden’s wrists.

“You will come to regret this, Aaden Ragnavor,” said Fredegar before he grabbed Sehun by the hair at the back of his head. Pulling at it, he forced Sehun to meet his eyes. “Your family and all of Novalon will be made aware of your treachery. Perhaps your father will find creative ways of punishing you.”

Releasing Sehun’s hair, he then started to storm out of the tent after pinning Aaden with a disappointed frown. But he stopped and looked back at them when Sehun wobblily scrambled up to his feet, though his knees were ready to give in again. He staggered over to Aaden and grabbed onto the man’s overcoat.

“Aaden,” he called, tears welling up in his eyes once more. “No. Please don’t do this. Please,” he begged, clinging to the broken chains of his overcoat. He cried, burying his face in Aaden’s chest. “Please. Let it be me. This was… not your crime.”

Aaden said nothing.

Sehun raised his head with tears rolling down his face. “Why? Why are you doing this?” he wept uncontrollably. He had deserved that punishment. “Think of Reyan. Why? I am no one to you. Why would you do this?”

Aaden lifted his shackled hands then and gently cupped one of Sehun’s wet cheeks in a hand. He stared into Sehun’s eyes as he said, “Because I love you. Like in the storybooks. Like how the stars love the night. How the breeze loves the sea. With every inch of my breath.”

Sehun froze, his unblinking watery eyes boring into Aaden’s in disbelief. “Aaden…”

Aaden retrieved his hand. “I’m sorry that… you were forced to be with me… for another man. I’m sorry I… touched you when you didn’t really want me to.”

The sincerity in those apologies was as genuine as Aaden’s integrity. It was cutting and harrowing.

He turned around to walk out.

Sehun fell to his knees and broke down.

For the first time ever, he finally understood what loving someone, truly, honestly, and earnestly felt like.

“Your Grace,” Steelshout rasped to the Prince. “You are about to face the Taitenian King at the borders. And your brother has his troops. You, on the other hand, are outnumbered and vulnerable without your Captain.”

Ragepelt spoke next. “Treason or not, Captain Aaden has won your father many battles before. He has kept you protected for years and he will for years to come. You must think tactically now. This is no time to let your emotions get the best of you. Your Grace, if you show up at the borders without a Captain and a strong security, you will not be taken seriously. We are already in your brother’s dominion. Captain Aaden is the best insurance you have. Put him in shackles and you lose another hand.”

Fredegar’s hard glare eased on Aaden a little. Then he looked at Sehun on the ground. “You will leave,” he told Sehun as a command. “Immediately. You are never to return to serve the monarch. Your family has no more ties with the monarch. Your sons and daughters, should you have any, will bear your tainted name wherever they go. Consider this mercy.”

He looked at Aaden next.

“This is a mark on your honour, Captain Aaden,” he said. “If I cannot rely on my Captain, whose eyes are prone to wandering when a shiny face is around, how will the King’s Guard thrive? What have you to say to defend yourself?”

Aaden was quiet for a moment. He was far too desolated to defend himself. In an almost dead voice, he said, “I have no defence, Your Grace. I did… let myself be fooled. I did let my guard down. I trusted someone I should not have.”

That itself killed Sehun.

“I am ready to accept whatever punishment you will mete out,” Aaden said. “But I am begging you to let him go.”

“You used to be a man of duty. You were unforgiving toward injustice. And now, you want me to let a traitor walk because you let your heart waver?”

Aaden took a breath and bowed his head. “He did it for… love.” It pained Aaden to say that. His voice and eyes gave it away.

Huffing, Fredegar spun around and walked out of the tent.

Aaden glanced back at Sehun one last time before he too left before a tear could fall from his eyes.

Ragepelt curled a hand around Sehun’s arm and pulled him up to his feet. Unable to stand straight, Sehun clung onto the man’s arm.

“What have you done, Honeypearl…” said Ragepelt, looking at Sehun sadly. “How could you do this to us? To… him?”

“I didn’t,” Sehun gasped, throat full of sobs. “I didn’t betray him.” He wanted someone to hear him. He was not a bad person. He was not. He did not _whore_ himself onto Aaden. He had not betrayed him. But he had wanted to at one point, and perhaps, that was why he deserved what he had gotten.

Ragepelt withdrew his arm from Sehun, eyebrows furrowed disappointedly. “I hope it was worth it,” he said and walked away too, shaking his head.

Steelshout only frowned at Sehun before he went after the others.

* * *

He received orders to leave forthwith. Before the Crown Prince changed his mind. Sehun was not sure where he would even go. If he went home, he knew his father would not have him back. Not after everything. Not after the fact that Sehun had tarnished the man’s name.

As the rest of the company readied itself for the remaining journey, Sehun knelt on the ground, staring aimlessly at his palms. The guards, Bonemight, Asscrusher and the others gave him a sympathetic look as they walked away, leaving him behind.

Everyone looked devastated.

Sehun had betrayed all of them. They had accepted him as a friend, and all that he had done was let them down.

He was back to having no one again.

A freak.

An outcast.

Unloved. Unwanted.

And worst of all, he was empty. Hollow.

The sudden hand on his shoulder startled him. He looked up at Skullmane who helped him stand up.

The disappointment in her eyes was palpable. But more than that, she looked worried. In her hand was the reins of Blackfire.

“He wants you to take him,” she said, holding the reins out to Sehun.

Sehun confusedly blinked at her. If he had not exhausted his throat from sobbing so hard, he would have found the strength and voice to ask her why she was handing him Aaden’s horse.

“Ride him home,” she said, pressing the reins into Sehun’s hand. Blackfire nickered and nudged its nose against Sehun’s head, sniffing his hair.

Sehun glanced over the horse to look at Alvar and his men who were riding towards him.

Reining the horse to a halt, Alvar dismounted it when he reached Sehun and walked over to him. Sehun held his broken heart in his mouth and was unable to breathe when he saw the way Alvar smiled at him.

“I heard about what happened,” he said, stopping before Sehun. “It’s truly a tragedy. If only you had done what I asked of you and hadn’t shifted your loyalty, my love.”

He raised a hand to cup Sehun’s chin. Sehun gawked at him and his gloating smile.

“Did you… tell Golddust about… us… on purpose?” Sehun asked in a weak voice with whatever energy he had left.

Alvar only smiled as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Sehun’s cheek. “Such a shame.” He clicked his tongue and pulled away to mount his horse again. “But I must thank you for fucking my brother’s Captain. Everything fell right into place because of that.”

Sehun looked up at the man, crestfallen. “I loved you,” he said.

“Yes, I know,” said Alvar. “And look where that has gotten you.”

With that, he rode away without sparing Sehun another glance.

Sehun focused on his breathing for a length, realizing that he was about to pass out. Skullmane took hold of his arm.

“Are you all right?” she asked but clearly did not expect an answer. Sehun was _not_ all right. He was never going to be all right.

“I’m sorry,” Sehun told her in tears. “I know you think that I betrayed all of you. But you were… my friends. My real friends. And… Aaden…”

He clutched his shirt by the chest. He was never going to see Aaden again. He was never going to be able to look at the man in the eyes and ask for forgiveness.

Skullmane’s eyes glistened then. “Goodbye, Honeypearl,” she said. “Follow the roads west. I packed the saddlebags with some stock.”

She gave his shoulder a pat before she brushed past him to head after the company. She paused briefly to look back at him with a frown. As she turned around and left him alone, Sehun leaned against Blackfire and buried his face in the horse’s mane, breaking into a sob.

* * *

He was not welcome when he went home. He had expected just as much.

His older sisters felt sorry for him. His younger sisters were confused. His mother cried and cried. She told him how disappointed she was, but she was also grateful for the heavens that Sehun was gifted with amnesty and that the Prince had been merciful.

His father, on the other hand, was ready with a punishment for when Sehun reached home.

All of Sehun’s titles were stripped off. He was to have no right to any of his family’s properties and lands. His children would not be of noble birth and would not bear the family name. In his own home, Sehun was to be a servant. He was to be treated as a servant.

This way, his father would get to relish in Sehun’s punishment first-hand.

His mother begged the man to forgive their son. But his father was right to punish him. So, Sehun told her to stay quiet.

It did not end there.

The instant he crossed the threshold, his father’s cane struck his face, leaving a gnarly red wound on his cheek that would soon scar permanently.

Sehun accepted it all, knowing that the man, who loved him like in the storybooks, like how the stars love the night, how the breeze loves the sea, with every inch of breath, had accepted a punishment that was not even rightfully his.

Later, his sister Ferhin found him crying in a corner of the pantry where no one could find him. She had brought some cotton wools, a jar of salve and some clean water with her.

Sehun wiped the tears and stared at her as she lowered to the floor for a seat.

“Here,” she said softly, taking hold of Sehun’s nape. “Let me have a look at that.”

She cleaned the thick wound on Sehun’s cheek before she applied the soothing salve on it. Then for the rest of the night, Sehun cried in her lap as she held him.

“It will be all right, Sehun,” she promised him as she stroked his hair. But he knew it would not be all right.

“I had hurt him,” Sehun wept. “The way he looked at me… It killed me. He was willing to take my place… and die… for me. How could someone do that for another person?”

“He must have loved you very much,” sighed Ferhin as they sat in the dark pantry. Sehun wondered if the pain in his chest would ever go away. He wondered if his heart would ever mend itself again.

“I had hurt him,” he said once more and snivelled.

# E P I L O G U E

 

 

 

Every new day came with the same dread. Every day, he would wonder if today would be the day he would receive the ominous news.

A month had passed. Sehun was grateful for each day that ended uneventfully. That way, he knew Aaden was all right.

In his own home, he was nothing but a servant. He did not even get the respect a servant deserved from his father. He was given rags and footwraps to wear. He was allowed to sleep either in the stables or the servants’ quarters.

His sisters were told not to talk to him. Most of them tried to follow their father’s orders at first. Kilah was the first one who defied, although Hanita never understood why she should not talk to her brother in the first place. So, she always went looking for Sehun. Soon, she was spending a lot of her time down the servants’ quarters with Sehun.

She’d bring him a storybook once in a while and ask him to read it to her. Sometimes, she brought him pearls because she missed seeing him wear them. When their father found out that she had been spending time with Sehun, she was given a good scolding. So now, she had learnt a way to sneak over to Sehun without anyone noticing.

She would give her brother a hug and a kiss whenever she saw Sehun polishing their father’s shoes or washing the dishes.

“You were an idiot,” Kilah had told him one of the days furiously with her arms crossed over her chest. “Who would do all that for _love_?”

Sehun smiled weakly. “I wish I were as strong as you,” he told her. Kilah had been happy to hear that compliment. But she hugged him nonetheless and told him that she was never going to stop talking to him.

Taina and Ciana were too afraid of their father to talk to him. But whenever they saw him, they would frown sadly. Sehun understood. He would smile at them to reassure them.

Ferhin talked to him once in a while, just to make sure that he was all right. One day, she found him in the garden, pondering over one thing or the other.

“You should go,” she told him.

Sehun looked at her confusedly.

She sat down next to him. “You cannot live here like this. You should go.”

“Go where?” Sehun asked.

“Anywhere,” she said. “Anywhere would be better than this, Sehun.”

Sehun scoffed. He looked at his blistered palms. He had never worked hard for a day in his life. And now, every waking moment was made difficult for him.

“I can’t go anywhere,” he told her. “I deserve this.”

“No, you don’t.” She took hold of his hand. “No one deserves this. You made a mistake. You should now learn from it and go on with your life. If you stayed, Father will make sure that you never move on.”

Sehun swallowed hard. “I don’t know where I’ll go, Ferhin. I won’t be welcome anywhere. I’m not even welcome in my own home. The only place I felt like I could belong at was…” he trailed off, choking on a lump.

He missed Skullmane, Ragepelt and the others.

But most of all, he thought of Aaden a lot. He wished he would get an opportunity to apologize. He knew it would not mean much and it would not change anything, but it might give him a peace of mind.

“I wish I could see him one last time,” Sehun whispered, hanging his head.

“Who do you mean?” asked his sister.

Sehun let a tear drop.

Ferhin sighed. “Why?”

“So that I could tell him that… it was not all… a lie.”

“Do you love him, Sehun?”

Sehun closed his eyes. “I don’t think I know what love is.”

His sister’s hand tightened around his. “I think you do. I think you’ve _learnt_ what love is.”

Sehun pulled his hand back. “It does not matter now, does it?”

Ferhin’s lips stretched into a gentle smile. “You thought you were in love with a Prince. Now I know a soldier is not a Prince, but he was kind to you, Sehun. He was more than kind to you. I hope you will find it in your heart to admit that you’re in love with him. Even if he isn’t what you had hoped for.”

* * *

He stood before the mirror and stared at his dead reflection. The scar on his cheek was beginning to fade, but it would never be completely gone. The person standing before him would not be able to recognize the person he had been a few months ago, covered in gems and gold dust.

Now, he was covered in rags and soot.

He thought about his sister had said the other night. Perhaps he should leave. He did not know where he’d go but there would always be somewhere.

“Horsey! Horsey! _Bwother,_ horsey!” Hanita screeched as she ran toward Sehun as fast as her small legs could carry her. “You _pwomised!_ ”

Lifting her from the ground, Sehun smiled for her. “I know, I know.”

He had promised to take her to see Blackfire at the stables. She gave the scar on his cheek a kiss like she always did as Sehun bore her toward the stables.

When they reached it, he found Blackfire in its stable and introduced the black beast to his little sister.

Hanita was transported with pleasure and awe as she buried her chunky fingers into the horse’s thick mane. “So beautiful,” she exhaled heavily. She giggled when the horse sniffed her hand.

“Brother! Brother! Brother!”

Sehun jumped when Ciana and Taina came gushing into the stables. He was surprised to hear them talking to him.

They looked out of breath and astonished by something.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, lowering Hanita to the ground.

“There’s a man!” gasped Ciana. “At the gates!”

“Tall man! Handsome! _Very_ handsome!” exclaimed Taina, her cheeks flushed red. “On a stallion!”

“ _He_ looks like a stallion! Oh my!”

“I want a husband like him,” said Taina. “Oh, I wish Father would find me a husband like him!”

“He has come looking for you!” said Ciana then.

Sehun’s heart dropped to his stomach. “What?” he let out.

“Yes! He said your name! He wants to see you!”

“See… me?”

“You must come now!” urged Taina.

With his blood pulsing in his temples, Sehun made his way out of the stables and started for the gates.

His head was a complete blank while, at the same time, buzzing with all sorts of thoughts. His throat tightened. Could it be the news he had been dreading to receive all this while?

He stopped in his tracks when he caught the sight of the man waiting by the gates with the reins of a brown horse in his hand. He was clad in a familiar black shirt, though without its overcoat. His hair was slightly shorter than the last time Sehun had seen it. His beard, however, was thicker.

If only Sehun had not been paralyzed by the mere sight of him, he would have run into Aaden’s arms.

And then Aaden’s gaze fell on him.

For a long moment, Sehun could do nothing but stare back at the man. It felt like a dream.

“Brother?” called Ciana, snapping Sehun back to reality.

Sehun took a step forward and stopped again. He then turned around and hurried back to the stables.

He returned to the gates with Blackfire.

Blackfire nickered and rushed over to Aaden with springy steps. Aaden caught its reins and calmed it down with a stroke on its forehead.

Sehun came to a standstill a few feet before Aaden. He had waited for this moment. But when the opportunity presented itself, his tongue was tied. Or perhaps he was just too ashamed to speak to the man he had hurt so carelessly.

When those green eyes looked at him , he could not help the tears that welled up in his eyes.

He thought of the first time Aaden had kissed him. The kiss might not have meant much to Sehun in that moment. But it must have killed Aaden to make that move, to let his guard down for once and trust someone enough to be that vulnerable.

Sehun wondered if the man would ever trust someone like that again.

“Thank you,” said Aaden.

Sehun felt his heart ache when Aaden began to turn around with the horses. “Aaden,” he rasped, lurching forward. He stopped when Aaden looked back at him. With glassy eyes, he then said, “Will you… hear me out? Just… for a while?”

Aaden averted his gaze, as though looking at Sehun pained him. “What do you have to say?” he asked calmly.

Sehun glanced back at his sisters, who were gawking at him until Ferhin ushered them to go back inside.

Then with a heavy breath, Sehun faced Aaden again. Unable to look at the man, he lowered his head. No. He must at least look at Aaden’s eyes when he was apologizing.

So, swallowing the lump in his throat, Sehun raised his head and met Aaden’s tortured gaze.

“How… are you?” He started there.

Aaden was reluctant to answer. “His Grace was merciful. I was not dismissed. But demoted. I resigned when we returned from the south.”

Sehun felt the guilt send a pang to his heart. “You do not have to forgive me,” he then said. “I do not… expect you to forgive me. I know what you must think of me. And I understand, and I deserve it. But…” He blinked away the tears in his eyes before speaking again. “I did not… whore myself onto you. I loved Alvar. I did. I was willing to do _anything_ to make him happy. So, I… I almost… I…”

He paused to take a few breaths.

“I never knew… that you… you… that what you felt for… me was… more than… lust. If I had known, I would not have…” he trailed off, sniffling. “Perhaps I would have because… somewhere along the way, I did… start caring for you.”

The more he spoke, the more Aaden’s pain grew visibly intense in his expression.

“Aaden, I do… care for—”

“Don’t,” Aaden snapped, cutting Sehun off.

Sehun blinked at him with his jaw fallen slack.

“Don’t say anything you do not mean again,” said Aaden with his hands clenched tight. “Because I would believe you. In a heartbeat without question. You wanted to know why I was against love. This is why, Sehun. Because I don’t love like others. With me, it’s forever. And when it is no longer there, it takes a part of me with it. You took a part of me with you.”

Aaden ran a hand through his hair, his jaw locked.

“And the worst part of it all is that… I could not bring myself to blame you,” he said. “You did it for love. You were in love with a Prince. I just feel… disgusted with myself for… taking you when you… wanted to be with someone else. Every time I think of how… awful you must have felt…”

He could not finish the thought.

Shaking his head, he turned around and took hold of the horses’ reins before he started to walk away.

Sehun had to find the courage to admit his feelings. He never knew how it had been so easy to admit them to a man who did not even love him, but to admit to someone who loved him so strongly made him struggle for air.

Ironic, really.

Cruel.

“I did… want you,” Sehun said in a low murmur. It was embarrassing enough to admit such a thing.

Aaden stopped but did not turn around to face Sehun.

“I… do want you,” Sehun corrected himself.

The overcasts that gathered in the sky shrouded the sun. It might rain. Sehun almost invited Aaden to wait the rain out in his home. But then he remembered it was not _his_ home.

“Please… Aaden,” Sehun pleaded in a whisper. “I want to talk to you. Just for a while.”

Aaden sighed and nodded his head.

* * *

They reached a small tavern in the city by the time it had started to pour.

Pitching the horses outside, they hurried into the tavern before they could be completely soaked by the rain.

Aaden paid for a room, claiming that he could use some rest after three days on the road.

Sehun wondered if even a small part of Aaden had come to Novalon seeking him and not just to take Blackfire back.

Entering the room, Aaden shut the door behind him and hurried to grab a towel to dry his hair. But as his eyes darted to Sehun’s wet white tunic that was clinging to his body like a second skin, he stopped to stare at it for a moment before he tossed the towel over to Sehun.

He then took a seat at the foot of the bed and planted his head in his hands.

Holding the towel to his chest, Sehun remained close to the door.

“Speak,” Aaden said when Sehun did not say anything for long. “You said you wanted to talk. So, talk.”

Sehun wanted to turn around and run away while he still could. He wasn’t sure if what he was about to say would hurt Aaden more.

“I’m s-sorry,” Sehun said, shivering.

“I know you are,” said Aaden without lifting his head.

Sehun pulled away from the door to close the distance between him and Aaden. “But it changes nothing.”

Aaden raised his head then, though he did not look at Sehun. He stared at the wall before him instead. Sehun shuddered when a thunder shattered whatever silence there was left.

“It changes nothing,” Aaden said after him.

Sehun dropped to his knees in front of Aaden. “Will it… change anything if I… died? If you… took your sword and put it in my chest?”

Aaden scowled and turned his face away.

“I feel dead already, Aaden,” Sehun said, close to tears. Dropping the towel to the floor, he nervously brought his hands to Aaden’s chest. “I know you have no reason to believe what I say but… I… I…”

He could not say it. Not because he did not want to but because he knew Aaden would doubt it.

And then Aaden lifted a hand to Sehun’s face.

Sehun shut his eyes at once and let Aaden drag his fingers along the scar on his cheek.

Then wrapping his other hand around Sehun’s that was resting against his chest, Aaden whispered, “I love you.”

Whatever that had overcome Sehun that instant, he buried his face in Aaden’s chest and burst into tears. He inhaled the scent of rainwater and Aaden’s skin that was clinging to his shirt. He entangled his fingers in Aaden’s damp hair. Standing up, he then straddled Aaden, kneeling on either side of the man on the bed before he dropped his crying face against Aaden’s shoulder.

“It was real for me, Aaden,” Sehun whimpered as Aaden pressed his hands to Sehun’s sides. “I wish you had come here… looking for _me_.”

Aaden nuzzled into the crook of Sehun’s neck and inhaled sharply, a hand holding the nape. “I did,” he muttered against Sehun’s skin.

Sehun drew back and met Aaden’s teary eyes. “What?”

Aaden clasped his hands to the sides of Sehun’s head and pressed their lips together. The kiss was torturously brief, but it still managed to leave Sehun in a stupor.

Aaden pulled back to brush his lips against Sehun’s wet eyes, placing a kiss on each of them before he kissed along the scar on Sehun’s cheek. Then pressing a kiss to Sehun’s chin, he breathed against Sehun’s lips, saying, “I will never… hurt you, Sehun.”

It sounded like a promise.

A promise Aaden was making to win Sehun’s love. He was fighting for it now. And he wanted to win. He did not know that he already had.

“I am not… worthy of your love, Aaden,” Sehun said, resting his forehead upon Aaden’s.

“All that I care about is am I of yours,” Aaden rasped and kissed Sehun again.

Sehun kissed him back with twice the desperation and hunger. He tasted the salt of his tears on Aaden’s lips.

“Take me with you,” Sehun panted into Aaden’s mouth as Aaden’s hands slipped into his tunic and ran up his back.

“Sehun,” Aaden moaned, sucking on Sehun’s lower lip.

“Please,” Sehun begged in sobs and broke the kiss momentarily to catch his breath. “Please, Aaden. I want to… be with you.”

Aaden plopped him onto the bed then and mounted him. He ripped Sehun’s damp tunic open before he leaned down to kiss Sehun full on the mouth once more.

For the first time in a while, Sehun did not feel so hollow. He saw a ray of hope.

“You can’t turn back,” said Aaden, disconnecting their mouths. “if you chose to do this.”

“I won’t,” said Sehun. “I want you. I… love you, Aaden.”

He drew his fingers along Aaden’s jaw that was covered in beard with specks of grey hairs.

“Take me with you,” Sehun pleaded again. “Wherever you go.”

As the rain continued its onslaught on the rest of the world outside, Aaden held Sehun tenderly, promising to never let him go.

Sehun had wanted an adventure, a wonderful future, a free life. He had imagined them all with the wrong man once. But if it weren’t for all of his false hopes, Sehun would not be in the arms of a man who would cherish him for as long as he had his breaths right now.

A man who loved him hard. Like in the storybooks. Like how the stars love the night. How the breeze loves the sea. With every inch of breath.

 

End.


End file.
